Broken Dove (Fantasyland #4)(102)

“When she grew ill, he went to her several times a day, every day, and from their bedchamber, you would hear laughter. You would think nothing was amiss from the noises coming from that room. But when he left and the door closed behind him, the cloud would descend. She was in her bed, she never felt it, but it followed him with every step he took. He is a good man, neither servant nor soldier bore the brunt of that illness eating away the woman he loved. But as it ate her away, it ate him too. And when she was lost, that cloud descended and stuck, immovable, shadowing him everywhere he went, except when he was with his children.”

I pressed my lips together as I felt my eyes sting with tears.

That was so Apollo, to go to Ilsa when she was sick. Visit with her. Make her laugh.

But every time he did it, it had to kill him more and more.

I hated this for Apollo. Hated it.

“Then came you,” she stated.

At that, my lips parted.

She kept going. “At first, when I laid eyes on you, your resemblance…extraordinary. I feared I understood his attraction to you and it was not healthy.”

I held her eyes.

She went on.

“But what I saw was not him attempting to recreate what he had with Lady Ilsa. It was him building something new with you. Although she could make him laugh, the air did not ring with the richness of it near as often as it does with you. Although she was his wife and the mother of his children and he is a certain type of man, the type who would lay down his life to protect theirs, he did not look on her as if he needed to spring to her side at any given moment to shelter her from a storm.”

Oh God.

Apollo looked at me like that?

My heart clutched.

She kept talking but did it softly.

“What you have is new. So you may not know him well enough to understand that even if it is he who should ride to you to heal what has broken between you, his pride will not allow it. It may be that whatever happened between you is keeping him awake at night. He still won’t do it. He is a man, but he is also an Ulfr. They have many qualities that are very good and these qualities make them the best House in Lunwyn. But with any good comes bad. I mentioned he is proud. But he’s also stubborn. And last, he is a man used to getting his own way. And these three together will make things difficult at times for the people around him, most specifically the woman who warms his bed.”

“I get you, Cristiana, boy do I get you,” I told her. “But when he has something to say, he doesn’t let me get a word in edgewise.”

“Then, dearie,”—she leaned deeper into me, grabbed my hand and held it tight—“you must find a way to communicate, to make him listen, and that way may not be through words.”

She was making all sorts of sense and it was an understatement to say that I liked—no, I had to admit I loved some of what she was saying.

But I didn’t get that.

So I shared, “I’m sorry, Cristiana, I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

“Pay attention, Miss Maddie,” she whispered, “for, if a woman is clever, and she pays heed, every man will give her clues as to how to make her will be known and even how to make her will be done and have he be the one who’s doing it.”

Holy crap.

“Are you talking about using sex?” I breathed.

She sat back and let my hand go so she could throw out hers. “If that works on a particular man, absolutely.”

I pulled in a breath.

She had been doing great but I didn’t think that was good advice. Not with Apollo.

“However, Ulfr is not a man like that,” she continued, and I let out my breath. “If you did not please him in the bedroom, he would not return to it night after night. That’s certain. But he is not a man to be ruled by his body.”

Okay, she was getting back on track.

“No, you, for him, it’s something different,” she declared.

“So,” I started hesitantly, “you’re saying I should play mind games.”

“No,” she replied. “I’m saying you should find your way to get his attention. This may be honesty. It may be emotion, as long as that, too, is honest. Ulfr is also not a man who would countenance games, as you call them. Manipulation is not the key to a man like Ulfr.”

Definitely getting back on track.

And I knew it because Apollo had often made it clear he wanted more from me and the more he wanted was me to share myself with him in more than time and sex.

So I whispered, “Right.”

She nodded but carried on.

“He is also not a man who wastes time. He knows better than most how precious it is. And if given time because one is wasting it, he could make a decision that would be sad…” she paused, staring me direct in the eyes, “for him, for you and for his children.”

“Giving up on me,” I guessed, my voice quiet, my heart beating hard.

Then she got so on track, she was a freaking monorail.

“It’s crucial, not only building something with someone, but maintaining it, to show you care about the things they care about,” she told me. “It is also crucial for you to demonstrate that you will handle their needs with care, just as they do the same for you. Apollo Ulfr would strike no one as a needy man. That does not mean he’s not a man who has needs.”