Nets and Lies(41)

“I’m so sorry,” I murmured, running my hand over his back.

He sighed with exasperation. “Everything is just so f**ked up now. Mom’s crying all the time. Dad just mopes around the house, staring at all his trophies and coaching awards. The way people look at me in the hallway…” he shook his head angrily. “And the shit they say about you-”

“It’ll die down,” I argued.

“When? It’s been over a week, Mel, and it’s still the hottest gossip at school. Now that the newspapers leaked the fact there’s physical evidence, people are really believing it about Jordan. And when the trial starts.” He closed his eyes and moaned. “Jesus, what will it be like then?”

My heart ached for Will. I wished there was somewhere we could escape. Somewhere far, far away from the scandal and the issues and problems that bogged us down. Maybe a tropical island where no one knew us. An island with crystal blue water and white sandy beaches. Somewhere we could be alone together. A place to drown our troubles in each other’s kisses.

Without stopping to think anymore, I brought my lips to his. At first, he didn’t kiss me back, but when I wrapped my arms around his neck, his lips became eager against mine.

The past week had been a living hell, and I wanted nothing more but for an escape. But then there was also a burning need crackling within me—one that shocked and revolted me. I wanted to erase any memories I had of Coach T raping me, and there was only one way to do that.

I straddled Will’s h*ps and pushed him back against the couch. He jerked his lips from mine. “Mel, what are you doing?”

I stared into his eyes—cloudy with combustive mix of grief and longing. “I-I want to be with you.”

Will’s eyebrows shot up. “Are you kidding me? Now?”

Warmth filled my cheeks as I ducked my head and nodded. When I finally dared to meet his gaze, he was staring at me. “Don’t you want to?” I whispered.

A ragged breath escaped his chest. “Of course I want to. But the question is after all the shit that’s gone down this week, are you sure you want to?”

The truth was I needed this to happen now more than ever before. I needed to be the normal girl who slept with her high school boyfriend, not a rape victim. More than anything, sex was my decision this time, and I controlled whether it happened or it didn’t. No one was forcing me to do anything, and it was empowering.

I picked at the rose pattern on my throw and refused to answer him. He took my hand in his. “Mel, I want to be with you more than anything in the world, but I want to know that we’re doing this for the right reasons.”

My heart beat erratically in my chest. “I love you so much, Will. I just want something good to happen with all this craziness around us.”

He stared at me for a moment before he finally smiled. “I love you, too,” he murmured. Then he kissed me, and he didn’t argue or question me anymore. I slid off his lap and then stood up from the couch, pulling him up beside me. Hand and hand we walked up the stairs.

Part of me tingled with excitement. This was it. I was finally going to be with Will. We were going to make love for the first time—after all this time.

But the voices of doubt mocked me. What do you think you’re doing? You can’t give yourself to him—you’ve already been had! And by his father.

I reached the landing of the stairs and squeezed my eyes shut, desperately battling the raging war in my mind. If I’m with Will, it can erase the past. Our love is powerful enough to take the rape away. I truly believed I could delude myself into accepting he was my first—that what happened in Coach T’s office was false. Yes, once we were together, it would change.

Will walked on ahead of me into the bedroom. I shut and locked the door behind us. I knew we had enough time. It would be hours before my parents got back home.

He waited for me in the center of the room. I took slow steps over to him. He drew me into his arms, kissing me lightly on the lips. His kisses then trailed across my cheek.

“Don’t be nervous,” he murmured, as his lips grazed my ear.

“I’m not,” I lied. But it was impossible not to be. I wasn’t just making love with him—I was using the moment to drown out the past.

Will’s lips briefly met mine before his tongue swept inside my mouth. I ran my fingers through his hair. He sat me down at the edge of the bed. I glanced up at him shyly as I pulled his shirt out of his jeans. He raised his arms as I whisked his shirt away. He brought my hand to his bare chest. “I love you with all my heart, Melanie Reeves, and one day, I’m going to marry you.”

I couldn’t help giggling. “I’m already going to sleep with you, Will, so don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep!”

He shook his head. “I really mean it. I don’t care if they say we’re too young and don’t know what we’re doing. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Tears stung my eyes. “You really want to marry me?”

“If I had a ring, I’d get on one knee right now!” he assured me, with a grin.

“I’d say yes,” I whispered.

He kissed me. “I’m glad to hear it.” Then he eased me onto my back. The moment I felt his weight on me, I began to panic. I tore my lips from his, desperate for air. Will took it as an invitation and began kissing down my neck. I closed my eyes and tried focusing on the sensation of his hands under my shirt.