Broken Dove (Fantasyland #4)(101)

I was f**ked.

Apollo was right, my options were not vast. I really only had one.

Marry him.

And honestly, when he wasn’t being an arrogant ass, that was far from a bad choice. He came with a great house, cute kids and a pack of good friends, not to mention kickass clothes.

He also came with tender looks, interesting conversation, laughter, the ability to make me feel cherished and unbelievably great sex.

But now, I didn’t have any of that because he was making it clear he didn’t want me anymore.

Yes, I was f**ked.

I sighed and it was a big one.

The one bit of good news in the last four days was that I started my period. So I wasn’t pregnant.

Though, it must be said, having your cycle in that world was not fun and games, seeing as their sanitary products were as medieval as the rest of the world was. I’d learned this on the journey from Fleuridia (not fun to start your period around a bunch of guys you couldn’t ask about tampons or pads and find a way to make do) and, like chamber pots, I still wasn’t used to it.

I drew in a big breath and sighed again.

“Miss Maddie?”

I turned my head to see Cristiana standing in the doorway.

The one saving grace these last four days was that Apollo left me with my girls. At first, they’d acted the same, except a little cautious because of my mood. Now, they were watchful—in a caring way, of course, seeing as that was how they were.

But I hadn’t shared what happened and twice I’d seen Loretta open her mouth only to have Meeta give her an elbow to the ribs. So I knew they were worried.

I also knew I should open up to them. They were my friends. Or they were becoming my friends.

And even Captain Kirk had chats with Spock and Bones. Mostly, it was mild arguing or banter but he shared his troubles with them. He was not the man, the island. Of course, the crew of the Enterprise was always in a life or death situation and that tended to promote sharing. Still.

It was just that it had been so long since I’d had friends, or anyone to open up to, I’d forgotten how.

And, in thinking about it (which I tried not to do, and failed), it occurred to me I really never had good friends I could open up to. When I was a kid, I didn’t want to bring friends to my house because I didn’t even like being in my house, I didn’t want to make friends come there. This meant invitations to their houses dried up and I was often left out.

Thinking on this, I realized as I grew older, my solitude kind of became habit. I had friends, just never really close ones.

Even though I hadn’t opened up to the girls, it wasn’t lost on them things weren’t great. This was because I was moping and also because Apollo hadn’t showed in four days.

“Hey,” I called to Cristiana.

She smiled a small smile, her eyes on me assessing in a kindly way, and she moved into the room.

“Can I get you anything?” she asked. “Tea, perhaps?”

“I’m good, honey, thanks,” I murmured.

She sat on the couch with me and looked out the window.

I looked back out it too.

“Ulfr doesn’t come.”

When she spoke, I looked back to her.

“Sorry?”

She gave me her eyes, no less assessing, no less kind, but now astute. “Four nights he has not been here.”

“No,” I agreed.

“Will we see him tonight?”

I looked back to the falling snow and whispered, “I doubt it.”

There was a long moment of silence before Cristiana broke it.

“May I ask, Miss Maddie, why you delay so long in healing this breach?”

I turned surprised eyes to her. “Sorry?”

“It’s yours to heal and you delay. This isn’t right.”

“I…” I began and trailed off.

What was she talking about? How was it my breach to heal?

Had Apollo said something to her?

“Um…Cristiana, no offense,” I pulled it together to say, “but you don’t know what happened. I’m not sure it’s my breach to heal.”

“We women,” she started, “it rarely is but it always is. Learn from me. I have thirty-five years with my husband. He is proud. He is stubborn. Therefore, when we have words and distance forms, it’s up to me to close it.”

There it was. One thing that was the same in both worlds.

“That isn’t right,” I told her the truth.

“It isn’t but there are a lot of things that aren’t right or fair in this world and this also pertains to relations between men and women.”

She wasn’t wrong about that.

“This, I know,” she began and I braced because her voice had gentled and she’d leaned into me when she spoke. I took these as warning signs and I was glad I did when she continued. “I have worked at Karsvall for twenty-three years. And thus, I was there when Ulfr brought home his bride.”

I pulled in a sharp breath.

She kept going.

“Honestly, I knew no husband and wife who settled into marriage, and then parenthood, with the ease in which those two did. They had a steadiness that would have seemed unnatural if it wasn’t so beautiful.”

This, I did not need to hear.

Since I knew she was trying to be nice, I didn’t tell her that and she kept talking.