Fools Rush in(89)

Danny’s smile affirmed that I had—finally—constructed a sensible sentence. Danny, you’re such a good person, I thought.

Just like your dad.

DESPITE HOW IT FELT, Career Day did finally end. I fled as quickly as possible, grateful that I had to be at work to cover the late shift. I squashed my thoughts of Sam and concentrated on the several patients who came in, taking as long with them as possible, trying to avoid any downtime. When I finally got home around ten, I grabbed Digger’s leash and walked with him to Nauset Light Beach. There, listening to the roar and shush of the waves, I gave in.

I was in love with Sam. I didn’t know when it had happened, but it had. Looking back over the past few months, I had to close my eyes. The evidence was all there, but I’d never put the pieces together and made the diagnosis. Until today. I loved Sam Nickerson. It was so starkly true that I couldn’t believe a whisper of it had never entered my conscious brain.

Everything I had wanted Joe to be, Sam was. And always had been.

A slight breeze brought the scent of a fire somewhere, the salty, rich smell of the ocean. Digger nudged my hand with his eager nose, and I bent down and rubbed his head before letting him off the leash. I watched as he raced joyously down the beach, his white splotches glowing in the darkness. Then I sat on the damp sand, staring out at the rollers, counting the seconds that it took the beam from Nauset Light to sweep across the ocean.

If I thought I’d been miserable about Joe, I had been kidding myself. That had been choppy water. This was a tidal wave. I was in love with the one man, aside from my dear old dad, who was absolutely off-limits. But hey! If I loved Sam, maybe I should take another look at Dad! After all, I clearly had my head up my ass.

Digger returned, panting and smelling of the sea. He flopped down beside me, his fur sandy and wet. I stroked his ears and watched the sky go from black to navy. In a few hours, it would be morning. When my legs went numb from sitting so long, Digger and I got up and returned home. There was a message on the machine. From Sam, of course.

“Hey, kiddo, just checking in, wanted to see if you were okay. You were pretty funny at the school today. Come for dinner some night this week, okay? Bye.”

Yup. Loved him.

Shit.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

THE FIRST THING I DID WAS nothing. Aside from going to work and taking care of Digger, I didn’t do a damn thing. A whole week passed, and all I could do was reach out and touch the new sore spot in my heart. But then, as I got over the shock of my revelation, I turned to my closest friends.

Katie and I drove up to the Pink Peacock one evening for dinner. Curtis and Mitch had converted the third floor into a spacious, elegant apartment with sweeping views of the long stone breakwater and small lighthouse that stood on Provincetown’s final spit of land. Over grilled striper, I gently broke the news, saying the words gingerly.

“It seems that I’m—um—I’m in love with Sam.” I waited for their alarm, their sympathy, their words of wisdom.

Curtis and Mitch glanced at each other. Katie was silent for a moment, then nodded. “I know,” she said.

“You know?”

She gave a little smile. “Yeah, Mil. I’m sorry to say, it was kind of…obvious.”

“It was?” Mouth hanging open, I turned to Curtis and Mitch. “Did you know, too?” I asked, blinking rapidly.

“Well, no, not exactly,” Curtis answered. “But it does make sense. Sam really is true blue, isn’t he? Definitely more your type than Joe was.”

“Curtis, he’s my brother-in-law!” I yelped.

“Well, technically, not anymore,” Mitchell murmured.

“So what am I supposed to do?” I asked.

“Tell him?” Katie suggested, taking a bite of her meal.

“Right, Katie. He thinks of me as the sister he never had. I’m not going to tell him.” I flopped back in my seat. No more advice was offered.

THE CLINIC WAS WINDING DOWN, and things were already pretty slow. After we closed, Dr. Whitaker was giving me two weeks off before I’d start with him. We’d worked out the details of our arrangement…. He’d cover half my malpractice insurance for the first year, and any new patients would be mine. Although I’d initially be making less than I had at the clinic, it was a good, solid offer, exactly what I’d always wanted. Professionally, I was all set. Personally, I was struggling.

Though it was easy now to see that I had never really loved Joe Carpenter, I nonetheless missed that old image of him. My obsession had unknowingly motivated me to do a lot of things that I might not have done otherwise—embarrassing, slightly humiliating, but true. For so many years, I’d dreamed of a life with Joe.

As for dreaming of Sam, forget it. My friendship with Sam was one of the best things in my life, and I wasn’t about to ruin it with a declaration that he’d never be able to forget.

The thing was, of course, that aside from apparently being the love of my life, Sam was also part of my family. I couldn’t avoid him. And aside from the awkwardness I knew I’d feel, I missed him. So when my mom called and asked me to come over for dinner with Sam and Danny, I said yes.

My heart was thumping as I pulled into my parents’ driveway. Sam’s truck was already there. I wiped my palms on my jeans and went in.

“Hello, darling,” my mom called, hunching down to check the roast.