Never Been Ready (Ready #2)(62)

"Sarah?" I answered.

"Hey, Declan," she began.

Her tone was even —not energetic, not sympathetic. I didn't know what to think.

Was it good news or bad? Give me a damn clue!

I got up from my seat at the small table in my trailer, and I started to pace, only to realize I couldn't pace in there unless I counted walking two steps and turning around to go back and do it all over again.

I headed out the door, opting for someplace less confined. If she were about to tell me no, I needed some damn fresh air and someplace to scream.

"How are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm all right, a bit anxious. I really want to see him, Sarah." I tried leveling with her. I was sick of pu**yfooting around the subject.

"I know, and that is why we have agreed."

"What? You have?" I let out the breath I'd been holding for the last five days. I finally felt like my lungs were functioning again.

"Yes, but we have some requirements first, Declan."

"Anything, Sarah. Anything."

"First, we believe it's a good idea that, initially, Connor be introduced to you as a friend of Heather's. We're afraid introducing you as his father might overload him."

"Okay, I agree with that as long as you understand that he will eventually know me for who I really am."

She sighed before saying, "Yes, I understand that, Declan. We aren't trying to keep you from him. I only tried to do what Heather had wanted. I know it was wrong, but she was my best friend, and now, I'm trying to make it right. Having him here with us...we're doing the best we can, but it's difficult."

"What do you mean?" I asked, furrowing my brow in concern.

"When Heather asked us if we would agree to take Connor if anything were to ever happen to her, we agreed wholeheartedly. We had just gotten married, and we didn't have any kids of our own. We never once believed that anything would ever happen. When it did, our lives were very different. We have a baby, and now, all of a sudden, we have a very angry and sad seven-year-old. He is having a hard time with finding a place in our family. As much as I love him, he needs something more than me. I'm willing to admit that. If that is you and you can give him what he so desperately needs right now, then I am more than willing to open up our home to allow that to happen. But just know that I am taking a risk here. We are not going to social services. We didn't hire a lawyer. This is between us —as friends."

"I understand. Is there anything else?"

"Yes, one more thing —your girlfriend. How close are you two?"

"What do you mean?"

"Connor is in a fragile state right now. We don't want to introduce anyone into his life who might not be there in a few months. We don't want him to form attachments to people who aren't committed to being in his life for the long haul. He's already suffered a major loss, and I can't stand to see him lose anyone else."

"Leah and I are together for life. You have nothing to worry about," I said without hesitation.

"I'm happy for you, Declan. You deserve happiness. I've been worried about you for years. It's good to see you finally in a good place."

"Thank you, Sarah," I answered as I paced back and forth between the trees lining the film's location for today.

"So, when do I get to see him?" I asked.

"Does tomorrow sound good?"

"It sounds perfect, Sarah. Thanks."

In less than a day, I was going to meet my son.

Chapter Twenty-One

~Leah~

"Seriously Declan, stop fidgeting," I said, for the fourth time. He'd been a mess ever since he'd come saying Sarah and Devin had given permission for the visit. One minute he was excited, super pumped and happy, dancing with me across the room and laughing. The next he was a ball of nerves, scared out of his mind. We'd already made three separate trips to the store so he could pick up a gift for Connor. The second trip was because he thought the first gift was too small and it needed to be bigger, so we exchanged it for something larger. As soon as we got home, we had to turn around because the gift was suddenly too large and he didn't want to look like he was trying to hard, so after three tries we were back to the original gift.

I tried to explain to him that he didn't need a gift, but he was insistent. I think he was afraid he wouldn't have anything to talk about and at least the toy would be an ice breaker.

"Hot Shot, you're going to be great," I encouraged as we drove down the interstate once again, making our way back to Williamsburg. Sarah and Devin had given us the entire afternoon with Connor. We had four hours with him alone. We asked if they were sure, and they said yes. They thought it would be better for Connor to get to know us without them around, and they trusted us with him.

I was humbled by their generosity. I know what they must have gone through the last few months couldn't have been easy. Becoming parents for the first time, and then becoming parents again to a broken seven year old. I remember what I was like when my mom left and at times it seemed like no amount of love would ever be enough to replace the void left in my heart. A mother's love is irreplaceable, and to lose it so suddenly, and so young...there are no words to describe what that does to a child.

"Do you think he'll remember you?" Declan asked.