Young Jane Young(33)

By the way, Maine had legalized same-sex marriage the prior December, and early signs were that same-sex weddings were going to more than double my business. I was even thinking of hiring a few full-time employees.

So, Wes West was on his cell phone, and he was gesturing and projecting as if he were in a play and no one else in the world existed but him. Or, we did exist, but we were meant to be the audience for his call, for his impressive real estate acumen, or some such. He was walking right toward me, and I was walking right toward him. And I could tell that he hadn’t seen me, but if he had, he wasn’t going to move over. He hadn’t yielded for the dog walker with the tangle of leashes. He hadn’t yielded for the woman with the baby carriage and the toddler. He hadn’t yielded for the older man coming out of the post office. He hadn’t yielded for the two teenage lovers who had arms linked. Why would he yield for me?

I was feeling jaunty that afternoon so I decided to test Ruby’s hypothesis. What happens if a person comes toward you and you just don’t move? The day was warm, the streets were mercifully ice-free, and so I kept walking and swinging my arms. I walked right toward him until we were about to crash into each other.

Our noses were perhaps six inches apart, but I kept coming.

He moved.





III





Thirteen, or a Few Interesting Facts About Maine





RUBY





To: “Fatima” [email protected]

From: “Ruby”

[email protected]

Date: September 8

Re: Your American Pen Pal, Friends Around the World Pen Pal Program





Dear Fatima,

Allow me to introduce myself! My name is Ruby Miranda Young. I am thirteen years old and I am in the eighth grade at Allison Springs Middle School, which is in the great state of Maine, “the Pine Tree State.” Do you eat lobster in Indonesia? A fun factoid about Maine is that most of the lobster in the United States comes from, you guessed it, Maine! I like lobster, but I do not love it. My mom says I do not love lobster because it has become “blasé” to me. “Blasé” means that you act bored because something is too familiar. My mom also says if you use a new word in a sentence three times you will remember it:





1.




The word “blasé” is not “blasé” to me.





2.


Having a pen pal from Indonesia is not “blasé.”





3.


It is “blasé” to eat lunch in the cafeteria alone, and I have only been in eighth grade one week, and it is already “blasé.”





4.


BONUS ROUND: My mom finds lobster to be the opposite of “blasé.”





There are many ways to cook lobster. I like lobster chowder or lobster roll. (A “lobster roll” is a “sandwich.”) My teacher for social studies and world cultures is Ms. Reacher, and she is the one who signed up our class for the “Friends Around the World Pen Pal Program.” She calls it FAW-PUH-PUH. Something I do not like is when people say acronyms, like FAW-PUH-PUH. It is one of my “pet peeves.” “Pet peeves” are “especially annoying things.” My other “pet peeves” include the cafeteria and “fake” Instagram accounts and people who do not RSVP. My “pet peeveiest” thing would be a person who did not RSVP and then said, “Sorry I didn’t remember to RIZVIP.” If I had a dog or a cat, I would call him Peeves, and then I would say, “This is my pet, Peeves.” I cannot have a dog or a cat because I am allergic to dogs and cats and possibly other furry animals. I have not, for example, met a lion or a camel. My other allergies include strawberries and goat cheese and pine nuts. I am not allergic to peanuts, which is excellent, because organic peanut butter is my favorite food. I could eat peanut butter every day and it would never become blasé. Do they use “acronyms” in Indonesia? Something interesting is that up until last school year Ms. Reacher was a “man.” Do you have “transgendered” people in Indonesia? I don’t know much about Indonesia, which I guess is why it’s good that you are going to be my pen pal!

I googled your first name, and did you know that “Fatima” means “captivating” or “shining one” in Arabic? That’s very interesting. My name “Ruby” means “precious jewel,” which is pretty close to “shining one,” which makes us nearly MEANING TWINS! (I just invented that.) How did you get the name “Fatima”? Duh, your parents gave it to you… Imagine that I am smacking my forehead. I guess I mean, what made them choose it? Also, do you have a middle name?

I googled pictures of Indonesia. Do you go to the beach a lot? Something to know about me is I google everything. My mom says I should be the Olympic champion in googling.

The instructions say that we should keep our e-mails to “around 250 words,” and I have written more than 500! Please write back soon.



Your pen pal,

Ruby



P.S. I know it’s weird and probably seems like an invasion of privacy, but I had to have Ms. Reacher read this e-mail before I sent it to you. It is an “assignment.” I hope you won’t take that personally because I would want a pen pal even if it weren’t assigned. Anyway, Ms. Reacher said my letter was good but that I should probably not have spent so much time on lobster, seeing as I don’t have a “particular passion” for lobster. She says the part about lobster felt like “padding,” which is when you add extra words to make a certain “word count.” I wasn’t “padding.” I thought the point of this was to learn about each other’s cultures, and lobster really is a big thing in Maine. But I’m sorry if the part about the lobster was super blasé.