Gabriel's Inferno (Gabriel's Inferno #1)(125)

Gabriel spoke through his teeth. “Julianne, your comfort and well-being is my only concern at this moment. I won’t answer any questions until I am satisfied that you are all right. Although if you throw up, I promise to hold your hair.” He smirked slightly.

“I’m not going to throw up,” she murmured. “Unfortunately, she’s not the first woman to come on to me. I’m more upset about the fact that you’re hiding something.”

Gabriel’s eyebrows furrowed at her admission, but he quickly pushed his concern aside. “Julianne, trust me when I tell you that you do not want to know more about her. Your mind should remain unpolluted.”

“But it’s okay for her to molest you under the table? That’s how she noticed me, Gabriel. She caught me staring.”

A muscle jumped in his jaw, and Julia saw sparks in his eyes.

“She’s goading me. And for obvious reasons, I can’t react and cause a scene. I was hoping she’d ignore you and focus all of her twisted attention on me. Clearly, I was wrong.”

“Why did I have to find out from Paul that you were involved with her?”

“Paul said that?”

She nodded.

Gabriel swore an oath and began rubbing his eyes forcefully, as if he were blotting out a repulsive image. “I didn’t expect her to attend my lecture. We don’t share the same values or research interests. Today is the first time I’ve seen her in months. She’s part of my past — a past I will not repeat. Not if I live forever.”

“Paul said she likes pain. Were you — violent together?”

He clenched his fists at his sides, the tendons in his arms humming in contraction.

“Yes. I’d like to tell you that she was the wicked temptress and I was lured into an entanglement with her, but that isn’t what happened. Nevertheless, I am not going to explain the dark contours of her world to you. Not even a single thought of yours belongs there. But I’ll tell you that during one of my — encounters with her, she did something that caused me to lose my temper. And I gave her a taste of her own medicine. That act alone terminated our interactions, and I was immediately flung out of her house.”

“She hit you?”

“More than once,” rasped Gabriel grimly. “That was the point.”

“Gabriel.”  His name came out as something akin to a sob, and his heart was instantly pierced. “How could you? How could you let her touch you, let alone hurt you?”

He encircled her with his arms and squeezed her tightly. “Julianne, you do not want to hear this. Please forget what Paul said. Forget all about her.”

“I can’t. I can’t forget what you said in your lecture this afternoon. Your description of the act of making love was really beautiful, but that’s not what you want. Or maybe you think it’s impossible for lovers to be like that.”

Gabriel’s eyes bored into hers. “Of course it’s what I want. Of course I think it’s possible. I’ve just never experienced it.” He cleared his throat.

“You aren’t the only virgin in this relationship.”

She looked at him in surprise. “Then why would you want someone to hurt you? Haven’t you been hurt enough?”

His face wore a pained expression.

“Gabriel, your life is like a series of locked, secret rooms. I have no idea what lurks behind those doors. And you won’t tell me. I have to find out about your ex-girlfriend from your research assistant!”

“She was never my girlfriend. And I asked you about Simon, and you wouldn’t tell me anything. So far we are even.”

Julia winced.

“I told you about my mother.”

Gabriel sighed. “Yes, you did. And hearing what happened to you in St. Louis hurt me far more than I can say. More than Ann and her parlor tricks.” He shook his head. “You’re right. I should have told you about her.”

He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, and Julia heard his fists slide into the pockets of his trousers. “I thought that when I told you, you’d be so repulsed that you’d run. You’d realize I truly am a devil.”

“You’re no devil. You’re a fallen angel who still has goodness left in him. A fallen angel who aspires to make love with a woman and treat her with tenderness,” whispered Julia. She closed her eyes. “Hearing about Professor Singer from you would have been far better than finding out like this. Or having it flaunted in front of me when you wouldn’t even look in my direction.”

“I wear tremendous shame, Julianne, which is something you know precious little about.”

“You aren’t the only sinner in this closet, Gabriel.” She opened her eyes and inhaled slowly. “Which is why I can’t hold your past sins against you. Do you still want her?”

“Of course not!” His demeanor immediately shifted to outrage. “We did not have a relationship, Julianne — we had a couple of encounters. It was over a year ago, and I haven’t been involved with her since.” He sighed deeply. “If you insist, I’ll tell you more, but I can’t do it now. Can you give me until after dinner to explain? Please?”

She chewed her lip pensively.

Gabriel gently pressed his mouth to hers, tugging her lip free with his own and slowly releasing her. “Please don’t hurt yourself. It upsets me.”