Never Been Ready (Ready #2)(8)

Making my way to the door, I let my head fall forward until it hit the hard wood with a thump, echoing my mood. "Fuck!" I cursed out in frustration.

"Heard that!" Declan yelled from the other side of the door, as his loud laughter faded away.

Bastard.

At least he didn't see my hand shake as I locked to the door. I could never let that man know how much he affected me. It would be my undoing.

"He just showed up at your doorstep?" Clare asked.

We nibbled on turkey sandwiches from the picnic basket she'd brought. Picnics in November were rare, considering the temperature in Virginia was usually in the fifties, but today was oddly warm, and we were taking advantage.

"Yep. Six months of nothing, and there he was, at my house in all of his sexy masculine glory."

"And he just expected you to fall down at his feet, thanking him for the opportunity to service him?" she asked.

"Pretty much."

"That arrogant bastard! Logan, did you know Declan was back in town?" Clare called out to her husband.

Logan was currently pushing their five-year-old daughter in the nearby swing. "No, baby," he said. "I haven't talked to him in months. We don't exactly run in the same circles anymore. Once he found out I was married, he figured he'd lost his wingman, so he hasn't called much."

Clare gave a quick snort. "Hmm, well, apparently, he's here for a while. I'm sure he'll stop by at some point. I mean, you would think a good friend would at least check in. Right, Leah?"

"Mmhmm," I answered. I was completely bored with this conversation now that I'd found something much better to focus on. I tried to be a good friend, I really did.

"Leah!" Clare scolded. "Can you please refrain from staring at my husband's ass?"

"Sweetie, you can ask all you want, but it's not going to change my answer. Besides, it's not like I have much else to look at," I answered halfheartedly. I completely dismissed my best friend's request as I continued to ogle.

Logan gave a quick grin and wink in our direction before returning his attention to his duties as the official swing pusher.

Flirt.

I tried pulling my eyes away from Logan, Clare's perfectly built husband. It was difficult. Even almost six months into cancer treatment, he was still a hot piece of ass. Long and lean, he was built like a swimmer. He'd lost a bit of weight when he started chemo, but he'd still kept his handsome features. He'd shaved his head, opting to take it all at once, and damn if the man didn't look sexier that way.

"Hey, Logan told me what you did for him the other night with the kid. Thank you. He was pretty wrecked when he got home," she said quietly while Logan's attention was diverted. She looked at me with a meaningful smile.

"Anytime, babe."

Successfully turning my attention away from Logan, my eyes traveled until they found something else entirely —my Maddie, my beautiful goddaughter. She was the best present a best friend could give. She was the spitting image of Clare and her late husband, Ethan. Sometimes, it hurt to look at Maddie, seeing Ethan's eyes shining through, but knowing he lived on brought me hope. She carried his wisdom and love, and being around her always made me want to be a better person. Clare was the best mother a child could have, having been raised by amazing parents herself, and it showed in everything Maddie did. She was perfection.

Logan laughed while Maddie kicked her feet back and forth excitedly as he pushed her higher and higher. He was healing. I could see it. Two months ago, he wouldn't have been able to do this, but here he was, slowly regaining his strength. His doctors hadn't given him a clean bill of health yet, but it was coming. He was coming back to us slowly, and the outlook was very optimistic.

Knowing Clare wouldn't have to suffer the loss of another husband was a relief I couldn't put into words. Losing her first husband, Ethan, had almost killed her. The only thing that had kept her going was Maddie. Knowing she had to care for that tiny innocent child had given her the will to carry on. That was, until she'd met Logan. Then, I had seen her come alive again. That glowing radiance she carried with her in her movements, her voice, and her smile —it had all come back when Logan entered her life.

And then, we'd found out that Logan had cancer. It was ironic how life could be so cruel. But here we were, six months later, and I was finally able to take a breath again. I felt like I'd been stepping on eggshells for months, waiting for our world to come crashing down again. But seeing Logan playing with Maddie in the park gave me hope.

"So, what are you going to do?" Clare asked.

She knew full well that my dismissal the other evening wasn't the last I'd see of Declan James. My body and mind wouldn't allow it. Saying no to him had taken almost every bit of will I had. I was drawn to him, and it was just a matter of time before I found myself at that hotel, knocking on his door.

I needed this time to form a plan —or at least to make him sweat it out a bit. I couldn't be his sloppy seconds or his late-night booty call. I didn't want a relationship, but I wouldn't be a doormat either. I felt like I was being pulled in two different directions. I wanted to run as quickly and as far away as possible, knowing he could end me if he tried, yet the more I told myself to stay away, the more I wanted to throw caution to the wind and get to that hotel as quickly as possible. After Daniel, my college sweetheart that turned out to be anything but and a childhood of mistrust —thanks to a father who really gave definition to the word deadbeat —I couldn't afford to give my trust to another man who didn't deserve it.