Only Us (Fool's Gold #6.1)(7)
It wasn’t that Cameron didn’t want to be with anyone, it was that he didn’t want to be with her.
Rina’s eyes burned, but she refused to cry. Not here, not in front of her coworkers and Cameron and most especially not in front of Kaitlyn. Hope and love and dreams battled with cold, hard reality. As much as she wanted to ignore the truth, she couldn’t. Not anymore.
“You’re wrong,” she said slowly. “About finding someone else. I have been there for you all this time. I know you like me and the way you kissed me proves…” She drew in a breath. “But you don’t want to go there. Fine. We won’t. I told you that I loved you and the first thing you did was try to go out with someone else.”
She linked her hands together in front of her waist and thought about what it would be like once he stopped looking and started dating. Of being at his house in the evening, taking care of his child, knowing he was out with someone else. She couldn’t do it.
“I’m leaving.”
He stood. “Leaving? Where are you going? What do you mean?”
She wasn’t sure, but as she stood there, the answer came to her. “After the first of the year, I’ll be moving my business out of here. You’ll need to find someone else to take care of Kaitlyn. I want there to be a gradual transition so she’s not upset, but you need someone else for daycare.”
“You’re cutting us out of your life? You said you wouldn’t do that. I thought you cared about us.”
“You’re wrong. I didn’t care. I don’t care. I love you both.” She stared into his eyes. “That’s a whole lot more than caring.”
“Then stay.”
“No. You don’t get to have it both ways. I’ve spent a year waiting for you to realize I was the one. That’s enough time wasted.”
With that she turned and left. Her heart pounded hard in her chest and she wasn’t sure how long she could keep from crying. The sense of emptiness and loss nearly brought her to her knees. But behind the pain and fear and need to turn back and say, “Yes, fine, half a life is good enough for me,” was the belief that she’d made the right decision.
It hurt now. It more than hurt. But with time and a little determination, she would recover. And, she thought, a little help from Fool’s Gold wouldn’t hurt either.
Chapter Four
Jo’s Bar was a gathering place for the women of Fool’s Gold. While the men had a room in back with a pool table and sports playing on TVs, the main portion of the bar was dedicated to women. The walls were painted a skin-flattering mauve, the large-screen TVs featured shopping channels and female-friendly reality shows and the menu included plenty of calorie-light options. During the day, one corner was turned into a play area for toddlers. While Friday and Saturday night brought in the couples crowd, the rest of the time, Jo’s Bar was a place for women to feel comfortable. Or have a good cry.
“You did the right thing,” Jesse said soothingly. “I know you did.”
Rina clutched the tissue in her hand and did her best to stop the steady stream of tears. At the rate she was going, she’d be dehydrated and require emergency medical care within the hour.
“It doesn’t f-feel right,” she said, her voice cracking on a sob. “It feels horrible. Everything hurts. I can’t do this. I can’t go on without him.”
Jesse raised her eyebrows, which made Rina laugh. Well, it was more like a hiccup, but still it was an improvement over the crying.
“That made me sound like a stalker,” she admitted. “Of course I can live without Cameron.” Her humor faded. “I wish I didn’t love him. Or that he loved me back. This sucks.”“Yes, it does. It hurts and you feel awful.”
Rina looked at her friend and sniffed. “Are you trying to make me feel better? Because it’s not really working.”
Jesse touched her arm. “Dealing with this will get easier. Once the holidays are over, you can find a place to move your business to and start to cut ties.”
Rina nodded and wiped away tears. “You’re right. I’m not going to give up seeing Kaitlyn, though. I want to talk to Cameron about working out a schedule. Maybe I can take her a couple of afternoons a week.”
“See, you have a plan.”
Or at least part of one, Rina thought glumly.
The sound of several women laughing caused her to look to the bar side of the room. At least thirty women were setting up for what looked to be a bridal shower. Rina remembered all three of the Hendrix triplets were getting married over the holidays. Not that she begrudged them their happiness, but ouch.
“This hurts,” she admitted. “What a stupid time of year to put it all on the line. I love Christmas. It was always a big thing in my house and I know my grandparents are looking forward to it.”
“So you’ll be with them and that will be nice.”
“I know, it’s just…” She swallowed and fought more tears. “We’re supposed to go Friday to pick out the tree. That will be hard.”
Jesse leaned toward her. “I know it will.”
“You’re not going to try and talk me out of it?”
“No. If you think you can stand it, you should stick with what’s planned. For Kaitlyn. She adores you and getting a Christmas tree is a big deal for an eight-year-old.” Jesse studied her. “You’ve seen him?”