Forget About Midnight (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #9)(100)

I thought about what I’d just done with Falon. Again. Did that count as part of my addiction to blood, power, darkness, and misery? Maybe Jez was getting the better deal here.

The bedroom door opened, and her friend came out, shaky and off center. Jez followed her, now dressed in yoga pants and a tank top, a cigarette hanging from her lips.

“You stay here and make some coffee,” I said. “I’m taking your friend down to the taxi.”

“Aye, aye, Captain No-Fun-At-All.” She saluted me, cracking herself up.

When I returned from ensuring her friend got safely into a taxi, Jez had coffee brewing. She stood in the kitchen, leaning heavily on the counter, watching the coffee pot fill. Her amusement had vanished. In its place was self-loathing, something I easily identified.

“Are you going to be ok?” I asked, no longer irritated, just concerned.

She puffed on a cigarette, leaning over to flick the ashes in the sink. “Yeah. I’m not going to die on you or anything.”

We stood there staring at each other. It wasn’t awkward or tense, just two junkies sharing, not a drug of choice, but a weakness. A thought occurred to me. “Where are you getting all of this drug money anyway? Please tell me you’re not doing any weird favors for Arrow.”

Smoke spewed from between her red lips. “I don’t do the kind of favors Arrow’s interested in. Actually, I got my P.I. license. I’ve been doing some private eye stuff. Since Veryl died and the money died with him, I had to do something. It involves an element of the hunt, and I like that.”

Jez as a private eye. I could totally see that. “You scared me, Jez. I can’t lose you.”

Her disheveled golden ponytail bounced as she nodded. “I know. I f*cked up.”

“You and me both.” I sighed, wishing I could feel bad about Falon, wishing I could feel anything.

“I don’t want to do this anymore,” she said suddenly. Her voice caught as she choked on a sob. “But I don’t know how to stop.”

She rubbed a hand over her face and squished out her cigarette in the sink before reaching into the cupboard for a mug. When she produced two out of habit, she gave me a tight smile and put one back. She poured a mug of coffee, and I envied her.

“We’ll get through this. We just have to do it together.” I laid a hand on her arm. Her beast took note of mine, and she turned toward me, seeking comfort. Pulling her close, I hugged her, keeping an eye on the hot coffee she held. I didn’t want to end up wearing it.

The many scents she wore carried a massive amount of information. With just a sniff of Jez, I could tell what she’d been doing, eating, drinking, and snorting.

“I can’t be alone, Lex. I do bad things, and I don’t even want to stop once I get started.” She twisted a lock of my hair around a finger, absently observing, “You have such pretty hair. Don’t cut it off, ok?”

Her thoughts were scattered. I knew the feeling. Being alone wasn’t a fear I had. Being alone made it easier to keep from hurting other people. However, I was aware of how dangerous my comfort with solitude could be. I was already isolated from so many people I loved.

“Maybe we should move in together for a while,” I suggested. “We can be roomies. Keep each other out of trouble.”

Jez pulled back to search my face. “Really? Wouldn’t that drive you crazy? I know you like your space.”

“Says the solitary cat.” I gave her a playful nudge. “No, really. I think it may be good for us. We both need a safe place outside of this toxic city. Too much time here is driving us both nuts.”

The city was a cesspool of trouble. It catered to the dark side in everyone: drugs, sex, blood, and power in abundance. At least in my small town down the highway, we had a reprieve from most of that, not to mention the forest outside my backyard. The wolf within me was wistful at the thought.

“It’s going to be so hard.” Her voice was so small.

“It will be,” I agreed. “But we have to start somewhere.”

Jez clutched her coffee mug so hard her knuckles were white. I half expected it to shatter. Her eyes were haunted. “Sometimes I think I feel it. The dark thing inside me. Since you told me, I think I feel it, and then I think I must be going crazy. It scares me.”

It scared me too. Jez was one of my favorite people and one of the few who’d been able to be what she was without risk of the dark consuming her. Little did we know it was just lying in wait. But what was it waiting for?

“We’ll figure it out.” I tried to be nonchalant, playing off how dire I believed the situation was. The dark wasn’t just within us. It was actively pursuing us, and I feared there was no way to outrun it. “One thing at a time.”

A few hours before dawn, I found myself standing on Arys’s front step. I could feel him inside, and I knew he felt me too. Still, he waited for me to knock.

The sound was painfully loud in the quiet of the early morning hours. It had been tempting to go home with Jez, but I knew I had to see Arys. He was suffering too. The least I could do was face him after everything I’d done. So I sent Jez to my place with the promise that I’d be there before dawn.

A cold breeze stirred inside me. The door opened, and I braced for the worst. Arys looked like hell. Hair standing up in disarray and clothing bedraggled, he regarded me with the same madness I’d seen in the mirror.