Fever (Breathless #2)(58)

He nearly cringed at the cheesiness of such a thought, but he couldn’t explain it any better than that. The women he’d been with before were filler. He’d been biding his time, waiting. For Bethany.

He’d seen Gabe through a marriage that had never been rooted in deep, abiding love. He’d seen his friend f**k his way through a multitude of women. And it was not until Jace had seen Gabe with Mia that he’d seen his friend come so alive.

Soul mates.

Gabe and Mia were soul mates. It was there to see in every look, every touch. Every time Gabe so much as glanced in Mia’s direction.

And now all the things he’d found so baffling about Gabe’s reaction to Mia were here in front of him.

“Do you trust me, Bethany?” Jace asked as his hand traveled into her hair, tugging slightly so that her head craned farther back.

Their gazes were locked and he saw hesitation in her brilliant blue eyes. His gut tightened. He hadn’t realized how badly he wanted her trust. How important it was to him.

She was allowing him free rein. She was ceding power to him. She was submitting to him.

But without her trust, what did he really have?

“I don’t know the rules,” she said in a quiet voice. “I know you’re asking me to . . . submit. To you. But I don’t know the rules, Jace. Do I need permission to speak freely? To tell you what I’m thinking? To answer honestly the question you just asked me? I don’t know how this works and I don’t want to mess up before we even begin.”

Jace dropped down to his knees, positioning himself so they were on eye level. No way in hell he’d have this kind of conversation in a position of dominance. This was too important.

He cupped her face in both hands and kissed her forehead. Just one gentle kiss and then he pulled away.

“You never have to seek permission to tell me what you’re thinking.”

Didn’t she realize that her thoughts were the gateway to her? He had to know what she was thinking so he could work his way into her heart and soul.

She visibly swallowed and then inhaled sharply through her nose.

“I think the more important question is whether you trust me.”

His eyes widened and for a moment he was at a loss as to how to respond.

Her lips trembled and she forged ahead, clearly afraid and yet determined to speak her mind.

“You thought . . . You thought some pretty terrible things about me, Jace. I know what I did didn’t help, but you jumped to conclusions that tell me you think the worst of me. I know we don’t know each other well. You don’t know me. But that you thought I was playing you, that I was stealing from you . . .”

She broke off, inhaling deeply as if to compose herself.

Then she lifted her gaze and stared directly into his, her eyes earnest and awash with vulnerability.

“Why would you even want to sleep with me?” she whispered. “Why would you want . . . this . . . ?” She swept her hand down her body and around, clearly indicating her position. Her submissiveness.

“I know that this . . . arrangement . . . or relationship, whatever it is that we’re doing, requires a lot of trust on my part. But it has to involve your trust as well. Besides the fact that I can’t imagine why you’d want to have sex with a woman you think so poorly of, why would I want to give myself to a man who found me so . . . repugnant?”

His fingers tightened at her shoulders and then he forced himself to relax his grip. He’d bruise her, and he never wanted to hurt her. He took his hands away, not trusting himself not to squeeze her even tighter.

She looked hurt at his withdrawal and he let out a groan. He could do nothing right where she was concerned. Every touch, every word out of his mouth. It all came out wrong. He was f**king it up and this was too important. It was everything.

For the first time in his life, he was scared. Because he knew if he didn’t handle this just right, he’d lose her. And that wasn’t an option. No matter what it took, no matter what he had to do, she had to be part of his life.

Dear God, he was precariously close to begging, and he’d never begged for anything.

He cleared his throat and rocked back on his heels, his throat clogged with everything he needed to say.

Then he rose, extending his hand down to her. She glanced at him in puzzlement but slipped her hand into his. Yet another sign of her trust. Trust he hadn’t been able to return or make her feel.

He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her naked body into his hold, cradling her, positioning her on his lap so she’d be near him, touching him.

He rested his chin atop her slim shoulder and then turned his mouth down to kiss her skin. He inhaled deep, capturing her scent and savoring it.

“I’m sorry.”

She went still, her gaze directed at the far wall. He reached up, slid his finger underneath her chin and gently redirected her gaze to him.

“You’re right. I said and thought terrible things. It wasn’t fair to you. I was afraid, Bethany. Terrified,” he amended. “I reacted badly. This is new territory for me. I’ve never been so . . . I’ve never been so f**ked up over a woman before. I’m used to control. You know this about me, or at least you’ve gotten hints. For the space of those few hours, I had none. I couldn’t protect you. I had no control over what happened to you. It freaked me the hell out. And I took that out on you.”