Finding Perfect (Fool's Gold #3)(89)

“But?”

“It wasn’t enough.” Raoul drained his glass and pushed it toward the front of the bar. Jo turned her back on him. Typical, he thought grimly. “I wanted to take care of her.”

“Did it ever occur to you that Pia can get all that without you? Right now my wife and several of her friends are reminding her that she’s not alone. Except for the sex, which I doubt was very good, she’s covered.”

Raoul continued to stare at the TV screen. “You know I could take you.”

“In your dreams.”

He thought about taking Josh on, of showing the other man how unprepared he was. But there wasn’t any point. Beating up Josh wouldn’t make the hole inside of him go away.

The bottom line was he missed Pia. She wanted the impossible and he couldn’t give it to her, but he still wanted her in his life. They could have been good together.

“The problem you have,” Josh said conversationally, “is that she was never alone. It took her a while to remember that, but once she did, you became a lot less interesting.”

Raoul turned and glared at him. “Do you think that’s why she left? She loves me, you hothead.”

Josh’s expression turned satisfied. “I’d wondered if you’d caught that. You’re right. She loves you. Like most women, she’s not willing to settle. She wants it all. That’s what women specialize in—demanding every scrap of humanity we have. Our hearts, our souls and our balls. You can fight it, my friend, but I’ve learned it’s a whole lot smarter to hand it all over quietly. They’re going to win in the end and if you resist, you only end up having to beg more.” He took another drink. “Unless you don’t love her.”

I don’t.

Raoul started to say the words but couldn’t. He knew that was the real problem. If he could convince himself that he’d only been doing a good thing, something noble and important, the rejection was easier. That’s how this whole problem had started. It should have been easy to forget her.

But it wasn’t and that bothered him. Because it meant there was a possibility that Pia was more than a project, more than a way to get what he wanted without having to risk anything.

Without saying goodbye, he tossed a twenty on the bar and left. Once outside, he sucked in the cold night air, then started walking. But instead of heading to his rental, he crossed the street and went by Pia’s apartment building.

Most of the units were dark, except for one on the top floor. A window was partially open and he heard the sound of voices and laughter drifting down to him.

She wasn’t alone. While the information wasn’t news, the proof of it made him feel better. He didn’t want her to be by herself. He didn’t want her to suffer. He’d really been trying to take care of her. Maybe he’d gone about it in an unconventional way, but he wasn’t the bad guy in this.

And neither was she.

He stood there for a long time before turning around and heading to his own place. The echo of the laughter stayed with him, making him feel more alone than he ever had before. He missed her. Even if he couldn’t be with her, surely he could talk to her. Explain.

Explain what? That his way was better? The truth was Pia deserved more, and that’s what ate him up inside. She’d been right to walk away from him, to demand more. He respected her, admired her, wanted her…

But for the rest of it—she needed more than he had left to give.

THE SCHOOL CARNIVAL WAS LOUD, a crowded funfest with plenty of kids and parents in attendance. Raoul had gone to support all the kids he’d made friends with and found himself dodging dads who wanted autographs or to talk sports.

“Ah, the price of fame,” Dakota said, coming up behind him as he explained that no, he hadn’t had his head up his ass during that third-quarter play at his last Super Bowl.

He glanced at her gratefully. “Excuse me,” he told the group of men and grabbed her arm. “I need to talk to Dakota about some business.”

“Using me as a getaway?” she asked.

“Whatever works.” He led her out of the crowd, toward the main building. “The mothers are either snubbing me or telling me I’m a jerk, and the fathers all want to talk about specific plays during games I barely remember. There’s no elaborate planning in the middle of a football game. You have to react to what’s happening. If you aren’t prepared to trust your gut and go with what you feel is right, you’ll never win.”

He paused as she stared at him with rapt attention.

“Oh, please,” she breathed. “Tell me more. Don’t leave out any details.”

“Funny,” he muttered, then drew his eyebrows together. “Hey, you’re speaking to me. Aren’t you supposed to ignore me?”

“I work for you.”

“I thought you’d be pissed about Pia.” Everyone else was.

As she’d promised, Pia had spread the word that she’d been the one to break up with him. The problem was not enough people believed her. Or they assumed he’d done something so awful she’d been forced to end things with him.

“You didn’t change the rules,” Dakota said easily. “She did.”

He stared at her, waiting for the “but.”

“Not that you weren’t an idiot,” she continued. “If you’re not willing to risk your heart for someone like her, you’re completely cowardly and stupid. If you can’t see you’re already in love with her, then you’re just dumb.”