Allegiance (Causal Enchantment #3)(29)

The second the binding spell broke, Bishop let out a roar and began twisting and thrashing against Mage’s grip. “Don’t let them do this, Evie!” he bellowed, his plea shattering my heart into a thousand pieces. Tears began burning in my eyes as I pawed for Caden’s hand. “Please!” I cried but it was no use. Caden’s jaw tightened as he stared forward, his hand lifeless in mine.

“It’s the right thing to do and you know it,” he answered in that cold, distant tone I had heard so long ago, the one he used when he needed to shut everyone out. He was shutting me out. My head jolted as if he’d slapped me. He may as well have. By the time I turned back, Sofie was already securing the Merth around an immobile Bishop’s wrists. It was done.

“A thousand tiny razor blades cutting you, over and over again … each one feeling like the first,” I whispered a reminder to all of them in case they had forgotten.

Utter silence met my words. Six vampires, a werebeast, and two toxic humans watching the one who had suffered the most, who continued to suffer, for the mere fact that he couldn’t scream out. I felt like I was sitting in one of those glass rooms, witnessing an execution of an innocent person. But what was worse—what I couldn’t bring myself to admit—was that I knew they were right. This was for the best. This was only temporary. Bishop had survived Merth before. He could survive it again. What did that acceptance say about me? What human was I turning into that I’d listen to a dear friend plead for his freedom, that I’d stand and watch him tortured? My friend, whose internal struggle was enough to splinter an army’s will?

Suddenly, there was nowhere I wanted to be less than there, in this vampire world where this was an acceptable solution to a problem. Yanking my hand out of Caden’s, I bolted from the glass room and sprinted down the hallway. I didn’t stop. Caden didn’t chase. This time, just this once, I didn’t want him to. I didn’t want to be around these cold, calculating creatures. I didn’t want to become one of them.

Sharp claws tapped against the tile behind me. “Stay away from me, Max!” I screeched as tears burned my cheeks. The tapping slowed and then stopped altogether.

I kept running and no one followed me and I was happy. When I found myself in the hall overlooking the courtyard, the urge to venture outside slowed my feet. Coatless, bootless, gloveless—I opened the door and stepped into the frigid night without an ounce of hesitation. The crisp winter chill seized my bare skin, its icy fingers curling around my limbs. It was balmy compared to the mountain temperatures, but it froze my tears in seconds nonetheless. The mountains … in that moment, trudging through the deep snow in striped pink and gray socks and slippers, I pictured a possessed Valentina stomping in from the cold wearing nothing but a sweater. I was now the crazy one. I was worse! Leo wouldn’t approve of this, I thought, smiling sadly, thinking about my grandfatherly guardian. It had only been days since I’d seen him last, but it already felt like a lifetime ago.

I trudged through the snow, one step in front of the other in a straight march, feeling the snow’s damp chill as it formed an uncomfortable cushion in my slippers. Though my actions felt wayward, I knew exactly where I was headed.

When I finally reached the great oak tree, I spent a moment dreamily marveling at its grandeur, even in the dead of a winter’s night. It towered over me, its branches spreading out at least thirty feet. It had to be hundreds of years old. I closed my eyes for a moment and imagined a summer afternoon relaxing under its generous shade, a book in hand. Enjoying life. Enjoying Paris. Would that even happen? Where would I be next summer? Would I be alive? Would I be deadly to those I loved?

I wrapped my arms tightly around my body as the effects of the cold began to wear on me. Why had Sofie been out here last night? I focused my attention to the base of the tree. At my feet lay a single white pillar candle, nestled next to a bunch of frozen pale white roses. The wick had long since burnt down. Beneath it, a flat bronze object caught my attention. Kneeling, I brushed away the freshly fallen snow to reveal a bronze plaque embedded in a concrete rectangle: Nathan 1237-1889.

Nathan was buried right here, under this tree.

It made perfect sense and yet my heartbeat sped up all the same. Of course he was buried here. It explained Sofie’s desire to sit out here alone. My heart instantly ached for the woman. And for Mortimer, and Amelie, and Bishop. Love seemed to be a damning condition for all vampires.

Next to Nathan’s tombstone, I noticed another glimmer of bronze. I brushed away the snow to find a second tombstone with another inscribed plaque. This time, my heart did a full stop. It read Sofie Girard 1862 - 1889.

Sofie had buried herself—her spiritual self, her humanity, her heart—alongside the man she killed so many years ago. I leaned back and wrapped my arms tightly around my chest as numbness seeped into my body, picturing Sofie in this spot over a hundred and twenty years ago, lowering the man she loved, who trusted her unequivocally, into the ground. Because she put him there. She too died that day, both through her physical transition but also her core.

My fingers were red and stiff. I need to go inside, I scolded myself. I’m not proving anything by being out here, like an idiot. Except that I’m an idiot. Struggling to stand, fists tucked under my armpits, I let my eyes wander over the grounds for a second. A massive octagonal gazebo-like structure stood in the center of the space, its wooden trellis walls obscured by a web of frozen, leafless vines. I wandered over. Inside, three partially snow-covered concrete benches faced each other. Further back, surrounding the entire area including the massive oak, was a cedar hedge border, at least forty feet high and so thick, a squirrel would have trouble tunneling through. A few wooden archways and statues peppered various paths, lined by small shrubbery. It was a royal garden. No doubt a spectacular one in any other season. Now, though, it lay asleep, catering to a dead vampire and a crazy girl.