Never Been Ready (Ready #2)(3)

I huffed out a sigh and said my good-byes to Trish before making my way back to the birthing room that held my New Age couple. Standing outside the room was Teegan. Bent forward, his hands were on his thighs, and his head was lowered. He looked ill. I knew this look well. It was the look of an expectant father about to lose his shit.

"Hey Teegan. How's it going?" I asked cautiously.

"It's...God, it's too f**king hard. She's in so much pain. I don't know what to do. I can't do this. I'm not ready." His breathing became labored as his head sank further between his knees.

"Teegan, look at me."

Nothing —he didn't budge.

"Teegan. It's time to man the f**k up. Look at me."

His eyes shot up to mine. That had gotten his attention. It usually did. I'd done this speech more than once.

"Hillary needs you right now. You need to get your shit together, go back in that room and take care of her. She doesn't have anyone else in there, except for you and me. As much as I want to help her, it's you she needs and loves. So, if you need to, give yourself a few more moments if you need them to breathe it out, but in a couple of minutes, you are going to walk back into that room and you will be the calm supportive man I know you can be. Got it?"

He looked at me. He was completely bewildered for a few seconds, but then he nodded and his lost vacant eyes changed. He became determined and full of driven purpose. I knew then that he was back where he needed to be.

We entered the room again together, and he immediately went to Hillary's side. He gave her a tender kiss on the forehead before he whispered something in her ear that made her smile.

It was a rough few more hours, but eventually baby Kai entered the world. After cutting the umbilical cord, Teegan watched as I cleaned off his newborn son and then placed the baby into his arms.

I loved this part of my job. Humans were perfect in this moment. A new life was born, completely void of selfishness or sin. It was humanity at its best. When I saw a mother and father hold their child for the first time, I could see so many possibilities. A blank slate that could do and be anything, and I loved being the one to help usher him or her into the world.

"Thank you Leah," Teegan said, giving me a knowing smile.

"No problem pops. You did good."

"Do you have any children?" Hillary asked lovingly as she watched the two men in her life meet for the first time.

She smiled as Teegan carefully leaned down, nuzzling the three of them close together as a happy new family.

"No. No kids for me."

"Well there's still time. You will be a wonderful mother," Teegan said encouragingly.

I just smiled. There would be no children in my future. Children deserved to grow up in a loving home, with two parents who adored each other. I didn't have that. Besides, I had been raised in a house that was anything but loving. What would I know about properly raising a child?

The night air was chilly against my skin as I pulled my coat closer to my body. The thin scrubs that covered my legs were doing little to block the wind gusting through the parking lot of the hospital. Just as I reached my car, my purse started vibrating and playing the Superman theme song. I was a ringtone whore. I must have spent half my paycheck downloading songs and ringtones in iTunes store. I had a different ringtone for every person in my Contact List. I hand-selected the tone based on the person, making sure each song fit their personality. This particular ringtone, the one from the original movie, with its sweeping melodic ballad, was for Logan. He always reminded me of a superhero because he was so giving and selfless, so I made him one —on my phone at least.

"Hey Superman. What's up?"

"Hey Leah. You still at work?"

"Well, technically, yes." I said, starting to do a little dance in the middle of the deserted parking lot in an effort to keep my toes from falling off.

"I'm in the parking lot. Why? Are you okay?"

Suddenly I was concerned. Logan had been diagnosed with Hodgkin's disease several months earlier, and although the prognosis looked good, after several rounds of chemotherapy and radiation, I still worried.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm actually here at work too."

Logan was a doctor and we worked at the same hospital. He worked in the emergency room though, so we very rarely saw each other.

"I wanted to ask a favor. We just had a pretty bad car accident come through. Trucker fell asleep at the wheel and veered off into oncoming traffic. Clipped a car, sending it head-on into a tree. We did everything we could for the driver, but she didn't make it. The trucker is fine, of course."

"What do you need me for Logan? You know I'm not trained in trauma, and it sounds like it's too late anyway."

"No, I know that." He paused as he let out a deep breath. "Leah, there's a kid."

I felt all the air leave my lungs at once. Oh God, that poor child.

"How old, Logan?"

"Seven."

"I'll be right there."

I walked back into the hospital, and headed towards the ER. Thoughts swarmed my mind as I tried to figure out what to do or say to a child who had just lost his mother. I was the same age when I'd lost mine. Granted, it wasn't the same situation. His hadn't chosen to leave him. But it was still a loss. I knew what it could do to a child. The loss could eat away, slowly taking that childhood innocence until there's nothing but bitterness and longing. If it hadn't been for my best friend Clare and her family, I would have been swallowed by it.