Giving In (Surrender Trilogy #2)(41)

God, maybe she did need to see a shrink. She’d never even entertained the thought. She’d never had a solid reason to want to try and deal with her issues. But Jensen gave her that reason. He gave her hope. He gave her many things she’d never thought she’d have or even want to have.

“What did you mean when you said, uhm, that if we made love that I would be in control?” she asked hesitantly.

He stroked her face again, pushing her hair back as he stared into her eyes. “It means that if we decide to take that step that I will willingly put myself in a vulnerable position so you feel absolutely safe. Whatever that takes. But baby, it doesn’t have to be now. It doesn’t have to be soon. It will be whenever you’re ready for it to happen. I don’t want you to ever be pressured to offer me something you’re not ready to give. We have all the time in the world.”

“You’d wait that long?”

She tried to keep the doubt from her voice, but knew she failed miserably. Still, he didn’t look offended or angry at her skepticism. If anything his look grew even more tender.

“For the right woman, I’d wait forever.”

It came out as a solemn vow. There was absolutely no doubt in his voice and his conviction was unwavering.

She shook her head in wonder. “I don’t get it. I really don’t. I was so bitchy toward you. How could you possibly even like me?”

He smiled and placed his hand over her heart. “Because I could see through the prickly, protective barriers to the woman in here, and I liked what I saw. You didn’t fool me for a minute, baby. Maybe others are more easily fooled or perhaps they can’t be bothered to look beyond the exterior. That’s not who I am, though.”

“I like you,” she admitted. “A lot, actually. And I know you don’t think I trust you, but I do. I can’t even explain it to myself. But I feel safe with you. I tell you things I don’t tell other people.”

His smile broadened. “I’m very glad you feel safe with me, baby, because you are. Always. Absolutely. I will do anything and everything in my power to always keep you safe. Not just physically but emotionally as well. And I’m humbled by the fact that you’ve given me your trust. It’s a gift I don’t take lightly. I’ll do my best to ensure you never regret giving me that very precious gift.”

She sighed and leaned back, her gaze still on him. She was absorbed in him. How quickly he’d become her security blanket. How easily she found herself sharing things with him she’d never share with anyone else.

“I missed you while you were gone,” she admitted. “I was counting the hours and minutes until you got back. I wouldn’t let myself sleep after that first night. I was too afraid because I knew I’d have nightmares and you weren’t there. I didn’t feel safe.”

He picked up the tray and placed it on the floor on his side of the bed. Then he turned back to her and pulled her down into his arms until she was nestled against his side, her head resting on his shoulder.

“I should have never left you,” he said in a low voice. “I’m sorry I let you down, baby. It won’t happen again because from now on you come first. And I missed you too. I wrapped up things early so I could hurry home to you. I’ve never had anyone to come home to. It was a nice feeling. And then when I saw you, my heart nearly stopped. You scared me.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I know I can be difficult. I don’t want to be. I want to be better, Jensen. I can be with you. I feel it. For the first time, I feel like it will be okay. That I don’t have to continue living like I have for so long. It’s kind of scary and yet exciting all at the same time. I don’t react to change very well as you’ve probably noticed.”

“We’re two peas in a pod, you and I,” Jensen said. “We’re more alike than you think. I understand you better than you think and in time you’ll understand me as well.”

“I want to,” she said honestly.

She turned her head up so she could see him.

“You said once that you had demons too. Will you tell me about them sometime?”

He picked up her hand and brought her fingertips to his lips. “One day, yes. But not right now. I don’t want anything to ruin right here and right now. You in my arms. Us just being. That’s a conversation for another day and time.”

She let it go because if he shared then she’d have to share as well and she was no more eager to ruin the moment than he was. She nestled back into his arms and let out a sleepy yawn.

He stroked a hand over her hair, further lulling her to sleep.

“Get some rest, baby,” he said. “You have a lot of sleep to catch up on. I’ll wake you for a late lunch and then you can stay up until bedtime tonight. We’ll stay in for dinner. Watch a movie. Whatever you want. But for now rest and know you’re safe.”

“I could fall in love with you so easily, Jensen,” she said in barely above a whisper. “That scares me. I’ve never allowed anyone to be in a position to hurt me. I’m not sure I like it at all.”

He kissed the top of her head. “That’s what establishing trust is all about. When you learn to trust in me fully, then the idea of loving me won’t scare you so badly because then you’ll know that I’d never do anything to hurt you.”