Death Wish (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #5)(59)

“Well, that makes two of us.” I couldn’t tear my gaze from him. He wouldn’t look at me, and that made the suffocating sensation inside me grow.

“I know you and Arys belong together.” Shaz’s voice caught as if he wrestled with his emotions. “But, I spent so many nights lying awake at Raoul’s, listening to him have his way with you, wiping your tears after, the entire time wishing you would look at me the way you looked at him. And now, I’m reliving it with the vampire.”

I felt myself deflate. His solemn words crushed me. “I’ve always loved you, Shaz. I didn’t always know it though. Raoul was a teenage dream. A foolish nightmare I was torturing myself with. Arys is part of me. He is my other half. And, you and I should both know that if I am anything, it’s my own worst enemy. I adore Arys, but I need you.”

“But for how long?” He turned to pin me with jade green wolf eyes, stormy with emotion. “How long can we play this game for three? I get it. I do. It’s like he and I are black and white, and you’re the shade of grey that links us. I feel like I’m part of this whether I want to be or not.”

“You don’t have to be,” I murmured. I couldn’t help but think of Kale and his plea for me to set him free. Maybe it was time to set Shaz free, too. “I love you, Shaz, but I don’t want to imprison you. You deserve more. I want you to be happy.”

His shoulders slumped. Again, he ran a hand through his hair. I hid a smile, knowing he wouldn’t understand it.

“You make me happy, Lex. I know I have a role to play here. I don’t want to let you down. I don’t really know what I’m trying to say. I just wanted to apologize for last night, and to tell you that no matter what happens, I’m still here. I’m still yours.”

The intensity in his eyes was both startling and reassuring. We were both fighting so hard to keep things from coming between us. But, we couldn’t win that battle as long as he was seeking a fix from Bianca.

“I know that, Shaz.” That wasn’t what I wanted to say. Rather than risk an argument about Kale or further discussion about our ill-fated triad with Arys, I simply smiled and reached to stroke a hand down his face.

I shared his desperation, the need for the assurance that everything would be ok. It wouldn’t though. There was no happily ever after for us, at least not the way we wanted.

Chapter Sixteen

I clutched a takeout cup of my favorite coffee and stared expectantly at the entryway. Any moment now, Shya would sweep through the doors of The Wicked Kiss. After avoiding my attempts to reach him for the past three days, the demon had decided to grace me with a few minutes of his precious time.

The last few days had been blessedly quiet. After the talk with Shaz the night of the barbecue, I had fallen into Arys’s bed and slept a luxurious twenty-four hours. For that one day, I escaped into my subconscious where for once, everything was calm.

Things had been unusually quiet since. There had been no further attempts on my life from Lilah’s vampire flunkies, and I had yet to see her again. However, that was only a matter of time, hence the need for Shya and I to have a little talk.

I sat alone at the bar though Shaz was in the building. He was taking security detail a lot more seriously since we’d discovered who was behind the hit. Arys was prowling the city for the vampire who had set fire to my house. He wouldn’t be deterred despite my protests.

I was starting to feel more comfortable in The Wicked Kiss than I did anywhere else these days. Funny considering not so long ago it scared the hell out of me. That was before my definition of scary had been redefined.

I never saw her heading my way. Not until she was almost upon me. I swung my gaze away from the entryway in time to see Bianca closing in on me. I tensed, ready to get up and face her. At the last moment, I decided to stay seated. She wasn’t a threat. That didn’t mean I wanted to hear what she had to say though.

Bianca didn’t dare take the barstool next to me. She stood a safe few feet away, forcing a cool, collected demeanor. She was nervous. Good.

“I know I’m the last person you want to see right now,” Bianca began, meeting my eyes with the false confidence of a woman who knew damn well she was playing with fire. “I just wanted to tell you that for what it’s worth, there’s never been a time I’ve f**ked him when he hasn’t called me by your name.”

Her brazenness ticked me off, but her words were like water on the flames. I couldn’t help but feel a grim sense of satisfaction.

“Why the hell are you telling me this?” I stared into her with the intensity of the wolf. “I didn’t kill you. Why make me reconsider?”

“I’m not your enemy. I just wanted to make that clear.”

She stalked away before I could correct her. Vampires were always working an angle. If hers was to state that she had no loyalties to Lilah, she could save it. If the vampires in this city were forced to take sides, I sure as hell didn’t want Bianca on mine.

A small smile played about my lips. I sensed the truth in what she said about Shaz. It didn’t make his actions any less painful, but it added some sweetness to the sting.

Smirking to myself, I turned on my stool and found myself face to face with Shya. I jumped, spilling coffee on the bar in front of me.

“Goddammit, Shya!” Heat crept up my cheeks as I reached for napkins and furiously wiped up the mess.