Midnight Sun (Twilight #1.5)(87)

Bella was blushing again... thinking about him touching her.

I would break her.

Both Bella and Jacob grimaced at that.

Bella turned away from the door, in such a hurry that she nearly ran right by my car without noticing it.

Then she skidded to a stop, her knees locking like a startled colt's. Her bag slid further down her arm, and her eyes flew wide as they focused on the car.

Jacob was laughing at this description... imaging it quite clearly in his head and Bella kept reading, blushing as she did so.

I got out, taking no care to move at human speed, and opened the passenger door for her. I would not try to deceive her anymore - when we were alone, at least, I would be myself.

Bella smiled at that... this was definitely what she wanted.

She looked up at me, startled again as I seemingly materialized out of the fog.

And then the surprise in her eyes changed to something else, and I was no longer afraid -  or hopeful - that her feelings for me had changed in the course of the night. Warmth, wonder, fascination, all swimming in the melted chocolate of her eyes.

"Do you want to ride with me today?" I asked. Unlike dinner last night, I would let her choose. From now on, it must always be her choice.

"Good," Jacob said.

"Yes, thank you," she murmured, climbing into my car without hesitation.

Would it ever cease to thrill me, that I was the one she was saying yes to? I doubted it.

I flashed around the car, eager to join her. She showed no sign of being shocked by my sudden reappearance.

The happiness I felt when she sat beside me this way had no precedent. As much as I enjoyed the love and companionship of my family, despite the various entertainments and distractions the world had to offer, I had never been happy like this. Even knowing that it was wrong, that this couldn't possibly end well, could not keep the smile from my face for long.

My jacket was folded over the headrest of her seat. I saw her eyeing it.

"I brought the jacket for you," I told her. This was my excuse, had I needed to provide one, for showing up uninvited this morning. It was cold. She had no jacket.

"Lame excuse," Jacob said.

"He doesn't need an excuse," Bella shrugged.

"Doesn't make that any less lame," Jacob shrugged.

Surely this was an acceptable form of chivalry. "I didn't want you to get sick or something."

"I'm not quite that delicate," she said, staring at my chest rather than my face, as if she were hesitant to meet my eyes.

"Or maybe she's just ogling you," Jacob said and laughed when Bella turned bright red.

But she put the coat on before I had to resort to commanding or coaxing.

"Aren't you?" I muttered to myself.

She stared out at the road as I accelerated toward the school. I could only stand the silence for a few seconds. I had to know what her thoughts were this morning. So much had changed between us since the last time the sun was up.

"What, no twenty questions today?" I asked, keeping it light again.

She smiled, seeming glad that I'd broached the subject. "Do my questions bother you?"

"Not as much as your reactions do," I told her honestly, smiling in response to her smile.

"There's nothing wrong with my reactions," Bella said.

"Except to this crazy vampire that doesn't want anything to make him too happy," Jacob said.

Her mouth turned down. "Do I react badly?"

"No, that's the problem. You take everything so coolly - it's unnatural." Not one scream so far. How could that be? "It makes me wonder what you're really thinking."

Of course, everything she did or didn't do made me wonder that.

"Sorry," Bella shrugged, smiling.

"I always tell you what I'm really thinking."

"You edit."

Her teeth pressed into her lip again. She didn't seem to notice when she did this - it was an unconscious response to tension.

"Apparently," Jacob chuckled, noticing that Bella was doing that at the moment.

"Not very much."

Just those words were enough to have my curiosity raging. What did she purposefully keep from me?

Bella rolled her eyes... purposefully keep from him...

"Enough to drive me insane," I said.

She hesitated, and then whispered, "You don't want to hear it."

I had to think for a moment, run through our entire conversation last night, word for word, before I made the connection. Perhaps it took so much concentration because I couldn't imagine anything that I wouldn't want her to say to me. And then - because the tone of her voice was the same as last night; there was suddenly pain there again - I remembered. Once, I had asked her not to speak her thoughts. Never say that, I'd all but snarled at her. I had made her cry...

Was this what she kept from me? The depth of her feelings about me? That my being a monster didn't matter to her, and that she thought it was too late for her to change her mind?

Well, that was entirely possible, Bella thought to herself.

I was unable to speak, because the joy and pain were too strong for words, the conflict between them too wild to allow for a coherent response. It was silent in the car except for the steady rhythms of her heart and lungs.

"Where's the rest of your family?" she asked suddenly.