Forever My Love (Berkeley-Faulkner #2)(34)

“We must talk.”

“Yes,” Mira replied in a low tone, opening her bedchamber door. Sackville walked inside slowly, his face utterly serious. The dandyish accent he usually affected was gone.

“About tonight. I want to ask you—”

“Nothing happened.” Mira closed the door and leaned her back against it as she stared at him miserably. “I’m so sorry, so terribly sorry. I don’t know what happened. I’ll never—”

“I knew,” Sackville said, his face stiff, “—that there would come a time when you would want to end this. You’re a healthy young woman with… a strongappetite for life. In fact, I have been surprised that you have stayed so long.”

“I don’t want to end anything. Have I imposed on you for too long?” Mira’s vision became misty as she felt tears stinging her eyes. She blinked them back with an effort. “You should have told me to go.”

“I wanted to keep you as long as you were willing to maintain appearances,” Sackville replied, folding his hands behind his back and sighing. “You have done me much good, and you have helped me to retain a semblance of the life that I had… before. You have enabled me to maintain my pride, and I will always be grateful for that.”

“I have been most content for the past two years—”

“But if you stayed, you would no longer continue to be so.” Flinching in the face of his flat statement, Mira knew it to be true. “I have thought of you and me,” Sackville continued with a weary smile, “—as two friends who have supported each other when they have most needed it.”

“You saved my life,” Mira whispered. “I can never repay that.”

“You have, my dear, you have. But you cannot help me any longer by staying, and I am not helping you any longer by letting you hide here from the rest of the world. You are… How old are you?”

“Twenty.”

“Twenty years old,” Sackville repeated, his face both sad and ironic. “Twenty years ago I was already almost forty years old.”

Mira shook her head, not understanding what her age had to do with anything.

“Believe me, my lord, when I tell you that I have had my share of living.”

Sackville laughed shortly. “That I do not doubt, my dear. You’ve never told me how a little French girl comes to end up half-drowned in the back of a wagon in the south of England, but I imagine it takes a heftyshare of living to accomplish that. You never told me why or how, but I could see that the spirit was tired as well as the body—and I’ve let you recuperate here. I’ve tried to help you, give you polish, educate you—”

“You have. I’m a different person now. You’ve helped me so much—”

“Yes. You were a girl. Now you are a woman, and I think you would like to cling to the illusion of security you find here instead of living your life as fate ordained it. Do you understand?”

“All I understand is that you want me to leave.”

“For your sake as well as mine,” Sackville said. “That is my point.”

“When?” she asked, swallowing at the tightness in her throat.

“It might be best if you left after the hunt is finished. One more week. I will give you some money and provisions, and a good reference for respectable employment in London. But I must make one more request.”

“Of course,” she said, her face drawn with misery.

“Please finish out the charade while my guests are here. Please help me to make them believe what I wish them to believe. My reputation as a man depends on it. I, too, wish to cling to illusions, and this is the only way I can sustain my pride. For my sake, and in appreciation of what I have done for you, grant me this last week.”

Mira’s hands trembled, and she twined her fingers together. “About Lord Falkner—” she began huskily.

“You must make him believe the illusion as well. I value his friendship, and if he knew about me his respect for me would diminish. He cannot tolerate weakness, having little himself.”

Confused, she shook her head slightly. “I would not hold him to be so shallow.”

“You don’t know a great deal about men like Falkner.”Sackville’s tone was pensive. As she met his blue eyes, Mira suddenly understood why he wanted especially to impress their “relationship” upon Alec Falkner. It was not only because Sackville was afraid that Falkner would no longer respect him. It was also because Sackville liked the idea of having something that Falkner wanted. Side by side with his respect for Alec went an unsuspected trace of competitiveness. This was a new side to Sackville, one she had not previously seen or guessed at.

“I will do as you ask,” Mira said dully, unwilling to argue the point. After having seen the contempt in his eyes, she knew that Alec would not want her any longer. She had nothing to lose by continuing Sackville’s charade for one more week.

“Thank you.” Sackville paused to note her expression before he left. “Do not pity me, my dear. In every situation there are always compensations. You will discover how to find them someday.”

If Mira could have had her wish, she would have been able to avoid any sight or mention of Alec Falkner for the next week. She would have stayed in her room and not have come out until he and the rest of the guests were gone from the manor. But Sackville saw this final week as some kind of grand finale performance, getting his worth out of her by creating a picture of closeness between them in front of his friends and especially in front of Falkner. Sackville took walks with her in the garden, strolled with her through the portrait gallery, and took tea with her alone in one of the sitting rooms where everyone would notice them. Near the end of the week he asked her to join him in the library for a drink. At his bidding, she sat on the well-upholstered arm of his chair and stared with him into the roaring fireplace, unaware that Sackville had planned to receive a visitor he had not informed her about.Alec walked through the door, his leisurely stride grinding to a halt as he took in the picture before him. The ripe orange-gold light of the fire played over Mira’s small, beautiful features. Her finely sculptured hip pressed against Sackville’s shoulder as she sat on the arm of a bulky chair, her blue velvet dress edged with soft white swansdown that accentuated the porcelain softness of her skin. Her eyes shone with a mysterious glow, slanted like those of a cat as she stared at him. Alec hated himself for the jolt of desire he felt immediately upon seeing her, and his teeth clenched together.