Kiss an Angel(110)

As the audience inside erupted in laughter over the antics of the clowns, she approached him. Misha snorted and tossed his head. She eyed the horse apprehensively. No matter how many times she did this act, she’d never get used to any part of it, including that terrifying moment when Alex pulled her up on the saddle in front of him.

She stopped well short of the horse. “Do you think you could get someone to cover for you after the show? We need to talk.”

He kept his back to her as he adjusted the cinch on the saddle. “It’ll have to wait. I have too much to do.”

She’d reached the limits of her patience. If they didn’t start discussing their problems, they’d never be able to have the kind of marriage both of them needed. “Whatever you have to do can wait.”

The full sleeves of his white shirt billowed as he whipped around. “Look, Daisy, if this is about the gas, I said I was sorry. I know I haven’t been the easiest person to get along with lately, but it’s been a rough week.”

“You’ve had lots of rough weeks, but you haven’t taken them out on me.”

“How many ways am I supposed to apologize?”

“This isn’t about apologizing. It’s about the reasons you keep pushing me away.”

“Just give it a rest, all right?”

“I can’t do that.” The clown act was coming to an end, and she knew this wasn’t the time to talk, but now that she’d gotten started, she couldn’t hold back. “We’ve been on an emotional marry-go-round, and it’s hurting both of us. We have a future together, and we need to talk about it.”

She touched his arm, expecting him to pull away, and when he didn’t, she found the confidence to go on. “These past few months have been the most wonderful time of my life. You’ve helped me find out who I am, and maybe I’ve helped you do the same thing.”

She gently pressed her palms to his chest and felt his heartbeat through the silky fabric. The paper flower tucked between her breasts rustled, and the lash of the whip he carried brushed the side of her hand. “Isn’t that what loving is all about? Being better together than we could be apart? We’re good for each other.” Without any planning, the words she’d held back for so long spilled out. “And we’re going to be good for the baby we’re having.”

For one small fragment of time everything was fine. And then it all changed. The tendons in his neck bunched, and his yes darkened with something that looked like fear. Then his features contorted into a mask of rage.

She snatched her hands from his chest. Her instincts warned her to run, but she was a lot tougher now, and she held her ground. “Alex, I didn’t plan this baby; I don’t even know how it happened. But I’m not going to lie to you and tell you I’m sorry.”

His pale lips barely moved. “I trusted you.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong.”

The muscles in his throat worked, and his hands clenched at his sides. For a moment she thought he was going to hit her. “How far along are you?”

“About two and a half months.”

“And how long have you known?”

“Maybe a month.”

“You’ve known about this for a month, and you just decided to tell me?”

“I was afraid.”

The raucous music of the clowns rose to a crescendo, signaling the end of their act. She and Alex were next. Digger, who was in charge of sending Misha into the arena at the climax, approached to take charge of the horse.

Alex grabbed her arm and pulled her away from the others.

“There’s not going to be any baby, do you understand what I’m saying?”

“No . . . no, I don’t understand.”

“Tomorrow morning, you and I are taking off for the day. And when we come back, there won’t be any baby.”

She stared at him in shock. Her stomach heaved, and she pressed her knuckles to her mouth. The crowd inside the big top fell silent as Jack Daily began his dramatic introduction of Alexi the Cossack.

“Aaaand now, Quest Brothers Circus is proud to present . . .”

“You want me to have an abortion?” she whispered.

“Don’t look at me like I’m some kind of monster! Don’t you dare look at me like that! I told you from the beginning how I felt about this. I spilled my guts trying to make you understand. But, as usual, you decided you knew best. Even though you don’t have a trustworthy bone in your goddamn body, you decided you knew best!”

“Don’t talk to me like that.”

“I trusted you!” His mouth twisted into a snarl as the first strains of the balalaika drifted into the night, the cue for his entrance. “I actually believed you were taking those pills, but all the time you were lying to me.”

She shook her head and fought against the bile rising in her throat. “I’m not getting rid of this baby.”

“The hell you’re not! You’ll do what I tell you.”

“You don’t want this. It’s ugly and wicked.”

“Not as wicked as what you’ve done.”

“Alex!” one of the clowns hissed. “You’re on!”

He snatched the coiled whip from around his shoulder. “I’ll never forgive you for this, Daisy. Do you hear me? Never.” Thrusting himself away from her, he disappeared into the big top.