Breathe (Sea Breeze #1)(22)

He spoke of a guy I didn’t know. I hated being reminded that he was this untouchable idol. He turned back to me and smiled sadly.

“It’s selfish of me, but I don’t think I can stand it anymore. What little time I have for an average life....” He spread his hands out at the house and beachfront property around him and gave me a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Well, as average as my life can get, I want to spend with you. When I'm on the road this year, traveling from city to city, I want to have the memories of my time with you to keep me warm.”

He held out his hands as if offering himself. “I don’t want to beg or promise you things I can’t give you. There isn’t much of me to give, but what I have is yours. This is all up to you, Sadie. If you want me, I’m yours. If you can’t do this, then I will walk away and leave you alone. I swear.”

I stood and stared at the guy standing in front of me, and I knew I should tell him “no” and walk away. My heart reminded me with a loud thump in my chest I would always regret not saying “yes.” I doubted I’d ever feel the same way about anyone ever again. I stepped forward, and he immediately reached for me and pulled me against him. We stood there, me wrapped in his arms for a while before moving or speaking. I knew it wasn’t the smartest decision because, when September rolled around and summer was gone, I would just become the summer girl. Right now, nothing else mattered.

I whispered against his chest loud enough for him to hear me, “I want whatever part of you I can have.”

His arms tightened around me. This might eventually shatter me. I loved Jax. His lips touched my head, and I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sweetness of the moment. No one else’s arms could ever feel this right.

“I want to spend as much time with you as I can. I don’t want to waste a minute,” he said, and I nodded against his chest, and then leaned back and smiled up at him.

“Tomorrow, will you go deep sea fishing with me?”

I faltered at his question. I worked every day but Sunday, he knew my hours.

“I still have a job,” I reminded him.

Jax frowned and shook his head. “You’re not still going to work for me.”

I stiffened.

“Jax, I have to work. If you don’t want me here, I have to go find another job.”

He placed a finger over my lips and shook his head. “No, I’ll take care of your bills and needs.”

I stepped back away from his arms. My stomach clenched. I would not be like my mother. I didn’t need a man to take care of me. He wasn’t going to pay me to spend time with him. I took a deep breath hoping I could explain this so he understood.

“Jax, listen, it is important to me that I earn my own money. I can’t be paid to spend time with you because it would make it cheap somehow. I want to be with you. There should be no money involved. I need to be an equal, and as crazy as it sounds, the only way I can hope to achieve that in any way is to work for the money I earn. Please, I enjoy working with Ms. Mary and Mr. Greg and even Marcus. I could go somewhere else if you don’t want me working for you, but I really like it here.”

Jax sighed and reached out to take my hand. “I’m sorry. I am used to people taking my money with no reservation. You’re not like anyone I have ever known, so I should have realized you wouldn’t be comfortable with such an arrangement. You can remain here as long as you want. It will give me a reason to visit the kitchen more.” He winked, and I blushed.

“Thank you,” I said through the tightness in my throat from fighting back tears of relief and joy.

Jax smiled. “I should be the one saying thank you. I don’t deserve you, but I'm thankful you don’t realize it.”

I laughed at him.

“Come on inside with me while Kane gets our ride ready.”

We walked up to his house. I realized he was taking me through the family's entrance, and I stopped.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I, um, I need to go in through the side entrance.”

He shook his head. “I am agreeing to your working for me, but you are not going to be confined to the servants entrance only. You’re with me, Sadie. When you’re off the clock, you’re not my employee. You’re my...air.”

I frowned at him. “Your air?”

He grinned. “Well, girlfriend seems to be too shallow a word for what I feel for you. These past two weeks it’s been as if you control my breathing. When I watched you with Marcus, my chest would tighten, and it became hard to breathe. But then I would see you smile or laugh, and I could take a deep breath again.”

No wonder this guy wrote songs. My eyes stung, and I hated the fact I always seemed to get all weepy with him.

“Wow,” I whispered for lack of better words. I wasn’t gifted with his talent of weaving the English language so beautifully.

“So, does this mean I win? Will you do me the honor of accompanying me in my house as a guest, instead of the hired help?”

I grinned. “As long as I’m off the clock.”

He sighed in defeat. “I’ll take what I can get.”

He took my hand and led me into the house. I wasn’t sure how I would handle facing his mother or father. How were they going to react when they found out he was dating the help? But then again, I doubted if they even knew I worked here. Except for the one time I served Jax, I’d never been around either of his parents.