Her Destiny (Reverie #2)(18)

“You’re tied up there every Friday night. Don’t you hate it?” Vanessa asks.

I snort laugh, an attractive sound I’m sure but I don’t really care. I’m among friends. They won’t judge. “It doesn’t really matter since I have no social life beyond you two.”

“You used to have one,” Valerie points out, her tone the faintest shade of snide. Her smile is smug too. She still likes to poke at me for what I did to them, not that I can blame her. “For a brief, shining moment.”

“A moment I’d rather forget,” I say wryly, hating yet again that she brings up my minor foray into the party scene. I can’t seem to escape it either. Tally approached me just the other day, asking if I wanted to hit up a new club with her on Saturday. She said she knew the bouncer and he could get us in for free, no worries on the lack of ID/underage thing.

I turned her down as nice as I could, not wanting any trouble, and Tally was cool with it. But Valerie watched the conversation go down and I think she gets a sick thrill out of beating me up about it.

“I think they’d take you back into their fold if you went to them,” she says, almost as if she’s daring me to try it.

“Well, I don’t want to so I guess you don’t have to worry about it.” I roll my eyes at Vanessa who offers me a sympathetic smile in return. I swear Val is still mad at me and I don’t know what I can do to change her mind. “Like I have time to party anyway. I’m too busy either at work or at school.”

“What’s Evan doing? Is he working as hard as you are?” Vanessa asks nonchalantly but I know there’s purpose behind her question. She’s had a crush on him for a while and likes to keep tabs on what he’s doing, though she’d never come out and admit it.

“Harder.” He feels so responsible for our wellbeing and I keep telling him I can help with as much as possible. He always blows me off though, telling me he’s got it under control. I came home last night and he wasn’t there, making me feel awfully alone. So alone, I’d been tempted to go after Nick last night and beg him to stay with me.

But I didn’t. I can’t. No matter how good he looked when I first saw him at the bus stop, how much I wanted to run into his arms and tell him to never, ever let me go, bringing him back into my life won’t work right now. It’s complicated enough. I don’t need to add him to the mix. I can’t give him what he wants. I’m not who he wants anymore.

I know it.

“What about your parents?” Valerie asks.

“What about them?” I drain the last of my Coke and toss the plastic bottle in the recycle bin as we walk by. I don’t want to talk about my parents, not even to my closest friends. It’s embarrassing, what’s happened. How they treat us like we don’t even exist. I mean really, who does that sort of thing?

Oh yeah, my mom and dad.

“Where are they? Have you heard from them? Are they sending you and Evan any money? Are they helping you at all?” Vanessa’s tossing out questions with rapid fire precision and I shake my head, irritated.

“A firm no would cover all of your questions,” I say grimly. I’m so uncomfortable it’s not even funny. Talking about my parents is difficult, let alone admitting all their faults. “I don’t really know where they are and neither does Evan.”

“Wait, are you serious?” Vanessa comes to a stop, her eyes wide, expression slightly horrified. They both look surprised but they shouldn’t be. This is my life now. Nonexistent parents leaving their kids on their own to figure life out, that’s what we’ve become. While I like the independence to a point, I sometimes miss my mom and dad. More than anything, I miss the security my family represented. When we were all together, we were taken care of. That’s what family does, they take care of each other. The least they could do is reach out to us.

But we don’t even get that.

“Serious.” I nod once and I start walking quicker, my steps determined. I want out of here. I need out of here. There’s so much going on and it’s hard for me to handle it all. And it doesn’t help that Nick mysteriously shows up last night, looking so cute and sweet and so incredibly happy to see me.

What do I go and do? I ditch him. Tell him to leave me alone. Hop on the bus and try my best to get rid of him. How awful am I?

Pretty freaking awful.

That he didn’t give up, that he kept coming after me, should’ve given me some sort of hope. But it didn’t. I felt guilty, pushing him away. Why can’t he make this easy and leave me completely alone? It would’ve been so much simpler, to stick with Evan and get through school. Once I graduate, life will become a little easier. One less thing to do.

One long life left to live, with not much hope on the horizon.

Get over your pitiful yourself.

“I’m so sorry Rev,” Valerie says, her voice full of pity. She’s not shown me much sympathy since we’ve resumed our friendship so I’m surprised. The last thing I want from my friends is pity. I don’t want it from anyone.

“I don’t want to talk about this.” I sling my backpack over my shoulders and head toward the front entrance. I need to get on the bus soon. Get away from my friends’ questions too. “I have to go to work.”

“Want to get together tomorrow for lunch?” Vanessa asks.