Nets and Lies(42)

But when his hand snaked down to the button of my jeans, my throat started to close up. A prickly sensation needled its way over my body before lodging in my chest. This wasn’t right. I wasn’t supposed to feel this way. All the pleasure and anticipation washed away, and a stone cold reality crashed down on me.

With my eyes pinched shut, I willed the feeling to go away. I tried running my fingers through his hair again. But it didn’t help. Then I brought my hands to his bare chest, but as my hand touched his skin, something flickered in my mind—slow at first like glimmering images on a pond. Then it charged full force like a train.

It wasn’t Will on top of me anymore with his hands roaming over my body, seeking what I had for so long denied him. It was Coach T. I heard his voice in my ear, “Will’s just a boy. What does he know? You need a man to teach you about love…you need me to teach you!”

And then I shattered.

“No, no, no!” I screamed. Pounding against Will’s chest, I flailed and writhed out of his grasp the way I had wanted to with Coach T.

“Mel, what’s wrong?” Will asked.

I didn’t answer him. Instead, I slid out from under him and then raced into the bathroom. I heaved the entire contents of my stomach into the toilet. Over and over I threw up until there was nothing left in me. When I finished, I collapsed onto the floor.

Will was by my side. “Are you all right?”

My body shook and convulsed all over. He squatted down beside me. “Oh God, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pressured you to do this. I’m sorry, Mel. I’m so freakin’ sorry.” He tenderly pushed my hair out of my face. That tiny, insignificant gesture sent me over the edge. I began weeping. Hard, guttural sobs that shook my body.

Will wrapped me in his arms. His voice hovered over my ear. “Is this because of what’s happened with my dad?”

“Oh God, Will. I can’t,” I moaned.

“Yes, you can. I love you, and you can tell me anything.”

“Not this!”

Will shook his head.

“It’ll destroy us,” I whispered.

“No, it won’t. Nothing can destroy us, remember?” He grabbed my face in his hands and stared into my eyes. “I love you more than life itself. Nothing you say or do is gonna change that!”

“I was…” I gulped. Flashes of what occurred in Coach T’s office flickered in my mind. “He hurt me,” I whispered.

“What? Who hurt you?” Will pressed.

“What Jordan said about me…it’s true.”

Will’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Wait, they said you were raped.”

I nodded weakly.

His dark eyes widened as his mouth fell open in disbelief. He could only stare at me for a few moments. “I…But why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was so ashamed that I couldn’t tell anyone. I locked it away somewhere deep inside of me until we started making out…then it all came back.”

Finally, it hit him. The one question he hadn’t asked. But by the expression forming on his face, he already knew the answer. “Who was it?” he questioned, his voice choked off by emotion.

“It’s so awful. I can’t!” I cried.

Will grabbed me by the shoulders, tears pooling in his dark eyes. “Tell me!” he demanded. Before I had the chance to open my mouth, he shouted, “Say it, dammit!”

Finally, I whispered, “Your dad.”

The moment the words left my lips, I regretted them. I didn’t have to tell him who it was. I could’ve lied and said it was some stranger, a serial ra**st targeting young girls. I’d lied to myself for long enough about what happened. What would it hurt to keep it in?

I wished it more than anything when Will pulled away from me. The horror in his eyes broke me. I didn’t know what it meant to have a nervous breakdown. I’d heard people jokingly exaggerate that they’d had one. Until that moment on my bathroom floor, I had no concept.

Then the frayed strands of my sanity that I’d fought so hard to keep together snapped in two, and I started to free fall into chaos.

First, I screamed.

I screamed and I screamed until I was hoarse. Then my screams turned over to cries of agony. Pain, both physical and emotional, consumed me. Will tried to console me, but it was useless. He panicked and called my parents.

When they heard my sobs in the background, they told him to call the paramedics. So he did. By the time they arrived, I was spent of emotions. Instead, I lay motionless on the floor. They were a hazy blur of blue uniforms and soft voices. I could hear them calling my name from far off—like I was under the surface of water. But I couldn’t muster the strength to reply. I heard crying behind me. It must’ve been Will because one of the paramedics said, “Don’t worry, son, we’re gonna take good care of her.”

Then I felt myself floating upwards as they put me on a gurney. I rattled and shook as they pulled me out of the house. The flashing lights hurt my eyes. But then a needle pierced my vein, bringing liquid peace to my soul.

Chapter Thirteen: Jordan

It was just another Friday afternoon. But in a way, it was special. It marked one week down at my new school. One week and counting of the new and improved Jordan Marie Solano.

Even though I didn’t want to admit it, I liked St. Catherine’s. No tension or sexual pressure hung in the air. All of that was reserved for outside of school. Within the building, it was just three hundred girls focused on their education.