Music of the Soul (Runaway Train #2.5)(18)

“Oh yeah. It would feel just like we were home if it weren’t for the sand in my ass crack.”

I giggled as I raised my head to look into his eyes that were twinkling with amusement. “It was your idea to have sex all over this beach, remember?”

“Oh yes, I remember every f**kable detail,” he replied, before nipping my lips.

True to his word, Jake had taken me in almost every position possible out on the beach. After breakfast, a quick dip in the ocean had led to an almost exact recreation of the beach scene in From Here to Eternity. We made it a little further onto the shore before the palms of my hands got extremely exfoliated after he’d pushed me onto my knees and had taken me doggy style. I never knew there could be such a thing as sand burn, but I had red, almost raw places on my elbows and knees.

Around six, the catamaran had arrived with dinner. We ate outside on the porch and watched the gorgeous sunset. To walk off the enormous amount of food we had consumed, we took a stroll on the beach that led to another roll in the sand. Once we recovered, Jake had lit the bonfire before grabbing a blanket and wrapping me in his arms. The conversation flowed easily between us as we rehashed all that had happened at the wedding and reception.

“Jude and Melody did so well, didn’t they?” I asked.

Jake nodded. “They sure did. I think they’ll have their duties down to an art by the time AJ and Mia’s wedding rolls around.”

“Probably so. Of course, Mia wants Bella to have a part, too.” I smiled up at him. “Didn’t Bella look adorable yesterday? I loved when you danced with her and Melody together. So sweet.”

Jake remained uncharacteristically quiet. “You and Bella together are trouble.”

My brows furrowed at his comment. “What do you mean?”

“It was the way you looked at her while you held her.”

“And just how did I look at her?”

“Like you were dreaming she was yours.”

“I did not!” I protested, as embarrassed heat enflamed my cheeks.

“Yeah, you did.”

I stared up at the sky encrusted with glittering stars. There was some truth in what Jake said. As Bella snuggled into my chest, emitting a tiny little sigh, I did imagine what it would be like to have a baby—Jake’s baby—sleeping in my arms. “I was just holding her for Mia and AJ to dance,” I said softly.

“But you did wish she was yours,” Jake insisted.

“Ours,” I corrected him. I heaved a frustrated sigh. “She’s my goddaughter—I’m always going to feel a close connection to her. But I know she has two amazing parents who love her. And yeah, I was thinking about babies and children when I held her. Mainly, it was the overwhelming emotion of just how much I want a baby of our own—not just mine, but yours.” I cut my eyes over to his. “I don’t have to dream or fantasize about what will really happen in the future, do I?”

Jake jerked a hand through his hair. “I’ve been worried when you became Mrs. Jake Slater, your desire for kids would go into overdrive, and now I see I was right.”

“Is wanting a baby such a bad thing?”

“When it’s going to be five years before we have one, then yeah, it is bad for you to get so attached to the idea.”

My brows shot up in surprise. “Now it’s five years? I thought it was two US tours and one world?”

Jake shrugged. “It’s just a good number.”

Peering into his face, I asked, “Why are you really afraid of having kids?”

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

Jake’s jaw clenched and unclenched before he spoke. “Look, I’ll openly admit I’m a selfish son of a bitch about having kids right now, but I’m not afraid. You’re only twenty-three, Abby. You have the rest of your life to be tied down with a kid.”

My mouth gaped open at his words. “Tied down? Is that what you think of Mia or Lily? Are they bound by their kids?”

“No, that’s not what I meant.”

“Then what do you mean?”

With a grimace, Jake said, “Kids change everything, okay? We’ve only had two years together. I want a few more before we bring kids into the picture.”

“Is your aversion to fatherhood because of your dad?”

Jake’s expression darkened. “What the f**k is that supposed to mean?”

I opened my mouth and then closed it shut. I didn’t think I was ready to test out my theory on Jake, especially now that he was pissed off. “Abby?” he prompted.

Drawing in a ragged breath, I exhaled it before I responded. “I think you’re afraid that when you have the pressures of a wife and kids, you’ll become your father and stray.” Feeling more courageous, I continued on. “Somehow, you think if we don’t have kids for a long time, you can prolong what you feel is the inevitable—that you will cheat on me and lose me.”

His mouth fell open my summation, and I knew then that I had hit the nail on the head. “You’re not your father, Jake,” I said in a whisper.

“I know that,” he snapped.

“Then don’t be afraid of making his mistakes.”

He threw up his hands in frustration. “This is bullshit.”

Staring down at the checked blanket, I said in a low voice, “By the way you’re reacting, I think you and I both know it’s true. But regardless of all the shit with your dad, you have to know that your mother never, ever felt tied down by you. She was grateful for every moment she had with you.”