Binding the Shadows (Arcadia Bell #3)(81)

“It’s not that. I was afraid and . . . I was ashamed of it.”

“You were?” He considered this for several moments. “I guess I understand. That’s why I never talked about my mom much before, well”—he waved a hand—“all of this happened over Christmas. Sometimes I wish I could erase that part of my life, too.”

“At least your mom is trying. She’s a very sad person, and she’s selfish. I don’t know if she’ll ever be okay or stop making stupid mistakes. And I don’t know if you should give her any more chances—”

“I’m not,” he said firmly.

I nodded. “That’s up to you. But I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s a whole different thing with my mom. My mom is just evil. And really, really dangerous. She is beyond redemption.”

“Wow.” He turned away from the wind and kicked at a knotted cypress tree’s roots that bulged above the dirt. “This is the biggest secret anyone’s ever told me,” he said thoughtfully.

“I trust you.”

He gave me a funny smile, tight, but honest—as if he was surprised I would trust him, pleased I did, but still in shock about the whole thing.

I exhaled a long breath and glanced back at the house. “I need to tell you about something else. Remember when I once told you about my guardian, Priya?”

He nodded. “One of the sigils on your arm.”

I pulled a piece of paper from my pocket. “This sigil. It’s his name. And because you’re connected to me through our bond”—I nodded to his hip, where my own sigil was tattooed—“Priya is your guardian as much as mine. He can only stay on earth for a few minutes at a time, but if you are in trouble, you can call him. You’ll need Heka, and you probably don’t have much. You can try to spit on the sigil—”

He made a face.

“Oh, please,” I said, straining to eject a single laugh. “You know you love gross stuff. If the spit doesn’t work, you’ll have to cut yourself and spill a few drops of blood on it. But make a copy of it first so you don’t lose the image. Take a photo with your phone or something.”

“I just do that and your guardian will cross over to our world?”

“You just say, ‘Priya, come,’ and he will show up. Don’t be frightened of him. He looks like a boy, but he’s got wings.”

“Oh, shit! No way.”

“And he talks a little funny, but you’ll do fine. Don’t call him more than once every couple of days. He can’t stay long—only a couple of minutes, so you’ll need to talk fast. But you can tell him anything. You can even ask him to send me a message.”

“Why would I need to do that?”

I closed my eyes briefly. “Because I might have to leave.”

“What do you mean?”

“My mom can control me. It’s getting worse. I’m afraid she’s going to make me do something against my will.” I attempted to swallow the lump in my throat.

“But—”

“If I stay, it might put people in danger. I’m her puppet. When I tap into moon magick, she can control me.”

“So don’t. Dad says just because I have a knack doesn’t mean I have to use it. Isn’t this the same thing?”

“Even if I don’t use it, she can get me when I’m sleeping. She’s dangerous, Jupe. You are in danger by being around me. She’s crazy and she wants revenge against me. She will try to hurt you.”

Jupe was fighting back tears. “You can’t leave. Where will you go?”

“To my order in Florida. My godfather might be able to help track down the ritual my parents used to make me this way. Maybe I can use it to fix myself. I don’t know.”

“Just fight her,” he said. “You’re strong. You can fight her.”

“I don’t know if I can, Jupe. And I won’t risk putting you and your dad in danger.”

“Please don’t leave me,” he begged in a rough voice. “Please. Don’t leave me like she did.”

My heart broke into a thousand pieces. “It’s not because I don’t care. I’m leaving to protect you.” I wanted to assure him I’d be coming back—that I could pop down to Florida for a week, pop back up, problem fixed. But I couldn’t lie to him. Not after I’d just broken down and told him the truth about my parents.

He stared at me for a moment, eyes glossy and pained. Then he blurted, “He bought you an engagement ring.”

My body stilled. “What?” I whispered.

“That was the secret I told Kar Yee. That’s the reason Gramma accepted you. Because Dad’s going to marry you and we’re going to be a family and you can’t leave. You can’t leave us.”

Tears spilled down my cheeks. “Jupe.”

“You’re still going to leave, knowing that? How could you?”

“I—”

“I won’t let you!” He gritted his teeth. His pupils flicked back and forth like a pendulum.

He was using his persuasion knack.

“You won’t leave us. You’ll stay here. You won’t leave!”

I turned my head away, an instinctual reaction, as if that could deflect his knack. He’d never used it on me. I wasn’t sure how it would feel. But I knew it had to feel like something more than this . . . this nothingness. I looked up at him. It didn’t work. I could see it on his face, the way it fell.