My One and Only(103)



“Um…well, not really. No.”

Nick glared at me. “This is what you do, isn’t it? You erase me. You leave me. Our whole time together, back then and right now, one foot out the door. Just in case.”

“Nick, he met me at the airport with his whole family—”

“And you just couldn’t figure out a way to say no.”

I paused. Maybe he did understand. “Exactly. I just needed a few days—”

“You couldn’t figure out a way to say no to me, either. That’s why you married me. You told me that just this week.”

I started to answer, then stopped. “I…it wasn’t—”

“So will you marry Dennis because you can’t see a way out of it, Harper?” His eyes were molten with anger.

I took a breath. “No. Really, Nick. I’m not even remotely considering marrying Dennis.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets. The wind rumpled his hair, and he stared at me with his gypsy eyes. “Well, let me ask you this, Harper. Are you considering marrying me?”

The question hung in the air between us. I hesitated. “Well, I think before we talk about that, Nick, we have to figure out—”

He held up his hand. “Stop,” he said. “Just…stop.”

I obeyed, forcing myself not to chew on my cuticles. Nick looked out over the water, past the boats, past the Coast Guard station, out toward the open water. He couldn’t seem to look at me.

Then a car pulled up, the same taxi service that had dropped off Willa. “Someone call a cab?” the driver said amiably.

“Yeah,” Nick said.

My mouth went dry, my heart clattered. “Nick, don’t leave. Don’t go,” I said unevenly. “Look, it’s not that I’m not, you know…it’s just that this is all really new and sudden, and it’s hard—”

“It’s not hard for me!” he barked, causing both the cabbie and me to jump. “Harper, I’ve loved you all my adult life, but you just can’t believe that, and nothing I do will change your mind. You want a guarantee, you want a f**king crystal ball to see the future, and I can’t give you one. The only thing I can say is that I love you, I always have, I always will, but somehow that’s not good enough for you. And I just can’t do this any more.” He opened the door, took a breath, then forced himself to look at me. “Take care of yourself.”

Then he got in the cab, slammed the door and that was that.

The car pulled away, the seagulls wheeled and cried. A crow called from a telephone wire, and a lobster boat’s engine coughed, then turned over.

From my overactive, ever-analyzing brain, there was nothing, and where my heart had been, there now seemed to be an abandoned mineshaft, empty, dark and hollow.

EVERYONE WAS STILL IN my kitchen when I got back. Nick’s irises lay on the table next to Willa, who was idly stroking a petal. Kim leaned against the counter, talking to the Costellos, and they all looked up when I walked in.

“Where have you been, honey?” Sarah asked. “Are you all right? You’ll get a burn if you don’t wear a hat. Do you have sunscreen on?”

“Where’s Dennis?” I asked.

“He’s getting dressed,” she answered. “Why, dear?”

I dragged my eyes up to hers. “I…I need to talk to him.” I said. My expression must’ve been telling, because her mouth made an O of surprise, and a flash of wariness crossed her face.

“Maybe we should catch up with you two later on,” Jack said.

“Yes!” Sarah agreed. “Right. Okay, dear. Um…goodbye.” I watched them leave, then closed my eyes briefly.

“Willa, why don’t we go to my house for a little bit?” Kim suggested.

“You okay?” Willa asked me.

“Um…not really,” I said. “I need to talk to Den for a little bit.”

“Oh,” she said. “Oh, shit. Sorry.”

“I’ll be home,” Kim murmured, giving me a quick pat as she herded Willa out the door.

The quiet of the house was almost palpable. I took a breath, then another, but my heart kept thudding painfully away. Dennis hadn’t come out of the bedroom, and after another minute or two, I went in to see what was keeping him.

He was sitting on the edge of my bed, petting Coco, staring at the floor.

“Hey,” I whispered.

“Wait,” he said. “Hang on a sec.” He looked up at the ceiling and when he looked at me again, his lovely blue eyes were wet. “I did everything on the list.”

I pressed my fingers against my lips. Nodded. This was awful. I swallowed hard. “I know.”

“But you don’t want to marry me anyway.”

“Den, I’m so sorry,” I whispered, sitting next to him.

“So. Nick, huh?”

I nodded, too miserable to speak.

Dennis shook his head. “I shoulda known. The way you two fought in Montana…the way you looked at him.” Dennis scrubbed his face. “You never looked at me that way.”

A thousand points for Dennis. He might’ve been a big lug, but he was no dope. I wiped my eyes. Guess the dam had been broken on crying.

We sat there another minute, then Dennis sighed. “Well. I guess I never looked at you that way, either.” He glanced at me. “So why’d you say you’d marry me, Harper?”

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