Never Been Ready (Ready #2)(13)

"Of course they did. Every time I walked around the next day at work, I ached. That would only remind me of the night before, which of course, reminded me of Declan, which made me horny."

"You're crazy! I swear, you two are a match made in heaven! Two nymphos. I should start typing up the wedding announcement now. Hmm...that could be interesting! Do you think using the word nymphomaniac in a wedding invitation is tacky?"

"No!" I shouted a bit too loudly. "No weddings, no engagements, no matches made in heaven, Clare! We are screwing each other. That is it. It's for a few months, and then we are done. Okay? Consider it a long-term f**k buddy. Nothing more."

I had been reminded of that fact this morning when I had woken up to an empty hotel room —no note, no phone number...nothing. A boyfriend would have left a note explaining where he had gone. A lover would have at least left a phone number. Walking around the hotel room, I'd realized that Declan and I were neither of those things. I couldn't even consider us lovers because that just sounded too intimate. It involved feelings, and I couldn't risk any of those. I had given too many to the last one, and he'd left me high and dry. I had learned my lesson.

So, I had done the few things I could in that moment. I'd ordered the most expensive room service possible, making sure it was charged to my boyfriend's room, and then I'd taken the longest, hottest bubble bath known to man. I'd wandered around in his white hotel robe, enjoyed my overpriced Belgian waffle and French-pressed coffee, and told myself that this was the best possible relationship I could ever have. In fact, while soaking in the jetted tub, I'd told myself that I was a genius, pure genius.

Not only did I get to enjoy one of the hottest males on the planet, but I also didn't have to worry about when or if he would leave me. I wouldn't have to pace the floors, wondering if he was screwing someone behind my back or whether he would remember our anniversary. I knew exactly what he expected of me and how long our arrangement would last.

It was perfect, right?

Right.

"Are you sure? I mean, you don't want anything more permanent?" Clare asked hesitantly.

"No!" I snapped. "I mean, I am fine with this. He isn't my forever man, so why not have some fun?" I said with an encouraging smile.

I hadn't told Clare that I didn't plan on having a forever man. Whenever she had brought it up, I would deflect, saying I just hadn't found him yet. She wouldn't understand. She had one, and she would never comprehend how a woman could go through life without someone as wonderful as Logan. Personally, if I had a Logan, I wouldn't either. But the super-awesome guy store was currently out of stock, and I heard the waiting list was endless.

"Okay...well, if you are sure, then I'm happy for you. I mean, I'm happy that you're happy," she fumbled. "You know the thing with Daniel isn't always going to happen, right? I mean, decent men are still out there. You can't compare them all to him."

Daniel was my ex —ex-boyfriend, ex-lover...ex-forever man. He was supposed to be my happily ever after, but he had left me when I decided being a friend while my best friend's husband was dying took precedence over Daniel. He'd felt it was a competition, and like the spoiled little boy that he was, he'd left me. Clare had blamed herself for it for a long time. It wasn't her fault the guy was a grade-A ass**le.

"I know, Clare. I'm just not currently looking for anyone. We're just having a bit of fun."

She nodded her head, but I could tell she didn't quite agree. I knew she wasn't judging. She wanted me to be happy, as happy as she was, and I loved her for that. But I didn't think love was in the cards for me.

"Hey, you don't always have to help me with laundry, you know?" she said, changing the subject and chucking a pair of socks at my head.

"Um, yes, I do." I laughed, ducking to dodge the sock attack. "When I get injured doing something incredibly stupid —because we all know it will happen someday —I expect you will return all of these awesome favors with interest. So, you see, it's not a selfless act. I am really a selfish bitch trying to protect my own ass."

She gave me a look that said whatever as she continued to match tiny pink socks and throw them into the basket. She knew I would gladly fold a hundred loads of laundry with her if it meant less stress for her and Logan right now. After two months of chemo and a couple rounds of radiation, their lives had been hectic. Never-ending doctor and treatment appointments had taken time away from Maddie and household chores. I'd helped out in any way I could —from sitting at home with Maddie while they ran to the hospital to running quick errands for them so that they could enjoy a bit of free time together.

I remembered every second Clare had suffered during Ethan's sickness. Having to go through something similar, even if the chances were much better, was still a blow to the heart. Every time she had walked into the treatment room at the hospital, I knew she would see Ethan sitting in one of those chairs, remembering him growing weaker until his doctors had finally told him that it wasn't an option anymore. But she'd been so strong —so much stronger than I could ever be. She'd walked proudly by Logan's side to every appointment, braving every fear and memory head-on.

A knock on the door broke the brief bit of silence, and I glanced up to see Logan standing in the doorway, looking in on us.