Breathe (Sea Breeze #1)(21)

This could not be happening to me. I didn’t know what I would say. Would this mess up our friendship? If I said no, would he still be my friend? I stared at him, waiting for the words I feared would change our relationship forever, while a sick knot formed in my stomach. I didn’t want this to happen. It seemed so unfair. First I lost Jax, whom I never really had to begin with, and now I was going to lose my friend, the guy who always made me laugh when I needed it the most.

“Sadie.”

A voice I only heard in my dreams these days broke the silence, and I turned around. Jax was walking toward us. I wanted to cry. I wasn’t sure if it would be tears of joy from seeing the object of my obsession, or from hearing him say my name again.

“Jax,” I said, a little too breathless as I stood up and faced him.

His gaze brushed past Marcus. “You can go. I have arranged transportation for Sadie.” He dismissed Marcus as if he were angry at him.

I glanced at Marcus. A challenge flashed in his eyes, and I realized I would have to deny myself what I wanted most, time alone with Jax, in order to save my friend his job.

“Thank, you Jax, but I would really rather Marcus took me home.”

Jax’s eyes left mine, and he frowned at Marcus before turning back to me “Please, Sadie, I know I don’t deserve it, but I want to talk to you. I need to talk to you.”

My resolve cracked at hearing him say please. I didn’t think I could tell him no again. I looked back at Marcus, his face angrier than I’d ever seen him, and it once again brought me back to the reason I said no to begin with.

“Jax, this really isn’t necessary. Marcus takes me home every night, and we were in the middle of a conversation we need to finish. You have better things to do than take home your kitchen help.” I hadn’t meant for my words to come out so harsh, and when Jax winced, I hated myself.

He stepped aside so we could pass. “Of course,” he said, his eyes on the water instead of at me.

If hearts could shatter, mine just did.

Marcus took my hand and gently pulled me away from Jax toward his truck. I knew I should look away, but I couldn’t. As if he heard my thoughts, Jax turned toward me with a haunted expression in his eyes. I stopped walking, and Marcus dropped his hand from mine.

I heard Marcus’s frustrated sigh before he said, “I hope you know what you’re doing, Sadie. He is only going to hurt you.”

I nodded because I knew he was right. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

Marcus deserved an explanation, but I wouldn’t give him one. This was between Jax and me. I stepped forward and glanced back at my friend. “I have to.” It was the best explanation I could give him. I turned and left him there and walked back to Jax. A relieved smile spread over Jax’s face. I almost laughed when he took a deep breath as if he had been holding it, waiting to see if I would come back.

He squinted against the glare of the setting sun. “You were right. You should have left with him.”

I shook my head. “I tried, but I couldn’t do it.”

He reached out and took my hand in his. A warm tingly sensation coursed up my arm and through every other limb of my body.

“Come on, Sadie, let’s go for a walk.”

We held hands as we walked along the edge of the water. Neither of us spoke. I came back to him because I couldn’t walk away. I needed to know why he had come for me, but I didn’t ask. I just waited. Finally, he stopped and stared down at me.

“Do you know why I didn’t want Marcus to take you home?”

Allowing myself to believe he missed me wasn’t a safe path for my thoughts. I shook my head no.

Jax let out a small laugh. “I’m jealous, Sadie.”

I stood there, trying to let his admission sink in. If he said he missed me, I could believe him. Jealousy, however, seemed too hard to comprehend. “I’ve stood in my room watching the two of you drive away for the past two weeks, and it killed me each time I watched you leave with him. I would sit in my room and contemplate how I would handle it if you fell for him. How could I stay here and watch you look at him with those breathtaking eyes the way I wanted to see you looking at me?”

He ran his hand through his long dark hair and sighed. “Tonight I couldn’t stay in my room. I watched you out here all by yourself and fought the urge to come to you. Then he came walking out, and I watched the two of you together for longer than I should have. My resolve to stay away from you broke, and I made my way out here before I could stop myself.”

A frown creased his forehead, and he turned away. “He seems like a man who knows what he wants, and the problem is he wants what I want. If it were anything or anyone else, I could stand back and let him take it.” His blue eyes gazed back at me. “But I can’t let him have you.”

If he only knew how my every thought wrapped around him. “Marcus will always just be my friend. My feelings for him will never run any deeper than that.”

Jax reached out and twirled one of my loose curls around his finger. I held my breath and watched him. Finally, after a moment, he tucked it behind my ear.

“I’m afraid I won’t be able to sit back and watch you from a distance anymore. Trust me when I tell you I have tried hard to push you from my thoughts.” He stepped toward the water, focusing on something far off. “My life hasn’t been normal for years. This is the only time I get to be just me. The rest of the time, I’m on the road, and, several times, I am in the air on my way to Tokyo, Paris, or even Rome. I travel constantly. My name is all over the magazines with pictures of girls I am supposed to be in relationships with, but the fact is I have no time for a relationship. If another famous female teen is in the vicinity, they get our pictures taken together. It is just what is done and expected.”