Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding #1)(36)

Lexi giggled. "In what lifetime? Your sister got married last year, and they still have trouble letting her husband come to family events."

"You're right dear. I wish I could fix things."

She waved the comments off. No need for him to be even sweeter than normal. That would just make her feel worse. "Nothing to fix. Your family is the way it is. There's nothing wrong with that."

"Well I don't agree with you on that, but I appreciate it. It would make me feel better if you were with me though. There's only so much family backgammon I can take," he said chuckling heartily. "So what are you doing? Have any big plans for the evening? Weekend get-away while I'm not in town?"

Lexi stopped dead in her tracks in the middle of the frozen food section. Did he know about her plans? She shook her head. Of course, there was no way for him to know. She had just decided herself, and she would never let anyone else know. She steadied herself on the shopping cart and let her breath even out. "Nope. I'm probably just going to be boring while you're gone. Hang out with Olivia. Finish my Spinoza reading. Stuff like that," she said terrified that guilt was creeping into her voice and he would notice.

"Aww…baby…you don't have to do nothing just because I'm gone. You know what?"

"No," she croaked.

"I want you to have a good time; a really good time while I'm gone. It's my fault you're all by yourself this weekend. I feel obligated to tell you that you need to do something fun and crazy. I don't want you sitting at home doing homework on a Friday night."

"I…well…"

"Nope. That's final. If you don't have a good time tonight, then I'm the one to take the blame. So go home put on something cute, and have fun tonight okay?"

"Okay," she mumbled half-heartedly.

"Oh, I'm so sorry I'm not there," he moaned, misinterpreting her guilty conscience.

"It's…it's fine. You have family stuff."

"I just wish I could be there with you, but you still have to take my advice. I'll call you tomorrow to find out how your night went, and you better tell me just how great it was okay? I've gotta go though. I love you. Bye."

Spencer hung up so fast he didn't even hear her whispered good-bye or the fact that she completely neglected saying I love you too.

Lexi tucked her phone back into her pocket. She felt worse about going to see Jack now that she had spoken with Spencer. He wanted her to have a good time, and she would if she actually went to Jack's house. It just wouldn't be the kind of fun that would be in her best interest, or her relationship's best interest. She couldn't go see him. He had promised they would just talk, but she just couldn't do it. The thing she remembered the most about visiting Jack was the feeling of having no control. Her actions were compelled by him. She was compelled by him. Every time she found herself in his presence, she acted as if she was possessed. It was easy to conjure up how she had felt when she had been so enraptured in him that she could hardly sleep at night. But she couldn't let herself go there again. Her temples began to pulse painfully as she contemplated her options.

She had stopped anything from happening with Jack at Chamber even when she had been drunk. Then, when they had met up for a second time, he had barely hugged her. Let alone anything beyond that happening. It had been nice just to see him with no strings attached. She wondered if maybe she was overreacting. What she had felt before with Jack had stemmed from her understanding that they were working towards a relationship. Now that she was with Spencer, perhaps they could just work towards a friendship.

Deep down, she knew that what he had felt with Jack nearly a year earlier had been real. That had he been single at the time, and refrained from lying to her, they would have worked out. She had wanted that – for them to be together – more than anything she wanted now. And that fact scared her.

Lexi tried not to think about the subject too much as she finished her grocery shopping and drove home. Pulling into a parking spot in front of her four-bedroom flat, she quickly unloaded the groceries.

"Need any help with that, roomie?" Olivia asked, skipping into the living room her pixie-cut bouncing as she went.

"No thanks. I think this is the last of it."

"Okie dokie," she trilled, plopping down cross-legged on the white carpeted floor. She snatched her acoustic guitar from its stand and began absentmindedly strumming one of her new tunes. She alternated to a fast-paced picking for the chorus and her soprano filled the room.

"I like that last part," Lexi told her pushing aside three half-full cartons of milk to make room for some of her groceries.

"Well good," she said returning to the gentle strum, "I'm not finished yet. I'm working on a second verse.

Lexi smiled brightly. "Can I hear the whole thing?" she asked her head up popping up over the refrigerator door.

"Sure sweetie," Olivia exclaimed. She plucked each chord experimentally to verify she was in tune. After adjusting a knob or two, she began to play letting her lyrics flow easily from her mouth.

"Closing up. Finally spent.

You are gone.

And now you're moving along.

Heavy now. Tears remain.

Hard pressed to rest.

When all I feel like is a mess.