Allegiance (Causal Enchantment #3)(33)
In shock by this sudden change in direction, I furiously rifled through my memories of my conversations with Julian. I couldn’t remember exact details. We were careful about what we said. We hadn’t mentioned anything about the tattoo or the Sentinel. There was nothing! Nothing at all! Maybe … were we too careful? Were we so vague that, to an outsider lurking in the bushes, could it have been interpreted as a romantic tryst? And of course I couldn’t stand seeing Amelie and Julian together. They were doomed.
I slid my arms from Caden’s neck and folded them over my chest, studying the snowy ground as I struggled to form thoughts. Caden knew I was hiding something. Denying would make it worse. It would only drive a larger wedge between us. But I couldn’t tell him Julian’s secret. I’d be a death sentence for my friend. What did I do? Let Caden think I had cheated on him? Well, was it cheating? Under the circumstances … he’d all but given me the green light to do it. He had tried to kill me, after all.
A sick feeling roiled through me as my brain negotiated with my heart. As much as I despised the idea of Caden thinking I had been with Julian, it was his ego or my friend’s death. I had to choose. This moment would either kill Julian or save him. I knew what I had to choose. The lesser of two evils. Hadn’t I just finished saying I could never lie to him? Before I could chicken out, I forced the words out in a rush.
“It was only that one time.” Those six words wrenched out my insides. I didn’t dare look up as hot tears streamed down my cheeks, for fear of him seeing through my lie.
At first, only silence met my admission of guilt. But then I heard the sharp intake of air. Caden’s arms dropped from my body to his sides, ripping off a chunk of my humanity he loved so much with them. He said nothing. We sat in agonizing silence for what seemed like forever.
Finally, unable to bear it any longer, I hazarded a glance up. Caden’s eyes were distant, the pain of betrayal dancing within them. This was a thousand times worse than if he had stormed off. “I’m so sorry!” I cried. I’m sorry for lying to you.
“Did you …,” he began but didn’t finish, his jaw clenched.
“It was just a kiss!” I blurted out at the same time that he began shaking his head. “No, wait, I don’t want to know.” He rubbed at his brow with his fingertips.
I so desperately wanted to grab that hand and pull it to my chest, to have him tell me it was okay. But I dared not touch him or test him in any way, afraid of how he would react to my supposed betrayal. So I simply sat on his lap and waited.
Finally, so slowly, those strong arms found their way back to me, wrapping around my body once again, pulling me against his chest. “Please forgive me,” I managed to whisper beyond the sharp lump in my throat.
My body jolted back within his grasp as he pushed me away from his chest. He leveled me with an incredulous stare. “Forgive you? For what? There’s nothing to forgive! After what I did to you, I have no right to be angry.” Leaning back against the bench, he lifted his arms to cradle the back of his head. I watched quietly as he stared up at the sky, his Adam’s apple jutting out provocatively. With hesitation, I reached up and traced it softly with the tips of my fingers.
“You’re everything to me, Caden. Please believe me.”
After a long pause, his arms unfolded from the back of his head and his fingers entwined with mine. He tipped his head back down to stare at me with a burning intensity. “I do believe you,” he whispered, pulling my fingertips to his lips, setting fire to them despite the cold.
“I don’t know what I’ll do if I turn into one of those things. If I can’t do this,” I whispered, choked with emotion.
Caden’s jaw set firmly. “It’s not happening. It won’t happen.”
“Yeah, but …”
“It won’t happen! Stop thinking about it!” he yelled, his voice carrying through the empty, cold night as he pulled my head close to his chest. Though there was no warmth coming from his body, it still ignited heat within me. Then, abruptly, Caden was sitting up straight, his attention riveted toward the chateau, a guarded expression on his face. Two seconds later, the baying of wolves confirmed it.
“They’re here.”
And just like that, our time in the sleeping garden under the winter stars was over. In the next moment, my frozen body was enveloped in the warmth of the chateau again.
“You need to go change into something warmer now, Evie. You’re going to end up with pneumonia,” Caden scolded, herding me toward the foyer.
“Come with me,” I whispered, grasping his hand before he could break free.
A smile touched his lips, sparking joy in me. Maybe it wouldn’t matter that Caden thought Julian and I had something after all. “They need me down here … Max? You around?” In seconds, the tip-tapping of those claws announced my werebeast’s presence. Caden gave my icy hand a squeeze and then let it drop. “Max will go with you and then show you the way down to the meeting place, okay?”
“I’m going to meet Lilly?” I asked, surprised.
Caden nodded and I could tell he wasn’t happy with the idea. “Sofie wants you there for some reason. She thinks it’s important.”
“Okay,” I agreed, wanting nothing more than to curl up under my duvet with Caden and erase the worry, doubt, and pain that I had just falsely planted inside him. That would need to come later, though. He turned to walk away. “Caden! Stop!” I rushed forward and threw my arms around him, squeezing him like I might never be able to again, which was entirely possible. His hands slid down to caress the small of my back. “Don’t tell Amelie. Please,” I whispered in his ear. The fewer people involved in my lies, the better. Especially Amelie. Or, more specifically, crazy Amelie. I winced, almost able to feel the ground as she bashed my head against it. Caden pulled away, pausing to look down at me, a sting in his gaze that ripped out my heart.