Kiss Me (Fool's Gold #17)(70)

“Do you mind if I ride up with you for a while?” she asked.

“I’d like that.”

Pleasure made her beam. “How’d you sleep?”

He chuckled. “Like hell. You?”

She thought of her erotic dreams. “I might have tossed and turned a little.”

“Good.”

She glanced at him and saw him flash a smile. She grinned back. Contentment made her relax.

“So what was it like growing up around here?” she asked. “The ranch is pretty far from town. Did you have a long trip to school?”

“I took the bus. It was about forty-five minutes each way because of all the stops, unless the weather was bad. After some storms I couldn’t get to classes, or if it got bad during the day, I spent the night at a friend’s house.”

“Wow. Really?” The worst she’d ever faced was a twenty-minute walk or a canceled day because of an earthquake. “Did you have a lot of friends on the bus?”

“Sure. We’d tease the girls, or the littler kids.”

“You mean torture.”

His smile returned. “That, too.”

“I know Chase is your half brother. Why didn’t your parents have more children together?” She bit her lower lip. “Is that too personal? I mean, did your mom die when you were really young?”

“I was twelve,” he said. “The town got me through. All the women brought us food. My friends’ families had me over so I could get away from the sadness.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that, but I’m glad you had support.”

“Me, too.” He glanced at her, then away. “As to why my parents didn’t have other kids before Mom died, I guess it was because they would be in the way.”

“Of what? It’s a ranch. Isn’t there plenty of room?”

Zane stared straight ahead. “My parents loved each other more than they loved anything else. Or anyone. Having other people around was a distraction they didn’t want.”

Phoebe couldn’t imagine such a thing. “But you were their child.”

“I know. My mom was better than my dad. She took care of me and we were close. But when she was dying, my dad couldn’t handle it. He was desperate without her. After she was gone, he didn’t know how to survive.”

Phoebe could see how the ranch could get lonely for a man on his own. “But he had you.”

“You’d think.”

She didn’t know what to make of that. “Then he met and married Chase’s mother, right?”

Zane nodded. “She stuck around for a few years before she took off. Maya’s mother was next. There were a couple more after that. Eventually my old man stopped trying to replace my mom. He simply waited to die, so he could be with her again.”

“I guess he loved her a lot,” Phoebe said, then shuddered. “But it sounds like a scary kind of love. I like what Thad and C.J. have. They obviously adore each other, but there’s plenty of room for other people.”

“I agree with you. What my parents had was...I don’t know.” He shook his head. “I wouldn’t want that.”

“What would you want?” she asked before she could stop herself. “How would you like to love a woman?”

“I haven’t thought about it.”

She swallowed her fear and plunged ahead. “Have you been in love before?”

He glanced at her. “No. You?”

She sighed. “No. There were a couple of times I came close, but it didn’t work out. Sometimes I want it more than anything, and sometimes I find the concept terrifying. I don’t want to be that vulnerable.”

She braced herself for him to be critical, but all he said was, “Makes sense.”

They rode in silence for a while. Finally Zane spoke.

“What will you do if you lose your real estate license?”

“I’ve been trying to figure that out. I need to have a plan. So far, nothing’s been coming to me. I was talking to Manny about it and—” She broke off. “Just so you know, Manny doesn’t answer.”

“Good thing. If he did, I’d worry about you both.”

“I would hope so. Anyway, I don’t have a plan yet. I always thought I’d stay in LA, but having been out here has shown me that maybe I’d like something different. Fool’s Gold seems like a special place.” She smiled. “Think I could get a job rustling cattle?”

“Rustling? That’s stealing.”

“Oh. I mean taking care of them.”

“You’d better learn your terms before you apply.”

“I guess.” She tugged at her hat. “Chase will be going off to college next year, right? What will you do?”

“What I’ve always done.”

She knew what that meant. Work the land, breed cattle, raise the goats. By himself.

“Won’t you be lonely?”

He glanced at her. “Probably.”

The single word tugged at her heart more than any declaration of affection ever had. She wanted to crawl up on his horse and hold him close. She wanted to promise that she would be there for him, if he was interested. She wanted a lot of things.

“This is all I know,” he said.