Nets and Lies(38)

The waitress came hurrying over. “I’m so sorry. It just slipped right through my hands,” Mom apologized.

“Oh, it’s all right,” the waitress, whose nametag read ‘Tami”, assured.

Once the mess was cleaned up, Mom turned her dark eyes toward me. “How dare you mention that today?”

“Why not? It was Carson’s fault both times. I mean, he did knock me up, remember?”

Mom shook her head. “Don’t do this today, Jordan. Please!”

Tami interrupted her pleas. “Can I get you another drink?”

Mom bobbed her head, and Tami headed back to the bar. “If we’re strolling down memory lane, I believe he beat the shit out of you when you told him about the pregnancy, just like today,” Mom said.

I flinched. “Yeah, he did. But you kept saying maybe it was for the best because it would make me have a miscarriage.”

This time when Tami brought the drink, Mom grabbed it up. “Jordan, you were fifteen years old. What was I supposed to say? ‘Sure sweetheart, I think it’s great you’re going to have a baby. Won’t you look sweet at prom with a big belly? And sure I want to be a grandmother at thirty five!’”

I speared the tomato in my salad, watching the seeds and juice ooze out. “Yeah, well, maybe it was wrong of me to have an abortion, don’t you ever think about that?”

Mom closed her eyes as she downed the drink. “Don’t moralize to me, all right? We’ve both made mistakes, okay? I realize I’m not Mother of the Year, but cut me some f**king slack!”

I smeared the tomato around my salad, watching the greenery become a red, slick mess. “You said it would all work out. You said I’d get revenge,” I muttered, under my breath.

“Is this what it’s all about? Him?”

“Maybe.”

Mom sighed. “Revenge doesn’t come overnight, Jordan. It takes time to make someone suffer. You don’t get something for nothing, baby girl.”

I slammed my fork on the table. “So far I’ve gotten nothing but shit because of all of this. My car’s been screwed up, everyone hates me, I’ve gotten death threats on the answering machine, and today,” I shivered, “I was almost killed!”

Pushing her salad away, Mom then folded her hands in her lap. “So what do you want? Do you regret saying anything? Do you wish you’d just let him throw you aside like a used condom or something?”

It was then a slow pounding began in my head. “I don’t know,” I murmured. I brought my hand to my scalp, feeling along the bump. “I just want my life back.”

I glanced up to find Mom smiling sadly at me. “You’re never going to have your life back, JoJo. What we’ve done is done, and now whatever you had is gone.”

“Thanks for the pep talk,” I snapped.

She reached across the table to take my hand. “Listen to me. You just pitched a bitch fit to stay at a school that doesn’t want you anymore. Baby, I could have told you it was never going to be the same.”

Tears stung my eyes, and for the first time in the past few days, I regretted everything. And in that moment, I knew that if I could have taken it all back, I would have. Just to have my old life again. The life that a mere five days ago was completely different than the hell I experienced now.

“Don’t cry, baby. There are good times for you still out there.”

“Good things come to good people, and I sure as hell haven’t been good.” I wiped my eyes with the back of my sleeve and shook my head. I shook my head when Mom started to protest. “Something has to give.”

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Oh?”

“Yeah, Mom, I’m really serious. Right now, my life could be some pathetic Lifetime movie. I’m only eighteen years old, but I’ve been in an abusive relationship, I’ve been pregnant, and not only have I had an affair with a married man, but I’ve accused him of rape.” I snatched the napkin off the table and wiped my nose. “I mean, if this isn’t the big turning point, I don’t know what else is.”

As the words rolled off my tongue, it sounded like someone else saying them. But deep down I knew it was the truth, and it was almost freeing to say the words out-loud. I mean, anyone could see I had totally f**ked up my life, and there was no one else to blame but me. So, in the same token, there was no one else to get me outta the shithole but me.

I didn’t want this darkness hanging over me anymore. I wanted peace and some semblance of a new life. I couldn’t cling to the Old Jordan anymore. I had to become reborn.

Across the table, Mom remained silent. “All right, JoJo, if you’re serious, you know that I support you. We can drop the charges against Coach T. We’ll enroll you at this Pathways school, and you can start seeing my therapist—”

“No therapists.” I’d been that route before just after my dad left. There’s nothing to make you feel like a total loser than going to a “kiddie shrink”.

Tami interrupted us by bringing our food. Suddenly, I didn’t have much of an appetite. Mom must of noticed because she said, “Tami, would you be a dear and bring us some to-go boxes? We’re going to have to be leaving soon.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

When she left, Mom looked at me. “You need to eat, JoJo.”