Always Loving You (Danvers #6)(60)

Ava,

I know that I’m not supposed to have any contact with you, but I couldn’t continue to live my life as though nothing ever happened. You are the only victim here, but that night and what I did to you has haunted me since I was sober enough the next day to realize what had happened. You may not believe me, but I wanted to turn myself into the police. My parents and your grandfather wouldn’t hear of it, though. Your grandfather made all manner of threats to my parents if they didn’t take me and leave town immediately. He said that you didn’t want me to humiliate you further by contacting the police. I have no idea if that was true, but I had little choice but to do as my parents wanted.

For weeks, I had been drinking more and mixing it with any type of drugs that I could get my hands on. But that night I had too much of both. Something about the combination made me so angry and aggressive. When you said no . . . I just snapped. I had no real concept of what I was even doing. When I realized what I’d done to you, it almost destroyed me. Ava, there is no excuse that I can make, or no way to apologize enough, but I am so very sorry for what I did to you. Not a day has gone by in my life that I haven’t regretted what happened that night. I’m not writing this expecting your forgiveness; I just needed you to know that as meaningless as it may be to you now, I’m sorry.

Kevin

Ava sagged in the chair, letting the letter flutter from her nerveless fingers. Turning the envelope over, she saw that it was postmarked four years earlier. “Oh my God,” she whispered as her head whirled and her stomach clenched. Why had no one ever told her about this? There were at least two people who knew, Brant and Mac. She would bet that Declan did as well. Her brother had to have given the letter to Mac. Operating on pure adrenaline, she picked the letter up and ran to the door before realizing that she didn’t have her car. Running back into the kitchen, she found the box near the back door and easily located the keys to Mac’s truck that he rarely used. She had teased him for years about men in the South always having a truck, even if they didn’t drive it often. Declan was the same way.

Accessing the garage by way of the kitchen, Ava stopped only to hit the opener mounted on the wall before climbing up into the truck. Within moments, she was speeding toward Brant’s house. Her mind was buzzing with questions, and she planned to get some answers. How could they have kept something like this from her? Kevin hadn’t gone into much detail about what had happened afterward, but she had a feeling that Brant knew, and she was tired of being in the dark.

It was almost eleven by the time she pulled into his driveway. She was glad to see a light glowing in the living room window. She pounded on the door several times before her disheveled brother pulled it open, blinking in surprise. “Ava . . . is something wrong?”

She pushed him aside, stalking into the entryway. A sleepy-looking Emma rounded the corner, blinking at her in shock. “Ava?”

Without answering, Ava held the envelope in Brant’s face and watched him pale as he realized what she was holding. “Why am I just finding out about this?” she demanded.

Instead of answering her question, he asked one of his own. “Where did you get that?”

Ava felt as if steam were literally shooting from her ears. “That’s all you’ve got? Where did I get the letter that you never bothered to give me? Why would Mac have this and not me?” she snapped.

Brant was nothing if not a smart man, and she could see the exact moment that he decided to try to placate her. “Av, it’s not a big deal, really. I don’t know why Mac would give that to you now, but it’s been years since I received it.”

That was so the wrong answer, and she was seconds away from blowing up when Emma stepped between them, clearly confused as to what was playing out before her. “All right, everyone in their separate corners. I have no idea what’s going on here, but I think we need to talk about it somewhere else.” Before Ava could reply, Emma had pulled her farther into the entryway and motioned for Brant to shut the door behind him. Apparently, Brant had been too rattled to realize that the door was still standing open. Emma ushered her into the living room and Brant followed warily behind them. “Okay, so what’s in that letter you’re waving around?” Emma asked while looking back and forth between Ava and Brant.

Instead of answering, Ava simply handed the envelope to Emma and watched as the other woman extracted the paper and read it. When she was finished, she handed it back to Ava, again without saying a word. Finally, Brant, never being one to enjoy strife, spoke up. “Ava, I didn’t give you that letter because I didn’t want you to be hurt again. You had moved on with your life and were doing so well. I was afraid it would bring back a lot of bad memories that you didn’t need.”

Ava stared at her normally intuitive brother, utterly amazed that he too had fallen for her smokescreen. Had he never once seen the cracks in her veneer? Dropping onto the leather chair behind her, Ava shook her head, trying to hold back tears. “But that’s just it, Brant. I wasn’t doing well. I haven’t even been in the same zip code as what you’d consider doing well.”

Brant looked alarmed by her statement, and he started to pace in his agitation. One of the things she loved about her brother was his desire to fix everything. If there was a problem, he didn’t rest until he found a solution. She could see him trying to work through her statement in his head and figure out what he could do to make it all better. The problem was that he didn’t fully comprehend what she was telling him. “But . . . you work, you date, you have friends. I don’t understand.”