Death Wish (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #5)(101)

He nodded and averted his eyes. “I wouldn’t blame you or Arys if you decide to take her out. I’ve never felt like such an idiot.”

That special moment of in-between fell upon us. To the west, the sky remained dark with the final touch of night. Upon the eastern horizon, a golden glow began to grow. Night and day shared the sky. That brief moment was so often overlooked but poignant and beautiful.

We sat in silence, holding hands and watching the sun chase the moon from sight. I would have given just about anything to make time stop, trapping us forever like that. I was torn between the desire to cry and the need to never shed a tear, to simply numb it all out. I doubted my ability to function without this man. He had always been there, but now he was leaving.

Dumbfounded. That’s how I felt when the sun was high in the sky, and I realized time had betrayed me. Shaz stood and pulled me up with him. Wrapping his arms around me, he nuzzled my face with his, and then the dam broke.

The sudden onslaught of tears crippled me. I slid a hand into his hair and held him close. Silent sobs wracked my body. I had wanted to save my tears for after he’d gone, when I was alone. So much for that plan.

“Aw, Lex. Please don’t cry. It’s killing me to do this. I have to. So I can be what you need when I come back.” Shaz swiped a thumb through my tears. They were crystal clear drops, a small blessing in such an excruciating moment.

“Go and do what you need to do.” I sniffed and choked on a sob. “I’ll be ok. Promise you won’t worry about me. Focus on what’s best for you. No matter what.”

He kissed me, a tender press of his lips to mine. I threw my arms around his neck and let my passion pour forth. If this were our last kiss, it would be a damn great one.

When at last our lips parted, I was as ready as I would ever be to watch him walk out of my life. I couldn’t shake the deep-rooted fear that he may never return.

“I should get you back to Arys’s.” Shaz turned to go, but I remained rooted to the spot.

“I think I’m going to walk. I just need some time alone. It’s fine, really.”

“Sure. I get it.” His gaze dropped to our joined hands. “I should go. I don’t want to, though.”

I gave him a playful shove and forced a brittle smile that felt as if it would shatter any second. “Go on. Get out of here. The mountains await you.”

Still, he wouldn’t go. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, staring uncertainly across the park. “This is the part where I ask you to come with me, and you tell me that you can’t.”

A fresh wave of tears threatened to spill from my eyes. “In a perfect world, we’d have been out of here a long time ago. You know I can’t do that. Not with Lilah and my sister.”

“And Arys,” Shaz added, nodding knowingly. “Yeah, I know. I could never ask you to turn your back on everything. You’re needed here.”

He kissed me again, and I breathed deeply of his scent. Pine and wolf with a hint of cologne. My wolf.

“Stay safe,” he whispered, resting his forehead against mine. “I love you, Lex.”

His jade eyes glistened as he lingered momentarily, but he ultimately forced himself to turn around and walk away.

“I love you, too, wolf boy.”

I sat back down on the bridge, hugging my knees to my chest. I stared straight down into the water, unable to bring myself to watch him drive away. The sound of his car starting got my heart pounding.

Only when it had faded into the distance did I let myself completely fall apart.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Whiskey scorched a fiery path down my throat. I slammed the empty glass on the bar and contemplated a refill.

Josh had given up on keeping me out from behind the bar. He served the patrons and more or less ignored my presence. I made a mental note to give him a raise.

I didn’t want to be at The Wicked Kiss. I could feel Shaz’s absence like a punch in the gut. Three days wasn’t much, but it felt like ages since he’d left. The hunt for Kale was my only distraction from the gnawing ache.

The vampire hadn’t made an appearance, which was starting to make me nervous. If he didn’t turn up soon, I’d have Brogan do another locator spell. I hated asking her for favors; involvement with me had gotten her mother killed, and I didn’t want to endanger Brogan, too.

But, I also didn’t want to hunt Kale like an animal. Maybe he came out of that scary ass hospital in need of some alone time, or maybe they’d driven him too far. Either way, I had to find him, to help him if I could.

Kale’s past had left him damaged. The vampiress who made him had subjected him to horrible things, gruesome things that he wouldn’t talk about. Kale had fought hard to leave that time in his life behind, but he had always walked a fine line between sane and ape-shit crazy. I suspected the FPA had made him snap. That frightened me. I’d seen Kale go a little nuts; I didn’t want to see him at full madness capacity.

The FPA claimed to manage supernatural threats. Thus far, their only interest in the supernatural seemed to be recruitment, threats, torture and death; the FPA had proved to be shady and dangerous. I trusted them about as much as I trusted Shya, maybe less. They would be watching me, and I would be wise to return the gesture. Know thy enemy and all that jazz.

I bypassed the cheap whiskey and grabbed the pricey stuff. The golden liquid went down deliciously smooth. Swirling it in the glass, I watched Crimson Sin with disinterest. The lead singer was a werewolf, which almost explained why the band was willing to play regular shows here.