Binding the Shadows (Arcadia Bell #3)(77)

“I think I know why. The spell she used to conceive you is degenerative. Your human body weakens as it ages while the other part of you strengthens. The stronger it becomes, the more control she has over you, because the bond between you will solidify. Your willpower will crumble.”

“She can control me in my sleep.”

“Because you are unaware and weak. The Moonchild part of you uses lunar power to open up a connection between the planes. You can call up the power when you are awake. But she can use a spell to open that same connection when you are weak.”

“When I am asleep.”

“Asleep, weary. Inebriated. Impassioned. Any time you are not in full control of your own willpower.” He held out his palm, showing me the black thread that connected us. “Her connection to you is like ours, but only temporary. The more you grow into the Moonchild, the stronger the bond becomes. And more permanent.”

I curled my hands inside the too long sleeves of Lon’s coat and paced. “But only when it’s night, right?”

“That would be logical since it is a lunar power, and, as you told me, it does not work in the day.”

My throat was dry. “Okay, so I just sleep in the day, when she can’t hack into me. I stay vigilant at night. Don’t use the moon power at all.”

“Even if you do not sleep at night, you will still need to worry.” Priya stepped in front of me and leveled his gaze with mine. “Your loved ones and friends are not safe. She can see into your thoughts and feelings when she is connected to you.”

I blinked at him. He was talking from experience, wasn’t he? He could see into my thoughts and feelings now?

His voice softened. “She can feel who you care about, especially if thoughts of them are fresh in your mind. She will search for your weaknesses, and she will have you destroy them.”

“I can’t run again,” I said miserably. “I can’t do that. I have a family now. I need them. They need me.”

“You should not risk their lives for a moment of comfort. You must erase them from your mind. Get as far away from them as you can.”

“And do what? Wait until this thing inside me is completely under her command?” I was shouting at him. It wasn’t his fault. “What am I?”

“They call you Mother of Ahriman.”

“Mother of demons,” I said. “Is that what I am? A demon? I saw myself, Priya. I was covered in scales. I have a serpent’s tail, and horns. What am I?”

“I do not know. ‘Mother of Ahriman’ is only a story in the Æthyr. A legend. A woman that commands fear and respect. But I do not know exactly who she is, or what manner of being.”

“A goddess? Do I have a god inside me? Is there such a thing in the Æthyr?”

“Not in the Æthyr, but maybe on anther plane.”

My occult order believed in a multitude of planes, many without names. The Æthyr was merely the nearest one to ours, metaphysically speaking.

Priya exhaled loudly through his nose. “But from the way your mother speaks, I believe that you are something altogether new. She has not invoked the spirit of an old god inside you. She has worked like a surgeon to piece together magicks and create a new being.”

It took several moments to sink in. “So I don’t have another being inside me?”

“You are something new that has never been seen.”

I squeezed my eyes shut in despair.

“My concern is for your immediate safety,” Priya said. “If the Moonchild part of you is strengthening, and your mother’s control over you with it, then you need to find a way to stop it from developing. Or a way to unmake it.”

I thought of what I saw when I was poking around inside Yvonne. “If the spell she used to create me is like the spell to create Earthbounds, it is impossible. Demon souls are fused inside human bodies. I can’t get rid of the Moonchild part of me unless I kill myself.”

He grasped my shoulders firmly. “You are not like the Kerubs. You are something very different. All magick can be unmade, or at least lessened. Start with the ritual your parents used to conceive you and work backwards.”

“I don’t know the spell! No one in my order knows it. They kept it secret. The only person who knew about it is dead. It’s lost—gone.”

“They did not invent the ritual,” Priya said softly. “They found it somewhere. Go to your order. Trace their path. Find the ritual. Once you have it, I am certain that we can uncover a way to undo what has been done or, at the very least, cut her bond to you.”

A growing hopelessness weighed me down. I wanted it all to go away. I wanted the small life I’d built. I wanted to be me.

I just didn’t know who that was anymore.

“This is impossible,” I whispered.

“Nothing is impossible, especially for you. You will find a way. And I will help you. I will be your scout, and I will help to protect those you love. The demon boy that is bound to you, I can feel his bond. I can appear to him as I appear to you. If he is in danger, I will cross the veil to protect him. Show him my sigil. He can call me.”

“Oh, God.”

“But you must act quickly. She has bragged that her connection to you may be strong enough in a matter of days or weeks.”

“Strong enough for what?”