Death Wish (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #5)(58)

I nodded, lost in thought. An uneasy feeling grew in the pit of my stomach. It seemed to be a random run in. They’d been hunting deer, not us. Still… I couldn’t help but feel a little uneasy.

“I’m going to drive Alexa back to Arys’s place. Do you mind if I leave Coby here for a few minutes?” Shaz asked Kylarai. “I’ll be right back for him.”

“No, of course not. He can hang out here for a bit.” Ky gathered her hair into a ponytail before giving me a quick squeeze. “Take it easy.”

I wasn’t too keen on being chaperoned from place to place, but Arys had been adamant that I not be alone. Trouble really had a way of finding me lately, but I didn’t need a babysitter, dammit.

Getting into the small confines of Shaz’s Cobalt was both physically and emotionally painful. I was pretty sure we were about to have a conversation neither of us would enjoy.

“Are you ok?” Shaz asked as he backed out of Ky’s driveway. He gave his head a little toss to flip a stray lock of platinum hair out of his eyes. That one little action made me melt, and I had to stifle a sigh.

“Yeah, it’s all good. Nothing a little time won’t heal.” Unlike other things.

“That’s not what I mean.” He glanced over briefly, long enough for me to see that look in his eyes. It was the same look he’d given me the night he’d discovered Arys and I had slept together. The night he showed up at my door and said those dreaded words, ‘We need to talk.’

I stared at him expectantly, studying his profile, my gaze lingering on his strong jaw line and the curve of his lips. Did we have to do this now? Couldn’t we just continue to sweep it under the rug?

“I’m sorry about last night,” Shaz continued. “I shouldn’t have been such a dick. How are you doing? With the whole Shya incident? Arys said you haven’t slept since.”

“Oh he did, did he? Vampire has a big mouth.” I frowned. They had taken to discussing me behind my back, an annoying habit. “I’m fine. I’m just not ready to relive it in my dreams yet.”

Shaz winced. “That bad, huh?”

“I can say this much, if you ever think you’re a monster, attend a scary ass demon ritual, and you’ll feel a whole lot better about yourself.” I shuddered as an image of the savage demon orgy flashed through my mind.

“That’s reassuring.”

We drove along in silence for several blocks as Shaz took the long way around town to Arys’s house. I waited patiently. I knew Shaz well. Whatever he wanted to say, it would come out. Shaz wore his heart on his sleeve. Emotional and sensitive, he was everything I wasn’t. And, I loved that about him.

His grip tightened on the wheel. He ran a hand through his hair once, then twice, his most obvious tell. Finally, he blurted, “I want to be the one you choose in the end. We belong together, Lex.”

“In the end?” I stammered, trying to grasp what he was saying.

“I can’t shake this feeling that things are going to get worse between us before they get better. I’ve been in love with you for years. We’re just getting started, and already we’re falling apart.” Shaz stopped the car at a red light and took the opportunity to squeeze my hand. Pain tainted his energy, thick and stifling. “We can’t go on like this forever.”

My pulse quickened, and I sat up straighter in my seat. A sharp throb shot through my leg, and I made a pained sound. “What are you talking about, Shaz?”

“Come on, Lex. How long can we all keep playing musical beds for before it blows up in our faces? Three is a crowd, and five is just getting downright nasty.” He made a face of disgust. “Not to mention however many lovers Arys has on the side that neither of us know about.”

“None,” I said, uncertain of my feelings regarding this conversation. I was an unwilling participant. “The only ones messing around on the side are you and I. Believe it or not.”

Shaz was quiet, his lips pursed in thought. “I’m surprised. Doesn’t seem like his style.”

I took a deep breath, bracing myself, hoping I wasn’t making a mistake with what I was about to say. “You know, Shaz, you’re the only one currently involved with someone outside the three of us.”

He stiffened and took the next corner sharp enough to make the tires squeal. “Yeah, I guess that’s true. I’m the bad guy here. I can’t stop punishing you for what happened with Kale.”

“I noticed. Why is that exactly?”

We turned onto Arys’s street. I thought he might not answer. Shaz pulled the car to a stop in front of the house and turned to me. The emotion in his eyes was raw and strong when he said, “Because I can’t punish you for Arys.”

The silence was deafening. It had been no secret that Shaz wasn’t happy about my relationship with Arys. Hearing his confession made it painfully clear how deep his feelings were. He would never be ok with what Arys and I shared.

I didn’t know how to respond. I was shocked by his confession. And hurt. Hurt that he would hold this inside for a year, letting it fester into something too big to control.

“So Bianca is my punishment for something that has never been within my control?” My voice cracked, and I cringed inwardly. “That hurts, Shaz.”

He looked away from me, out the driver’s side window at the dark house across the street. “I thought it would make me feel better. Like I’d evened the score. All it’s done is make me feel like shit.”