Death Wish (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #5)(100)

Unable to speak, I nodded and let him guide me into the car. I had to pick up the photo to avoid sitting on it. Clutching it in trembling hands, I stared at it in disbelief. How did I let this happen to us?

“Tell me what happened tonight.” Shaz maneuvered the car through the quiet streets of Stony Plain. “I was worried about you. Considering your lack of clothing, I gather you couldn’t resist the change.”

I recounted the evening for him as best I could, but I struggled to talk about it simply because I didn’t care anymore. I left out a few things, like Shya’s threats. I didn’t want to say anything to affect Shaz’s decision to leave.

All I could think about was the heavy scent of him tickling my nose and how he was about to walk out of my life for God only knew how long. What if he didn’t come back?

Shaz beamed a bright smile at me, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I knew you could handle her. I’m proud of you, Lex. You’ve always been so strong. It’s one thing I’ve always admired about you.”

“Strong? No, that’s not me. Just stubborn.”

We drove across town and stopped at the same park where Coby had almost wolfed out a few days ago. Shaz and I had shared an emotional moment there soon after Arys and I had united our power. Shaz had told me he loved me, and I had pretty much begged him not to hate me. That had been one year ago; time had gone by so fast.

“I thought we could sit on the bridge and watch the sun rise.” He gestured to the fading stars. “It won’t be long now.”

The park was empty except for us. The playground stood vacant and dark. It would be hours before children would grace it with their brilliant, happy presence. Without them, the swing sets and jungle gyms seemed so forlorn and out of place.

We passed the gazebo. The path beyond it led in a wide circle around a large pond complete with a giant fountain spewing water in the center. When the midday sun shone brightly, a rainbow could be seen dancing in that fountain. I longed for it now. The darkness of early dawn felt cold and bleak. Though I was primarily nocturnal and content with it, I wished for the sun’s golden rays to warm me.

As we walked along the path beside the pond, I wrestled with the many questions I was dying to ask him. Finally I settled for, “Where will you go?”

Shaz slipped his fingers between mine, clasping my hand tightly. “I don’t know. Not yet. I might head for Jasper. Spend some time in the mountains. Just get away from it all.”

“I’m sure that’s just what you need.” I nodded, feeling awkward and hollow.

We rounded a slight bend and crossed a miniature bridge with a bubbling stream flowing beneath it. The sound was comforting, a trickle of nature’s beauty despite the ugliness that lay ahead. Glancing over the bridge into the water below, I spied coffee cups and chip bags destroying what should have been pristine, untouched by the filth human hands could bring. I stifled a heavy sigh and concentrated on simply putting one foot in front of the other.

Shaz led me to the big arch bridge that was the main focal point of the entire park. From twenty feet above the water, the pond’s bottom could not be seen, and I wasn’t sure how great the depths were.

We sat together on the edge, our arms looped around the metal railing. I waited for him to say something because I could not. I wasn’t ready to cry yet.

This bridge already held somber memories for me. I had come here with Raoul’s letter a year ago. Its contents had tortured me while I shed my tears into the water below. I suppose this place was as good as any for goodbye.

“I hate myself right now.” Shaz sat stiffly beside me. His anguish was palpable. “I’m sitting here wishing you will beg me not to go, but I know you won’t. You’d never stand in the way of what’s best for someone else, even if it hurts you.”

“Because I love you, Shaz.” My voice was breathy, barely there. I didn’t have the strength for the words this moment required.

“I know.” His voice conveyed both anger and grief. “I don’t deserve you, Lex. Not after what I’ve done. And, don’t tell me it’s no worse than what you’ve done. What I did was out of spite. There’s no justification for that.”

I swung my legs and gazed into the murky depths of the pond. The sky was gradually lightening; shade by shade, the night was slipping away.

“It’s over. We need to move forward.”

Shaz gazed at me thoughtfully, a sheepish grin lighting up his gorgeous face. “Remember the night you came home to Raoul’s to find Belle there with him? The night you decided you were done with him for good. We sat in the backyard on the porch swing drinking whiskey.”

“Yeah, I remember.” It had been years ago. It felt like a lifetime.

“That night was the night I knew I was head over heels in love with you.” A soft laugh accompanied his confession. “I think I loved you from the moment we met, but that night, I knew it for sure.”

The night he spoke of had been hell for me. Kale and I had run into trouble, and then I’d returned to Raoul’s after getting my ass kicked to find him playing with Belle, the pack tramp. Shaz had been the only thing that kept me from clawing her eyes out that night.

“You know I’d forgive you anything, right?” I squeezed his hand with a sudden desperation to never let go. “Even doing something stupid with an FPA spy.”