Only Us (Fool's Gold #6.1)(12)

He put down the brush and turned his daughter so she faced him.

“I’m sorry about your mother.”

“I know, but it’s not your fault.” She wrinkled her nose. “Sometimes I get sad about her leaving, but mostly I don’t think about it.” She beamed at him. “You shouldn’t either because we have Rina.” Her eyes widened. “I know! Make Rina your girlfriend. Then she would be real instead of an internet girlfriend.”

He stared at his daughter, not sure where to start. “I’m not looking for an internet girlfriend.”

“You were.”

“It was a bad idea.”

“What about Rina? We already love each other.”

“It’s different.”

“Why?”

“It just is.”

She sighed and mumbled something that sounded a lot like “No, it’s not,” but he let the comment go. This wasn’t a fight he could win.

Kaitlyn turned her back so he could start on her braid. “Rina’s pretty.”

“Yes, she is.”

“She makes our favorite dinners a lot and we laugh together.”

“I know.”

“You liked kissing her.”

That truth kicked him in the gut. He had liked kissing her. A lot, as his daughter would say. But he couldn’t get involved with Rina that way.

“Kaitlyn…” he began.

She sighed. “I’ll be quiet now.”

“Thank you.”

Cameron went through a busy morning of appointments. Simon Bradley, a local surgeon, brought in CeCe for her quarterly checkup. These days the small toy poodle was no longer a full-time therapy dog, having been adopted by Simon and his fiancée.

Cameron always enjoyed watching a big, powerful man reduced to cooing over a tiny dog. Not that he would say that to Simon. As CeCe still did some work at the hospital, working with children who had burns, she had to be checked more often to make sure she wasn’t carrying any parasites or had the beginnings of an infection.

“You know Rina’s not in today,” Cameron said as he finished checking CeCe’s heart. Usually the poodle was left in the salon for a grooming on her check-up days.

“I know. She told me when she called.”

“Rina called you?”

Simon nodded. “To switch appointment days. She mentioned she’s relocating her business. That she needs more room to expand.”

Cameron nodded. That was the story she’d come up with. He knew she’d decided on the almost-truth to protect Kaitlyn as much as him. Announcing to the world she was forced to move because the man she loved was too stupid or selfish to love her back wouldn’t play well. At least not for him. Which she wouldn’t want.

He swore under his breath. Why did she have to be so damned good?

“What?” Simon asked anxiously. “Is everything okay with CeCe?”

“Yes. Sorry.” Cameron straightened. “She’s fine. It’s something else. Woman trouble.”

“I know what that feels like,” Simon admitted with a grin. “Although in my case, it was all my fault.”

The grin faded. “Montana put her heart on the line and I walked away. Or tried to. I told myself not being in a relationship was easier than risking losing it. Because then I was in control.” He shook his head. “What a crock. There’s no control when it comes to the heart. I hate to think about how pathetic I sounded, trying to be brave when I was really terrified. I could have lost everything. For what it’s worth, if she’s half as amazing as Montana, you should suck it up, apologize for what you did wrong and beg her to take you back.”

“Interesting advice.”

“Good advice,” Simon corrected.

Later that afternoon, when Cameron returned to his office to catch up on paperwork, he found himself unable to stop thinking about what Simon had said about losing what mattered most. The problem was, to risk everything not to do that would mean he couldn’t protect himself or Kaitlyn. They could both…

He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. Who was he kidding? Protect himself from what? Having Rina in his life? Having her integrated into every moment of his day? Missing her? It was too late for that. Too late for him to protect Kaitlyn from another maternal loss. She might not remember her mother but she would remember Rina. She loved Rina. And as his eight-year-old had wisely pointed out, he loved Rina, too.

He stood, not sure what to think or what to do next. The truth flooded through him. He loved Rina. That’s why he’d been so freaked by her confession, why he hadn’t wanted to change their relationship. If he loved her, she could hurt him. His ex-wife leaving had been a shock, but he’d gone on. Looking back, he hadn’t missed her nearly as much as he should have. But if Rina left, he would be destroyed and so would his daughter.

That’s what he’d been afraid of. Losing her. So rather than risk it, he’d pushed her away. As Simon had done with Montana. He had felt that if he decided the course of the relationship, he had the illusion of control.

He shrugged out of his white coat and grabbed his jacket, then stopped. He couldn’t just track Rina down and blurt out that he’d changed his mind. That now he wanted her. He’d hurt her and made her feel small. He’d tossed aside what she had offered and then made things worse by trying to keep her around as some kind of on-call child-care staff.