Music of the Soul (Runaway Train #2.5)(19)
“Do not bring my mother into this conversation,” he growled.
“I’m sorry.”
“You know what really worries me? That you’ll decide when it’s time for us to have kids, whether I’m ready or not.”
“And how exactly would I do that?”
His blue eyes flashed. “By suddenly forgetting to take your birth control.”
I gasped. “You think I would actually go so far as to go behind your back to conceive a child?”
“If I kept denying you, then yes, I do think you would do that.”
“Y-You’re…an ass**le!” I shouted before I clambered to my feet. Wrapping my arms around my naked chest, I stalked away from the bonfire toward the house. Halfway across the sand, the anger began to fade, and hot tears streamed down my cheeks. Craning my neck over my shoulder, I hoped that Jake was coming after to me to apologize or talk things out. Unfortunately, he remained at the fire pit.
I couldn’t believe the things he had said—the way he felt about me somehow deceiving him and getting pregnant. It wounded me deep to my core that he would ever think I could do such a thing. Our relationship had always been built on trust, and now he was making me question that. There was also the fact that he had confirmed my fears about him being like his father and cheating. Deep down, I never could believe he would ever do such a thing, but now the doubt was planted in my mind, and it caused my chest to ache.
When I got inside the house, I was mentally and physically exhausted. But just the thought of getting into the bed where we’d consummated our marriage and made love the night before was too painful. Instead, I threw on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt before collapsing onto the couch. I wrapped myself in a cocoon of blankets. It didn’t take long for the tears to come again. Never did I think I would spend one night of my honeymoon crying myself to sleep, but it looked like that was going to happen tonight. I brought my hands to my face and started sobbing uncontrollably.
Chapter Seven
I don’t know how long I spent sitting out beside the bonfire. I was too raw from my fight with Abby to go after her right away. I knew I needed to apologize. The hard part was that both of us had spoken the truth. Abby had all too easily guessed my issues with fatherhood, and I had let my worst fears about her slip out. In the two years we’d been together, we’d rarely fought over anything of real importance. I’m not saying I didn’t treat her like a callous dickhead several times when we first started dating, but everything else had always clicked into place so easily for us. Now we were twenty-four hours into our marriage and had just experienced our first major fight. And it was a real doozy.
Some newlyweds fought about paint colors and finances. Abby and I had to go straight for the jugular and fight about our future family. With a ragged sigh, I rubbed my eyes that were stinging from the bonfire’s smoke. At least I thought it was the smoke. Maybe I was being a real pu**y and crying over our fight.
The truth was I didn’t hate the idea of having kids someday—just not anytime soon. I loved Jude and Melody, and now Bella had me wrapped around her little finger. But at the end of playtime or hanging out with them, they went home with their parents. They weren’t my sole responsibility. Babies and kids took a lot of work, time, and energy that I wasn’t ready to give yet. Of course, I wanted to get Abby pregnant someday. She was going to make the most amazing mother in the entire world. But I didn’t know why she had to have such baby fever now when she was only twenty-three. She was acting like she was thirty-five, and her biological clock was ticking. We shared so many of the same likes, dreams, and passions that it was hard imagining we were so far off the mark with the baby thing.
After extinguishing the fire, I dejectedly made my way to the house. I didn’t know what I was going to say to Abby. I tried going over it in my mind as I trudged through the cool sand. Somehow I knew I needed to lead off with Yes, I’m a giant, unfeeling bastard…and then follow up with Please, please forgive me. At the same time, I knew I had to somehow make it clear that although I was sorry for what I said, I wasn’t changing my mind about when we were going to start a family.
The house was dark when I got inside. I started for the bedroom when I heard a sniffle from the living room. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw a heap of blankets on the couch. Somewhere underneath it was Abby. And she was crying.
Damn, I was a bastard.
With an exasperated sigh, I threw my head back and gazed up at the ceiling. This is so not how I envisioned this night to be. “Abby, you don’t need to sleep on the couch. If anyone should, it’s me.”
“I’m fine,” she sniffed.
“Would you please come to bed, so we can talk about this?” She huffed contemptuously like I was some mega horndog, trying to get her into bed to screw through my apology. “I mean, I think the mattress is big enough that you don’t have to worry about touching me if you don’t want to.”
“Just leave me alone,” she snapped.
Although the words ‘I’m so sorry’ formed on my tongue, I couldn’t say them. Instead, I grumbled, “Whatever,” before stalking back to the bedroom. I jerked the sheet and comforter down before flopping down on the mattress. The instant I turned over, pain jackknifed through my chest. Although I was all alone in bed, Abby remained all around me. Her scent of jasmine and vanilla mingled on the sheets while her strawberry shampoo filled the pillow next to me. A few withered rose petals still littered the sheets from where we had made love last night.