Finding Perfect (Fool's Gold #3)(76)

Pia appreciated the attempts to make her feel better, but right now she felt mired in guilt and depression. It was possible that in time she would feel better, but she couldn’t imagine that ever happening.

There was a knock on her front door.

“Come in,” she called, hoping she sounded at least slightly enthusiastic.

Denise Hendrix pushed open the door and walked into Pia’s living room.

“Hi,” she said, smiling gently. “How are you feeling?”

Pia shrugged. “Okay, I guess. Sad.”

“Sure you are. You’re going to be for a while.” Denise held up the grocery bag she had. “Ice cream. Nearly every Ben & Jerry’s flavor. Think of it as your dairy. I’ll go put it in the freezer.”

She returned in a few minutes. Instead of sitting in the chair opposite the sofa where Pia lay, Denise sat on the coffee table and leaned close.

“You look miserable,” she said flatly. “Like you lost your best friend.”

“Or killed her baby,” Pia murmured, then shook her head. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to say it out loud.”

“You didn’t kill Crystal’s baby.”

“It feels like it. They weren’t real to me, Denise. I was going through the motions.”

“So? Why isn’t that enough? You’re growing children inside of you, not providing a spiritual education. Right now your only job is to take care of yourself and them to the best of your ability.” She sighed. “I raised six kids. Do you think I was fully present every second of every day? Do you think I liked it when the boys were fighting and the girls had colic? That I didn’t wish myself away to some tropical island with nothing more than a quiet room to sleep in and a good book to read?”

Pia blinked at her. “But you’re a great mom.”

“Thank you. I loved my kids and tried my best, but I wasn’t perfect. No one is. And if the babies you had implanted aren’t real to you, so what? You’ll get there. It’s not as if you’ve violated the universal pregnancy time line. This is a huge change in your life, Pia. You’ve given up so many things to honor your friend’s request. I liked Crystal a lot, but I have to tell you, there’s a part of me that thinks she had no right to do this to you.”

Pia felt her eyes widen. “What are you talking about?”

“You don’t just leave someone embryos without talking to them first. It’s wrong. She should have talked to you, made sure this was what you wanted, too. She was asking a hell of a lot, and she didn’t give you the chance to say no.”

Pia hadn’t thought about it that way. “I could have walked away.”

“Walking away was a possibility, yes, but not for you. That’s not who you are. We all see it in how you are with this town. You get the details right, you do the work. And anyone who knows you personally, knows that you’ve been hurt by the people who were supposed to protect you. And that you would never do that to anyone else. You don’t need to worry about connecting with the babies you’re carrying. It will happen. The reason you’re sad is you’ve lost one of your children, as well. If this was just about Crystal, you’d only feel guilty.”

Pia turned the other woman’s words over in her mind. “You’re right,” she said slowly. “If I didn’t care, I guess I’d secretly be relieved. Two babies is going to be a lot easier than three. But I can’t get away from the sense of loss. And letting Crystal down.”

“This isn’t about your emotions. An embryo could have been lost at any point in the process. It’s a miracle all three of them got this far. Do you know how unlikely it was for you to get pregnant at all? You’ve done great.”

“Thanks.”

Somehow Denise had cut to the heart of the problem. In a way, exposing the issue to the light made Pia feel better.

“I worry that I won’t do a good job,” she admitted. “I’m not ready to buy maternity clothes or look at baby furniture.”

“Most women get married, then plan having a baby. This was thrust upon you without warning. You need time to catch up. As for maternity clothes, trust me, it won’t be long until you don’t have a choice.” She smiled. “The baby-furniture issue will take care of itself. Pretty soon you’ll have freakish hormones coursing through your body. You’ll be biologically compelled to nest. But until that happens, don’t sweat it. You’re being too hard on yourself.”

“I’ll try to do better.”

“I hope so. You’re going to be a great mother. You already are. If you need anything, you know we’ll all be there for you. This whole town loves you.”

The two women hugged. As Denise straightened, Pia heard footsteps on the stairs. Seconds later, Raoul entered the apartment.

He’d brought a small duffel with him. More clothes, she thought.

“Denise,” he said. “Thanks for stopping by.”

“I had to see our girl. She’s doing better.”

Raoul glanced at her anxiously. “I hope so.” He hesitated, then said, “I’m trying to convince her to move in with me, at least temporarily. My house is all one level.”

Pia rolled her eyes. “I’m fine.”

“You can’t take the stairs.”