Leveled (Saints of Denver #0.5)(38)

“And we have the same face.” Rule’s voice was understanding, as I was stopped by Dom’s sister, who put her tiny hand on my arm as I hit the door.

“So far I am not a fan of you, Mr. Fancy-Pants. You hurt his feelings by not being there today and now you have him running away from his surprise party. Royal likes you and says you two are good together, but if you keep hurting my brother”—her eyes were narrowed and I noticed they were a much brighter, sharper green than Dom’s—“I will hurt you.”

I pulled out of her grip. “I’m gonna fix it. Just give me a chance.” I was making a shit first impression on the people who mattered most to him, but as long as Dom would hear me out I would worry about fixing that later. If I thought the fear of losing him to something violent and uncontrollable on the streets was bad, I was wrong. The fear of losing him because of my own stupidity, the idea that he could walk away because of my own failings and hang-ups passed fear and went straight into stone-cold terror.

I had to do what I did best. Fix something that seemed unfixable.

Chapter 13

Dominic

When I passed the conditioning test and the sergeant in charge of administering it shook my hand and told me I could get my badge back as early as next week, I thought I would be filled with so much accomplishment and joy that it would burst out of me. Instead, I shook the man’s hand back and wondered why it all felt anticlimactic. I thought maybe it had to do with the fact there was no lanky ginger there to congratulate me or to appreciate how far we had come together. Maybe it had to do with the fact Royal had been there, with her new partner. Making it clear that I was going back to work but things were different … I was different. Maybe it had to do with the fact I ran the course with twenty other recruits, huffing and puffing alongside the new generation, a generation that didn’t know how bad it could be out there on the streets, a generation that still had the same shiny idealism and drive that I started out with but had let slip and slide somewhere along the way.

Whatever it was, I just wanted to be alone for a minute and get my head out of the dark and cloudy place it had slipped into. I wanted a beer and some quiet, but I should’ve known my family wouldn’t stand for that. I’d made such a big deal, such a fuss about going back to work that there was no way they were going to let me throw a pity party when a regular party was just as easy to throw together.

I knew Ari had something up her sleeve when she showed up at my apartment after class and told me she needed me to change her tire for her. First of all, I had taught both my sisters how to change a tire on their own before either of them could drive but because she was my little sister and I never told her no, I dutifully put on shoes and followed her out the door. I was a little surprised when she guided me towards the Bar, considering she wasn’t even old enough to drink until I caught sight Asa’s Nova and Lando’s Jag in the parking lot. Of course, Royal would have a hand in any celebration that was planned on my behalf and all she would’ve had to do was whisper to her boyfriend to clear out the bar for her so that she could have the perfect place to gather everybody.

I was grumbling about leaving the apartment when the door swung open and before I could fake being surprised and happy to see everyone, my gaze landed on the man I was in love with in the arms of the man he was obviously still in love with. There was always that divide, that distance that kept me from getting all the way to him and the canyon between us stood there in all his tattooed and pierced glory. He sure looked a hell of a lot different than the clean-cut boy in the pictures, but there was no missing that wavy dark hair or those unusually tinted blue eyes.

I might have been indifferent after the physical, but I was anything but after seeing Lando cuddled up to that tattooed hottie. I wanted to hit something or break something and since the closest thing to me was my little sister I decided I needed to make a hasty retreat. I backed out of the bar like it was on fire and bolted for my truck. Sure, it was the coward’s way out and I had just turned tail and run in front of everyone I had been trying to convince for so long that I was still the same strong, unbreakable guy I always was – proving what a lie it all was. I just needed to get away and get some space to breathe.

Hands grabbed my shoulders from the back and I almost turned around swinging. I knew it was going to be Orlando and as much as I wanted to deck him I wanted to love him even more, which meant I could never hurt him.

“I don’t want to talk to you right now.” I had my keys to the truck in my hand and stared at him numbly when he reached out and snatched them out of my grip.

“I know, but you need to let me explain some things to you, Dom. I f*cked up.”

I bit out a laugh and watched the way his eyebrows snapped down over his eyes. “Obviously, but don’t worry, Lando, our ending won’t be disastrous … it’ll just be an end.” I was so pissed I could hardly see straight let alone the remorse and sorrow that lined every inch of his handsome face.

“Do you really think that if I was going to rekindle something with an old flame that I would be cruel enough to flaunt that in your face on your special day, Dom? Do you really think that little of me? Haven’t I spent these last few months telling you how much I don’t want you to hurt or be hurt?”

There was so much sadness in his tone that it smothered some of the flames of rage that were licking across my skin. I narrowed my eyes at him. “You said he wasn’t around anymore and you also told me he was everything at one point in your life. What did you expect my reaction to be, Lando? Even it was just a friendly hug, that’s too much when you are obviously still hung up on the guy. I never had a shot.”