Fighting for Love (Second Chances #4)(12)
Leaning my forehead against the window, I closed my eyes and sighed as the cold glass made my body shiver. “I can’t do this,” I whispered sadly to myself.
“Yes, you can. Or at least the Shelby I used to know could,” commented a voice behind me.
Immediately, I stiffened, my eyes flying wide open in surprise. My heart pounded in my ears, and the thought that he actually did come after me when I believed he wouldn’t only made it beat harder. Knowing me, I probably just imagined it was his voice. However, when I turned around he was there, leaning back in the seat in front of my desk all calm and collected with his hands clasped behind his head.
Crossing my arms over my chest, I took a deep breath in and huffed. “Well, that’s kind of rude to enter someone’s office without knocking. How long have you been sitting there?”
He rolled his eyes and sighed, shaking his head incredulously. “Long enough to know that something’s wrong. Besides, you were too deep in thought to hear my knock anyway. Is it honestly that bad if you have to do an article on me?”
Unclasping his hands, he got to his feet and slowly walked around the edge of my desk. By the time he made it to me there was only two feet between us, and it took every ounce of strength I had not to close the distance. His green eyes were too intense, staring at me with a million emotions swirling inside of them.
It was too much, so I tore my gaze away, assuring him, “That’s not it, Matt. It’s the thought of spending a month following you around that I have a problem with.”
He scoffed incredulously, his posture stiff and tense. “Why? Because I’m not good enough? After all I’ve accomplished, you still think that of me? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve come a long way in the past ten years, Shelby.”
Licking my dry lips, I pressed them together and closed my eyes, squeezing them shut as hard as I could to push back the tears. This was my chance to make amends, to make things right and at least tell him that I didn’t leave because of that. It broke my heart that he thought I didn’t think he was good enough.
“Yes,” I answered him, nodding my head quickly. “You have come a long way and I couldn’t be more proud of you. I never once thought you weren’t good enough. You were always good enough for me.”
He visibly relaxed and lightly touched my chin, lifting it up. From his gentle touch, I wasn’t expecting the accusation that came out of his mouth next. “Yeah, but it wasn’t enough, was it? As soon as you go off to college you start dating the first rich boy you could find.”
Jerking my chin away, I opened my eyes and glared at him. “Excuse me,” I snapped, “what the hell are you talking about?”
Casually, he leaned against my desk, his hard glare focused solely on something over my shoulder. When I turned my head to follow his gaze, I found exactly what he was looking at. It was a picture of me and … Jace, and from the looks of it, any outsider would think we were a couple.
It was right after we graduated college and we celebrated it by spending a week in Bora Bora with Lexi and a few of our other friends. In the picture, Jace had his arm around my waist, holding me close, and we both had the biggest smiles on our faces. It was one of the best weeks of my life.
“Are you two still together?” Matt asked, his voice low and hesitant.
“What? No,” I exclaimed, turning back to him with wide eyes. “Jace and I aren’t together; we never were. We became friends at Berkeley, and even to this day we’re really close. However, as far as relationships go I’m not his type, if you know what I mean. For his family’s sake he likes for me to pretend I’m with him when they’re in town, but other than that he does his own thing.”
Sheepishly, Matt crossed his arms across his chest and looked down at the floor. “I … I didn’t know. I assumed that after I saw you two together—”
“Wait,” I interrupted him. “You saw us together? When?”
Still keeping his eyes downcast, he began, “It was a long time ago, not long after you left Sacramento. I think it might have been about a month after. Anyway, I drove out to the college and walked around to see if I could find you. I was about to give up, when out of nowhere there you were. You were sitting alone by this huge water fountain in the middle of campus and by the distressed look on your face I knew something was wrong. Before I could get to you,” he said, nodding toward Jace in the picture and then back to me, “your friend showed up and put his arms around you. I assumed you two were together so I turned around and walked away.”
Frozen in place, the only thing I could feel was the warm tear sliding down my cheek. If I had known he came after me, would things be different now?
“You came after me?” I asked, whispering the words.
He lifted his head and nodded, his gorgeous green eyes no longer staring back at me with anger, but with sorrow and regret. “I was so angry at you, Shelby. I thought maybe there was a reason you did what you did, but then I saw you with that guy and all I could focus on was the feeling of being betrayed. After that I decided to care only about myself and my family, and that’s when I started fighting.”
Reaching for my hand, he pulled me to his side; our arms brushed together as I leaned back against the desk beside him. It felt so good to be close to him, it felt like … home. With his voice just above a whisper, he remarked softly, “All I wanted was to hate you, but now that you’re right here in front of me I just hate myself because I still can’t. No matter how hard I tried, I could never get you out of my mind.”