Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding #1)(41)

Lexi hopped off the bed and quickly began throwing on clothes. "Actually, I don't think you should make it up to me."

"What?" he asked concern written on his face.

"Jack, I have a boyfriend. I can't believe I just did that." Guilt began to wash over her.

"But you said it was okay."

"I know I did. You didn't do anything wrong. You asked me if it was okay. I was wrong for not stopping you."

"No, Lex, you weren't wrong," he said joining her on the carpet and grabbing her hands in his.

"I was wrong. I can't be around you Jack."

"This is something you want though."

"Not while I'm with someone else," she said her face lifting to meet his. Tears were welling in her eyes and she quickly wiped them away. She was so ashamed of herself. "I just have to go."

"Lexi, please, don't run out like this," he said tugging on his boxers and jeans.

"I can't be around you," she yelled, hating herself for raising her voice when he had done nothing wrong. She just wanted to crawl into a hole. She felt like such a creep. How could she go on? How could she live with herself? She had been so lost in the moment – in him – that she couldn't even think straight. She couldn't process that she was ruining her life by being there with him, by letting him touch and kiss her like that. No matter how wonderful it had been the guilt she was feeling was so much worse.

"Don't beat yourself up about this," he whispered to her as she threw her purse onto her shoulder and moved towards the bedroom door. "I don't want you walking out the door and never talking to me again."

"Jack, what I feel for you...I can't feel like this when I have someone else. I'm not supposed to be this person. I'm not supposed to do these things. You have to understand. You're too much for me."

"I can't understand that. We're right for each other."

"But not right now," she said, hollowly repeating the words he had bestowed up her the last time they had tried to work things out. Her brown eyes glanced up and met his. "Isn't that right?"

"No," he said reaching out for her. "Right now is right." She backed away not wanting to be touched by anyone especially not him. All she needed was a scalding shower and a few nights of repentance. Thank God, Spencer wouldn't be back for a couple days. Maybe by then he wouldn't notice.

"No Jack," she murmured shaking her head. "I'm sorry. I can't be around you."

"Lex, come on."

"No," she stated firmly. "I'll miss you." Her words came out weak.

"I don't want to miss you again. I want to see you more. I want us to hang out. God, I want us to finish our movie."

She shook her head adamantly. "I shouldn't have come over. I knew this was going to happen. I'm such an idiot. I can't resist you. Good-bye," she said reaching out and giving him a fleeting kiss before yanking the door and rushing out of the room.

When she reached her car, she let the tears flow. She pulled out of his driveway nearly blinded by tears.

How had she thought that this could be some innocent night?

How could she lie to herself about what she was doing?

* * *

K.A. Linde

Interview with the Mistress

'Cause you're hot and you're cold

You're yes and you're no

You're in and you're out

You're up and you're down

-Katy Perry "Hot and Cold"

* * *

Chapter 7 - Present

The coffee shop Bekah had chosen for them to sit down and finally have their conversation in was delightful. In some ways, it reminded her so much of the place where she and Jack had first met. It wasn't well-lit, and there were so many people milling around that it seemed damn near impossible that they were going to find a table. On the other hand, the establishment was huge. Unlike chain and small town coffee shops, this place had three stories and took up an entire corner of a building. Lexi rarely came to get coffee at places this large. For her, it lost the cozy atmosphere with the size, but she wasn't going to complain.

Meandering through the densely populated shop, they went on a search for an unoccupied table. Lexi veered away from Bekah hoping to spot an available table in the opposite direction. She let her thoughts wander as the search continued.

Jack had dropped her off outside the establishment. He had complained the whole way back about having to wear a tie, and had ditched her as soon as they arrived. He claimed that he would be gone only as long as it took for him to change before he would meet up with them. She was pretty pissed that he had left. After all, he was the reason for this stupid conversation she was supposed to be having. Honestly, she didn't know if it made it easier or harder knowing that Jack wouldn't be hearing everything she said. One on hand, she might be able to speak more freely about their relationship, because she wouldn't feel constrained by his memories. But at the same time, she might be more convincing if Jack was there to back her up.

"Lexi?" a voice called out to her.

She turned in a half-circle hoping to find Bekah finally seated at a booth. She just wanted to get this over with. But there was no one in sight. She heard her name called again, and this time she recognized the direction of the voice. Turning slowly, she stopped and gawked at the person who had called out to her.