Kaleidoscope (Colorado Mountain #6)(95)

I couldn’t tell her the thought of that terrified me. And it wasn’t that I couldn’t tell her because I couldn’t explain why, even though this was true. It was just not hers to have.

Instead, I said, “I’ll keep that in mind, Elsbeth.”

She nodded and took a drink.

I lifted my Diet Coke and did the same.

Then she grabbed her purse, put money on the table, pulled on her coat and stood.

I kept my seat but looked up at her.

“Be happy, honey,” she said quietly.

“You too, Elsbeth.”

She smiled a small smile.

Then she turned and walked away.

* * *

Two hours later…

“So, that’s what’s been happening,” I finished.

Harvey, sitting with me at his kitchen table, stared at me.

“Harvey?” I prompted when he said nothing and this lasted awhile.

“Give me a sec, Emme.”

I shut up.

Harvey looked at his lap. He did this a long time.

Then he looked back at me.

“Okay, so, you’re sick for a while, don’t know what it is. You get better, pull yourself together and start dating a man who you don’t know is a felon. You haven’t officially broken up with him, you’re gonna do this not because he’s a felon but because he creeps you out, and immediately take up with another man you’ve known for years. A man who has always shown interest in you. A man who has always shown he cares about you. A man who wastes no time and is very clear after you bumped into each other again that he wants more. Then he spends months treating you the same way, with care and interest, doing so by telling you he loves you and wants to build a life with you. And now you’ve broken up with him because, though I kinda lost it at this part, he and your dad got you new windows. But you haven’t really broken up with him because he refuses to accept that.”

“That about sums it up,” I told him then clarified, “Except the new windows part.”

He stared at me again.

“So what do you think?” I asked when he again said nothing.

“What do I think?” he asked back.

“Yes,” I answered.

“About what?” he asked.

“Anything,” I replied. “Everything.”

Harvey took in a deep breath.

Then he said, “What I think is, it’s way too soon, just a few months, for you to share vows of love and start talking about building a future with any man. My daughter told me she’d found a man and was doing that, I’d be all kinds of worried.”

“Okay,” I said slowly when he stopped talking but I knew there was more.

“I also think that no man like the man you described takes a kaleidoscope made of glass everywhere he goes and sleeps with it on his nightstand.”

I pulled in a sharp breath.

This time, Harvey kept talking.

“Further, I think that a girl like you should in no way be living her life in a crumbling mansion up on some mountain all by herself.”

“Harvey—”

“And last, Emme, and most important, I think it’s time you stopped existing and started living.”

I sat back and it was my turn to stare.

Harvey never laid it out. He was gentle in every way, including verbally.

“Now what do you think about what I think?” he asked.

“I think I’m in love with him,” I whispered.

“I believe that. You say his name, your eyes get funny. Sad. Like you’ve lost him somehow but, honey, all you gotta do to get him back is make a phone call.”

I closed my eyes.

“Emme,” he called.

I opened them.

“I thought I could make a phone call to get my wife back, my finger would be bleeding, dialing that number over and over again.”

This time, when the tears hit my eyes, it was Harvey who was swimming.

“You get me, honey?” he asked gently.

I could tell him. I could tell Harvey. I didn’t know why I couldn’t say it to anyone else.

I just knew I could say it to him.

“He terrifies me,” I whispered.

He leaned in and grasped my hand, holding it tight. “This man does not terrify you, my beautiful Emme, something else does. Now, please pay attention to what God granted you. He did not offer you a weak man who could not see whatever this is through. He offered you a strong man who can help you keep those fears at bay as you deal with whatever this is.”

“But he’s what I fear,” I semi-repeated.

“Why?” Harvey asked.

“I don’t know,” I answered, voice trembling.

“He’s told you he wants to lead you to answers. Let him,” Harvey replied.

“What if he’s—?”

I stopped speaking when Harvey jerked my hand and leaned close.

“Let him, Emme.”

I didn’t know where it came from but it came from somewhere because my lips were saying it. “There’s something wrong with me.”

“Stop going it alone, lean on a strong man who loves you and find out what that is. Then let him help you fix it.”

“I’m scared of it.”

Harvey held my eyes and mine were watery, but if I wasn’t mistaken, his were watery too.