Need Me (Broke and Beautiful #2)(57)

Dean Mahoney went so still that the only sign of movement was red creeping over his bald head. If a pin dropped, it would have sounded like a bomb going off in the office. Instead, Peter cracked his knuckles, making Dean Mahoney jump in his seat and upset a cup of Bic pens.

The older man’s fingers moved over the keyboard of his computer. “I’ll just take one more look at Ms. Perribow’s file before I make a final decision.”

Tension seeped from Ben’s body, nearly causing him to fall off the damn chair, but right on its heels, the grief of losing Honey rushed back in where it belonged. He cleared his rusted throat. “Thank you. That’s all I ask.”

HONEY SAT ON the floor of her childhood bedroom, staring at the Dixie Chicks poster hanging over her desk. She could remember putting it up the morning after she returned from the concert with her mother. Placing the tape carefully along the edges and corners, positioning it perfectly before smoothing it down. Stepping back and admiring it, allowing herself to giggle, since no one was in the room with her.

There were memories overflowing in every room of this house. Comforting memories that she desperately needed right now, when she felt as if she’d crack down the middle if she moved. It didn’t help that two days later, her lips were still swollen from kissing Ben in her baseball field. Every time she washed herself in the shower, the lingering twinge between her legs brought images to her mind that had no place around her broken heart. She didn’t want to think about his breath rasping against her ear as he moved inside her. Or the way he tasted. The way he’d held her so tightly afterward.

No. She wanted to keep on hating him. Hating him gave her one more excuse to stay here indefinitely. Rolling around in her pile of fond memories and reliving the past. Every inch of this house, this town, her family was written on her soul. New York had only just started to creep in. She missed her roommates like hell and knew they were waiting to welcome her back. She’d gone there mostly for school, and now school wasn’t an option. Ben had said he would fix what he’d done, but there was no guarantee it was possible. Even if he did work some kind of magic, did she want to go back?

Honey flopped onto her back. Adventure. The other reason she’d gone to New York. Wanting to live and have experiences no one else in her family could boast of. Look where it had landed her. Right back where she’d started. Only now it felt like she had a knife permanently stuck in her gut, courtesy of one gorgeous, complicated professor who’d finally overcome his writer’s block in the form of a letter that slandered her character. God. God, it hurt to think about.

She’d tried out the big city, hadn’t she? No one could accuse her of laziness or wasting her potential. There were colleges within driving distance of home where she could get the same quality education. Right?

Coward. You’re running.

A knock on her door interrupted her pity party. “Honey?”

“Yeah, Mom?”

“Get on some pants if you need to. I’m coming in.”

Honey sat up and pushed her hair out of her face. Her family had mostly left her alone since the scene with Ben. After her mother had patched up Elmer, he’d hung around on the porch for a while before taking the hint and leaving, too. She’d felt genuinely bad about that, since she was the reason he had a broken nose, but her own grief outweighed the politeness that had been instilled in her.

She put on what she hoped was a brave smile for her mother, who took a seat at the end of the bed. “How long are you planning on staying here?”

“Probably until dinnertime. Why? You need help peeling spuds?”

“No, I’ve got your brother doing it. His legs are broken, but his hands most certainly are not.” Her mother leaned back on the bed. “And I wasn’t talking about this room. I meant Bloomfield. How long are you planning on staying here?”

Honey dropped her gaze to the faded blue carpet. “Are you saying I’ve worn out my welcome?” She’d meant it as a joke, but when her mother stayed silent, her head came up. “Mom?”

“The dean called this morning. They’ve reinstated you as a student and restored your financial aid.”

Every cell moving in her body screeched to a halt, leaving her light-headed. “H-how? Are you . . . sure?”

“I wouldn’t tell you if I wasn’t sure.” Her mother watched her closely. “As for how, I think you know Ben had something to do with it.”

“I don’t want to talk about him,” Honey wheezed. Just hearing his name spoken out loud felt like a sledgehammer being taken to her ribs. How long would it be like this? If she went back to New York, she’d hear his name all the time from her friends, Louis, Russell. Just another reason to stay put. He’d made everything right, just like he’d promised he would, but it didn’t change anything. Didn’t change the horrible, run-down way she was feeling.

“Well?” her mother prompted. “Why aren’t you throwing clothes into your suitcase?”

Honey didn’t have an answer for that, so she just stayed perfectly still. Same as she’d been doing all morning. If she rattled any of the checked emotions inside her, they would all bleed together and erupt out of her.

“All right, if you don’t want to talk, you can just listen.” Her mother tucked a stray hair back into her bun. “I never told you this, Honey, but I had my chance to get out of Bloomfield. Nothing so important as school, just a couple of my friends heading to Florida for the summer in a rusted orange VW van.” She smiled, as if she could see it right in front of her. “I’ll admit it. I was scared. Scared to miss something back home. Scared of the unknown. Everything you probably felt moving to New York City. The difference is, you did it.”