All These Things I've Done (Birthright #1)(57)

‘No, I’m ashamed, lass, and it’s not very interesting anyway. It was after my sister died, and it was the lowest I’ve ever been. The point is, my dad thought it was weakness, and that my mother indulged my weakness.’

‘Do your parents get along?’

‘Dad says the only person who’s ever loved him is my mother . . .’

‘She seems nice,’ I said.

‘She is. But Dad? He cheats on her. She ignores it, but I can’t. I mean, how can I respect a man like that?’ Then he asked me if my father had ever cheated on my mother.

Despite my father’s many failings, it was impossible to imagine him ever behaving in such a way. I told him that I didn’t know for sure, that I’d been too young to know, but I doubted it. ‘He believed in marriage,’ I said.

‘So does my dad but that doesn’t stop him from acting the way he does,’ Win said. ‘I would never treat you that way, Annie.’

I knew that without him having to say it. Win was perfect in his way.

I could go on and on about Win, but personally, I’m sickened by that sort of thing. Daddy always said that if a person had a bout of good fortune, that person would do best to keep it to herself. Win felt like the best stroke of luck I’d had for a very long time. (Insert finger in throat if you’d like . . .) But yes, I was happy for a time. I was the kind of girl I usually hate, and I realize that the only reason I ever hated those girls in the first place was because I envied them. Clichéd? Yes, undoubtedly, but it also happened to be true.

(Aside: Still, you may find yourself asking, What of Leo’s job? What of the contaminated chocolate supply? What of the tattoo on Anya’s ankle? What of Nana’s health and Natty’s nightmares? Just because Annie has a delicious new boyfriend, she can’t possibly think that’s a good excuse to go around ignoring everything and everyone else in the world.

The truth is, there were most definitely things that fell through the subway grates, but, at the time, I wasn’t paying attention. Even when I consider all that was to happen in the months that followed, I would not take back those dumb and happy, sweet and foggy, endless, numbered days.

Correction: Once, I thought about that tattoo on my ankle. We were in my bedroom, and Win’s lips were on it. He said it was ‘kind of cute’, then sang me a song about a tattooed lady.)

X I V. i am forced to turn the other cheek

I HADN’T TALKED TO SCARLET for all of winter break, which was probably the longest we’d gone without communication in the entire history of our friendship. I didn’t see her until fencing our first day back. During stretching, she didn’t bring up my relationship with Win, but then, she barely spoke to me. I could tell she was angry and that I was going to have to make amends.

‘So,’ I joked after we’d broken off into pairs. ‘Maybe you heard? I’ve gone and got myself a fella.’

‘Yeah. I felt as if I hadn’t seen you in ages, but at least now I know why,’ Scarlet said, thrusting her foil towards me. ‘Of course, I wish I hadn’t had to read it! Nice pictures, by the way.’ She thrust her foil at me again, and the movement had more weight behind it than was typical of our bouts.

‘Double touch!’ I yelled.

‘So?’

‘So, we each score a point,’ I told her.

‘Oh. How do you know that?’ Scarlet was out of breath.

‘Because we’ve been taking fencing for two and a half years.’

Scarlet laughed. ‘I really should learn something about fencing one of these days.’ She lowered her foil. ‘Seriously, why didn’t you tell me?’

‘Because you were busy with the play and your new boyfriend—’

‘That’s over,’ Scarlet said. ‘It was a production romance. At least, that’s what he said when he ended it. But that’s the life of the theatre, I suppose.’

I told her I was sorry. ‘You should have called,’ I said.

‘I wanted to, but by then I’d heard about you and Win, and I was mad about that, so I didn’t. Annie, I wasn’t so busy that I wouldn’t have wanted to know about you and Win. We ate lunch together every day, and we saw each other at rehearsal every other day, and we rode home on the bus together every day, and we—’

‘I know. I’m sorry. I honestly decided I wasn’t going to tell anyone. I thought it would make things easier.’

‘But my point is, you were lying to me every time you saw me. That day outside the supply closet? I totally believed you, and you played me for a fool. And I would never do that to you. You’re my best friend.’

She was right. I should have told her. ‘I really am sorry.’

Scarlet sighed. ‘Apology accepted,’ she said.

As we were changing out of our fencing attire, Scarlet turned to me. ‘Can I just say? I know your life is difficult, much more difficult than mine has ever been, even when you consider the fact that I can’t seem to keep a boyfriend to save my life. But it’s not the easiest thing in the world being your best friend either. And I think I’ve been there for you through a lot of bad times, haven’t I?’

I nodded.

‘So, when something good happens to you, I’d like to know about it. I’d like to be there for some of the happy times, too.’