Love, Lies, and Deception(36)
I scoffed and lifted my head, but instead of looking at him I gazed out at the rolling mountains off in the distance. “You know, Alec, the drugs and alcohol I can handle. Especially now since I know that it’s in your past and you don’t abuse it anymore. As far as the girl who died, I saw where it was rendered an overdose and an accidental drowning, but it doesn’t excuse the fact that you gave her the drugs and almost died in the process. It was stupid, but you don’t need me lecturing you on that because I’m sure the guilt you feel is punishment enough.”
“You have no idea,” he said, hanging his head.
“Was she your girlfriend?” I asked, but then caught myself and laughed at the ridiculousness of that question. Judging by the pictures I saw, Karey Holden didn’t have girlfriends; he had a freaking horde of sluts. If she was his girlfriend she was one of many.
Still laughing sardonically, I turned to glare at Alec whose jaw was clenched and fists tight. However, he did return my stare, accepting my anger.
“Oh, but wait … you don’t have girlfriends, do you?” I sneered. “You sure did get around didn’t you?”
My breathing was ragged, and I was angry. Why was I getting so angry? Oh, I knew why, but I didn’t want to admit it to myself. I’d fallen for him against my better judgment, and it hurt. It hurt to see him with all those women, knowing he’d probably f*cked hundreds of them, and to also know he was responsible for another one’s death. That burden would stay with him forever and wherever we went it would follow.
Alec sighed and answered honestly, “No, Marissa that girl was not my girlfriend, and no, I didn’t do the girlfriend thing back then. It’s just how it was.”
“I could tell,” I snapped. “And why would you when you had hundreds of girls falling at your feet every night? Hopefully, you used a condom each time. It’s disgusting thinking about how many women you’ve probably had in your bed. How many Alec? Hundreds?”
Alec growled and grabbed my arms to turn me around to face him. “Dammit, Marissa, stop! This is the reason why I didn’t want to tell you. All of those girls only wanted me for the status and for the money, and never once did I not use a condom. I may have been stupid, but I wasn’t that stupid.”
“Thank God for that,” I hissed, trying to get free. He wouldn’t let me go so I continued, “So are you slumming it with me until you go back? Is that all I am to you here? I’ve seen the girls you were with Alec. I’m not glamorous and worth a million dollars like them. I refuse to be a toy that you can discard when you go back to your prestigious life.”
He held me tighter and pulled me to him. “You are more beautiful than all of those women put together. You’re smart, funny, strong, and definitely a girl that has dreams and a future; it’s something I long to have. You’ve given me hope, Marissa. Hope that someone someday could actually love me for being me, and not what I represent.”
Alec let one of my arms go and twisted a strand of my hair through his fingers. “I was hoping that someone would be you,” he whispered to me with such longing in his voice. “I’m falling in love with you, Marissa, and I know I’ve never experienced it before, but I know that’s what this is.” He took my hand and placed it over his heart. “Do you feel how fast my heart is beating?”
It thumped wildly under my hand, and mine was thumping just as hard in my chest. I looked up into his clear blue eyes and answered softly, “Yes.”
“It only beats like that when you touch me. I can’t think of anything else without seeing your face. I don’t want to imagine you not being here anymore, but for now I want to enjoy my time with you while I have it. I know you feel the same way when we make love.”
I gasped and it made him smile. Softly, he muttered, “Yeah, you heard me right. I may be wrong about how you feel, but I’m not going to deny my feelings. I want you, and only you. Other than the garbage you saw on the computer, I’ve never given you a reason to doubt me. You are all I see, and I promise I won’t do anything to hurt you. Please tell me you’ll give me a chance to prove it?”
He took my face in his hands and searched my eyes for an answer. Did I want to take that chance, and risk the fear of him hurting me? Did I want to trust him even though my head was screaming for me to run? What was I going to do?
Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly. Softly, I started to speak, “Alec, I—”
However, that was as far as I’d gotten before Alec crushed his lips to mine and lifted me into his arms. Instantly, I melted and opened myself up to the wave of feelings that crashed over me. “Is this a yes?” he breathed, reluctantly breaking away from the kiss.
I closed my eyes and sighed. When I opened them, I saw the love in Alec’s gaze and I relented. “You have one chance, Alec. If you screw up just once I’m done. Prove to me you can do this. I know no one is perfect and I’m far from it, but I need to know you won’t hurt me.”
He leaned his forehead against mine and smiled. “I promise I’m not going to hurt you and thank you for giving me this chance. I won’t let you down, sunshine.”
“Why do you call me that?” I asked curiously.
“I told you once before, you’re the light to my endless world of darkness. You’re my hope.” He still had me lifted in his arms so I encircled mine around his shoulders and wrapped my legs around his waist. His hands came to rest on my ass, holding me in place.