Gabriel's Inferno (Gabriel's Inferno #1)(130)

Julia’s body relaxed, and she hung her head, physically and emotionally exhausted.

He’d been watching her closely, the alternating flush and paleness of her skin, the way she’d fidgeted and pulled at her dress. It hurt him more than he thought possible to see her so upset. And the sight of her tears…

The brown-eyed angel was weeping over the demon.  The angel wept because she was grieved at the mere thought of someone hurting him.

Without a word, he pulled her onto his lap. He pressed her head gently against his chest, wrapping his arms around her. “No more weeping. I’ve seen enough tears from you to last a lifetime,” he whispered, pressing his lips to her ear. “And I’m not worth a single one.”

He sighed with regret. “I’ve done a very selfish thing in pursuing you, Julianne. You should be with someone your own age who is your equal in goodness. Not with some twisted Caliban like me.”

“There are moments when you are my equal in innocence.”

“When? Tell me.”

“When you hold me in your arms. When you stroke my hair,” she whispered. “When we’re in bed.”

His face took on a pained expression. “If you don’t want me, all you have to do is say so, and I’ll disappear from your life forever. I don’t want you to be afraid of what might happen if you reject me. I promise I’ll let you go, if that’s what you want.”

Julia was quiet, for she did not know what to say.

“I know that I am controlling and, as you put it, commanding.” Gabriel’s voice was low and strained. “But I would never do to you what she does. I won’t harm you, Julianne. I could never harm you.” He lightly trailed his fingertips up and down the exposed flesh of her arm, feeling the skin goose-pimple underneath his words as much as beneath his touch.

“I was more worried about what Ann did to you.”

“No one has worried about me for some time.”

“Your family does. And I did too, you know, even before I came to Toronto. I thought of you every day.”

He pressed a gentle kiss to her lips, and Julia reciprocated softly.

“My past indiscretions notwithstanding, my tastes run to inflicting mad, passionate pleasure on my lovers and not pain, I assure you. Someday I’d like to show you that side of me. Slowly, of course.”

Julia chewed at the inside of her mouth, trying to find the right words.

“I need to tell you something.”

“Yes?”

“I am — not as innocent as you think I am.”

“What’s that supposed to be mean?” he snapped.

She raked her upper lip with her teeth nervously.

“Sorry. You took me by surprise.” Gabriel rubbed at his eyes.

“I had a boyfriend.”

He frowned. “I know that.”

“We, um, did things.”

His eyebrows shot up. “What kinds of things?” His question emerged before he could consider it, but he soon thought better of it. “Don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.”

“I am not as innocent as I was when you first met me, which means that you have, um…an idealized and false perception of me.”

He considered her admission for a moment. He wanted to know the specifics, but he was worried about what she might say. The thought of someone else, of him, coaxing pleasure out of her, or even touching her, infuriated him. He was far from certain that he could handle whatever confession she was burning to make.

“You were my first kiss. The first to hold my hand,” she admitted.

“I’m glad.” He took her hand in his and pressed his lips against it. “I wish I had been all your firsts.”

“He didn’t take them all.” Julia closed her mouth quickly. She hadn’t meant to say that.

Her use of the word take  made Gabriel think murderous thoughts.

If he ever found himself in the same room as him he would rip his throat out with his bare hands.

“When you didn’t come back, I started dating someone. In Philadelphia.

And things, uh, happened.”

“Did you want those things to happen?”

Julia squirmed. “He was my boyfriend. He was — impatient sometimes.”

“That’s what I thought. He was a manipulative bastard who seduced you.”

“I have a free will. I didn’t have to give in.”

Gabriel was thoughtful for a moment. Jealousy — the idea of her hands and her lips wrapped around someone else — or someone else’s mouth on her. Her body…“I have no right to ask this, but I will. Did you love him?”

“No.”

He tried to hide his secret relief at her answer by lifting her chin.

“Don’t ever touch me or let me touch you unless you truly want me. That’s a promise I’d like to exact from you right now.”

She blinked at him in surprise.

“I know what I can be like. So far I’ve kept my passions in check.

But I’ve been forward with you, I know, and on more than one occasion I’ve made you uncomfortable. It would trouble me to discover that things progressed between us solely because you felt coerced.”

“I promise, Gabriel.”

He nodded at her and pressed his lips to her forehead. “Julianne, why won’t you let me call you Beatrice?”