Broken Dove (Fantasyland #4)(103)

She was right. Because he was so strong, so imposing, it didn’t hit me.

Apollo had needs.

He needed to protect his children and me against whatever was happening out there. And he was driven to do more, and that would be make us all happy, give us a good life, even when times were uncertain. And he needed to do what he had to do to keep his people—the people of his House, his soldiers, hell, all of the people of Lunwyn and the entirety of two freaking continents—safe.

And he didn’t need to be f**king around with my issues because his were a whole lot more important than me figuring out I didn’t want a career in prostitution and couldn’t start a pizza delivery service.

In other words, I’d f**ked up.

Shit, I’d f**ked up!

And I had to sort it out.

Immediately.

So I stood and announced, “I have to go to the main house.”

Smiling, Cristiana stood with me. “You do, indeed.”

I sucked in a huge breath and gave her a shaky smile.

When I did that but didn’t move, she noted, “You’re not making haste to Karsvall.”

“Right,” I said and jumped to it, moving swiftly to the door. But I stopped in it and turned. “Thanks, honey,” I whispered.

“Go, Miss Maddie,” she replied.

I nodded and ran to the hooks by the front door. I grabbed one of my cloaks and threw it on. I opened the trunk under it and nabbed some gloves and pulled those on too.

Then I was out the door.

I had no horse of my own in the stables so I had no choice but to walk to the main house. I did this as swiftly as I could, following the snowed over (as there hadn’t been any of late) trail Apollo and the men’s horses had made.

It still was a fifteen minute walk and even with my fur-lined cloak and gloves, I was frozen through by the time I hit the front door of Karsvall.

I stood there not knowing what to do.

Should I knock?

And what if the kids saw me?

Then it hit me it was early afternoon, after lunch and outdoor activities. They should be at their studies. So at least that was safe.

Talking to Apollo, that was another story.

I lifted my hand, not knowing whether to go for the doorknob or rap on it, when it was opened.

Achilles was standing there.

“Hey,” I greeted.

“Maddie,” he replied, his eyes openly studying me but he didn’t hesitate to reach out, wrap his fingers around my elbow and pull me out of the cold. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you,” he noted, closing the door.

“Uh…yeah,” I replied, looking nervously into the house and seeing nothing but Apollo’s fabulous décor.

“You’ve been well?” Achilles inquired and I turned back to him.

“Yes…no. That is, yes-ish but I would say no more,” I replied and his head tipped to the side.

I could get he was confused at my answer but I didn’t have time for this. I had just spent fifteen minutes walking, time that ate away at my courage. I had to get down to this and pronto.

“Listen honey,” I went on, moving closer to him. “I’d love to visit but I need to speak with Apollo.”

“Is anything amiss?” he asked.

“No, but yes,” I answered.

His lips curved up as he murmured, “She speaks in riddles.”

“I need to talk to Apollo,” I repeated on a whisper.

His eyes moved over my face and it was Achilles that got closer and his voice got lower when he said, “I’m sorry, Maddie, but he’s away to the Drakkar seat.”

My heart thumped so hard it hurt.

“Away? You mean, he’s gone?”

“No. Not yet, but he’s preparing to go and will be leaving soon and with haste. He has a long journey and must make it in time for the gale.”

Shit!

“I really need to talk with him, Achilles.”

He hesitated a moment and I had to give it to him, his voice was kind when he lowered the boom.

“He would not welcome this talk, little bug.”

Shit!

Apollo had spoken to Achilles or he’d also been in a dark mood and Achilles, not a dim bulb by a long shot, had read it.

“I still need to do it,” I declared with more bravado than bravery.

He held my eyes an excruciatingly long moment before he nodded. “Then he’s in his room. Do you know where that is?”

I had not officially been shown there but during my tour I’d hit the master’s bedchamber. I knew it was that because it was mammoth, richly appointed (and since everything else was seriously appointed, that room being richly appointed was saying something) and awesome.

It also smelled like his cologne and, well, him.

“I do,” I told Achilles.

“Then go,” he urged.

I smiled a shaky smile and took off toward the wide, carved wooden staircase.

I went as fast as I could go because with every step I was losing the nerve to take the next one.

What if he was still pissed and was an ass**le again?

What if in the last four days he’d figured out I wasn’t worth it?

What if I got there and screwed everything up, said something stupid and damaged what was already broken to the point it couldn’t be repaired?