Fighting for Love (Second Chances #4)(13)
He turned his body toward me and I did the same to him, my stomach fluttering. I wanted him to touch me and I counted down the seconds as he brought his hands up slowly to each side of my face. The instant he touched me, my skin tingled and I sighed in longing, rubbing my cheeks against the feel of his hands.
“Matt,” I whispered breathlessly, “I’ve missed you so much.”
“Then tell me the truth, Shelby,” he breathed, his voice a low growl. “Did you really stop loving me?”
Relishing in the feel of his hands on my skin, I wasn’t sure how long I stood there staring into his eyes, which mirrored the same heat and longing I knew was in my own. There was a pull, drawing me to him as if gravity had a mind of its own, and it kept pushing us closer together. When our lips touched, that one single spark was all it took to unlock every single emotion—every single desire—I had hidden in the depths of my soul. Lifting my hands to his face, I held him to me as he opened my lips with his tongue, pushing his way inside, possessing me.
I wanted him again, but then I knew I shouldn’t. I had to remember that so many other women had tasted his lips and felt his body between their legs while my heart ached. Although, it wasn’t a full day ago that I was in the arms of another man; kissing him, and vowing to myself that I was going to try and get over my past. Those thoughts were enough of a distraction to cool the ache inside of me that burned for his touch. Sighing, I moved away from the desk to put distance between us. If I didn’t I would completely lose any sense of reality around him, especially with the way he looked at me with such raw and untamed passion.
“The answer to your question is no,” I claimed breathlessly before steeling myself. “I never stopped loving you, Matt.”
He pushed off the desk and started to speak, but I held up my hand to get him to stop. I had to get everything out … well, almost everything.
“I know you’re not going to understand why I did what I did, but you have to trust me when I say it was for the best. You needed to venture out and make something of yourself. You wouldn’t be where you are today if I would’ve stayed.”
Matt’s mouth dropped and he scoffed in disbelief, stalking toward me to close the distance I just put between us.
“What? You’re not making any f*cking sense,” he snapped while angrily running his hands through his dark hair. “So you left because you thought it would make me better? That’s horse shit and you know it. You have no idea what things would’ve been like if you stayed. I could’ve been better for all you know, and most importantly, it wasn’t your choice to decide what was best for me.”
With his jaw clenched, he turned away from me to look out the window. What have I done? After all this time the pain was as raw as an open sore that wouldn’t heal. It kept reopening, and each time the pain would go deeper. Slowly, I edged toward him, my heart breaking with each step.
“Matt, I’m so sorry,” I cried. “I left because I loved you … and I still do.”
Leaning over on the window sill, he hung his head and blew out a shaky breath, lifting his arms defiantly. “I just don’t understand. I feel like I’m missing something here. You don’t leave the people you love, Shelby. That’s not how it works. You, of all people, knew the hell I went through after my father left.”
I nodded and bit my lip hard, trying desperately to keep it together. “I know, and if there was a way to make it up to you or turn back time I would. It’s the only regret I’ve lived with for the past ten years.”
Lifting his head, he sighed and turned to face me, his gaze weary. “I have too many regrets to count, too many bad choices.”
My gut clenched, and there it was below the surface, the jealousy that always arose when the thought of Matt with someone else plagued my mind.
“Yes, I know,” I said dryly. “I’ve seen a lot of those bad choices over the years.”
Grabbing the stack of files off my desk, I moved over to my filing cabinet and started putting them away, maybe a little harder than necessary. He didn’t just make too many bad choices; he made a shit ton multiplied by a thousand. I had no right to get angry over all the women he’d been with, but dammit if it didn’t make me sick to my stomach.
“Shelby,” he murmured reluctantly. “I—”
“You know, I went to several of your fights,” I interrupted him as if he didn’t speak, glancing back at him for only a second. “Yeah, so needless to say, I know what kinds of things went down after them. The one time I built up the nerve to confront you in your room after the fight with Jacob Whittaker was the first and last attempt I ever made. Not only did I hear what went down in that room, I also watched you walk out with not just one but two women.”
Slamming the cabinet door shut, I turned around and stayed where I stood, my chin defiantly in the air. Matt’s face had grown pale, but being the fighter that he was he wasn’t backing down. He stalked across the office until he stood right before me, his body only a breath away.
“Okay, so I’ve made mistakes, but so have you,” he pointed out. “I’m pretty sure you didn’t stay innocent over the years, either. Right now I’d say we’re both fifty shades of f*cked up. The question is … what are we going to do about it?”
I have no clue.