Cranberry Point (Cedar Cove #4)(95)

"Oh, honey, you know I will."

"Some husbands and wives get into big fights about now. Makes it easier to leave."

Kissing his jaw, she whispered, "I'd rather make love than argue."

"Me, too." He never was much good at arguing with her, anyway. He loved Cecilia beyond reason. And, in spite of his fears, he'd come to believe that if they continued to put off having another child until he felt "ready," it would never happen.

"How much time do we have?" Cecilia whispered as she stroked his upper arms.

He nibbled on her ear. "Enough."

Her smile was slow and sexy as she tucked one silky leg between his. Their lovemaking was hot and urgent. Afterward they held each other for a long time, neither willing to release the other. It meant they had to rush so he could make his quarters, but Ian didn't care.

Cecilia hurriedly dressed to drive him to the shipyard. While he gathered up the remainder of his things, she walked out to the parking area to start the car. Although she'd tried to hide it, Ian had seen the tears in her eyes. She wasn't the only one who felt emotionally shaky; in all the years he'd been with the navy, he'd never dreaded going to sea the way he did now. His attitude must have shown because the minute he slipped into the car, Cecilia offered him an encouraging smile.

"Everything's going to be fine," she assured him again, but he read through her bravado.

Ian desperately wanted to believe her. But he couldn't quite overcome his doubts. Dread almost overwhelmed him as she backed out of the parking area.

"It really is all right, Ian." She gently touched his knee.

"You know this, do you?" He didn't mean to sound so sharp, but every fear caused by the death of their first child was staring him in the face with this second one. The knot in his stomach refused to go away and wouldn't until he knew for a fact that she'd delivered a healthy baby girl.

"I'll send you updates every time I go to the doctor."

"Promise?" Mixed in with his fears was the suspicion that Cecilia would try to protect him from the truth. But he wanted to know every detail of her pregnancy. Needed to know.

"I promise," she vowed.

They rode in silence for a short while. All the time Cecilia was driving, Ian worried that when the moment came to leave, he wouldn't be able to do it. His gut told him this deployment was history repeating itself. They'd known Cecilia was pregnant with a girl when he'd left three years ago. She was pregnant again with a girl.

He'd been at sea when Allison was born.

He'd be at sea when their second child was born, too.

Cecilia's ultrasound had looked perfectly normal the first time.

This ultrasound revealed nothing abnormal, either.

Now he was leaving, and the weight on his chest was almost more than he could bear.

Forty-Nine

Maryellen sat on the balcony outside the master bedroom and stared out over the calm waters of Puget Sound. She could see Mount Rainier clearly in the distance. It seemed close enough to touch.

Katie slept peacefully, curled up on Maryellen's lap. The little girl's hand clutched her favorite blanket, her other thumb in her mouth.

Closing her eyes, she breathed in the briny scent of the sea and listened to the muted sounds of late afternoon. It'd been nine days since she'd miscarried her baby. Nine days since she'd slept a whole night, and nine days since her heart was torn to shreds.

Jon had been attentive and thoughtful, anticipating her every need. Yet they lived as polite strangers. He was worried about her, and Maryellen suspected he'd talked to her mother because Grace had been by to visit nearly every day.

At the sound of her husband's footsteps behind her, Maryellen glanced over her shoulder.

"Did I wake you?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"Do you want something to drink?"

She declined with another shake of her head.

Jon sat down in the rocking chair beside the swing. "We haven't talked in a while."

Maryellen cradled her sleeping daughter. "There hasn't been anything to say."

"I'm sorry about the baby." Jon's words were hoarse with emotion. He said it so often, and each time it made her want to weep all over again.

"Do you mind if we don't discuss the miscarriage? There is no baby."

Jon wiped a hand over his face. "I blame myself for this."

"You did nothing, Jon. You have nothing to feel guilty about. These things happen." She repeated what the physician had said, but his words had been of little comfort then and were of less comfort now. However, that was all she had to offer her husband.

"I was angry and stupid."

Maryellen didn't respond.

"You didn't even tell me you were pregnant. You couldn't—because I wouldn't let you."

"Jon, don't. Please don't." She was too depressed to hear him punish himself over this.

"It's because of the pregnancy that you decided to stay with your mother, isn't it?"

Maryellen refused to answer. So many things had gone through her mind the day of Charlotte and Ben's wedding. Jon had been so angry with her and so unforgiving. He'd refused to even talk about it. When she'd left for her mother's, he'd let her go without uttering a single word to stop her. The only reason she was at the house now was that he'd brought her here from the hospital.